flat on my back... and not in a good way

So, remember that whole dancing thing I was so excited about and missed yesterday? Yeah, now I remember why I haven't been dancing in a long time.

Well, actually, there is more to it then that.

About 8 years ago, between junior and senior year of college, I had a slipped disc issue with my lower back. The last one, L-something, slipped completely out to the left and onto my sciatic nerve. The one right above started slipping to the right. For some reason, like most things in life, things affect me differently than normal, and my problem was that I couldn't sit for long periods of time. (People with this problem normally have to sit, and can't stand.) My entire leg from my buttocks to my feet would suddenly go numb, and I would fly out of my chair, which would relieve the pressure.

After a few x-rays and a MRI, I was sent to the neurosurgeon. I had to wait a few weeks for my appointment, and by the time I actually got to see him, I was no longer experiencing pain. I tribute this to prayer, as my neurosurgeon took one look at my MRI and asked how it was possible that I even walked into his office.

He did some tests, and basically told me not to do any heavy lifting, and just be very careful of how I sit/move, so I don't hurt it again.

Fast forward to the purchase of our new living room set about 3 years ago. Apparently the overstuffed/over-sized chair is not a good piece for me. In order to rest my back against the back of the chair, I have to practically climb into it, and I usually end up leaning on the side with my legs curled up. I normally get up from it with my back hurting (it's not the legs curled up thing, because that's how I sit on the sofa without problems), so I made a mental note not to sit in it.

Well, sometimes I'm in a rush, and I forget. Or I figure I'll only be sitting there for a minute, and sit. Saturday morning I had to get up and take my mom to the eye doctors. I made myself a mini bagel, and because I didn't feel like moving all the pillows off the sofa to sit on it, I sat in the chair. When I got up, my back went into spasm. I was able to function, and when we got back from the doctor's, I laid on the floor for awhile stretching it.

Later that night, after a hot shower, I was feeling fine with just some tenderness, so I did a lot of dancing/wiggling. Again, it wasn't hurting when I was doing it, so I thought I had worked out the muscle spasm. Yeah no...

Last night I was sitting slouched in my computer chair, and when I went to sit up, I couldn't. When happens is that my muscles seem to relax themselves so much, that they aren't firm enough to life me using my core (or at least that's what it feels like). I have to use my arms and legs to brace myself, and basically "climb" up from a seated position, as using the core muscles are out of the question. I figured a good night's sleep will fix it.. but I spent most of the evening bracing myself, as I couldn't roll over unaided. Bending forward is out of the question, so I had to do a modified side bend to get to my shampoo and shave my legs this morning. I'm sure to an outside, it would look hysterical.

I had to cancel my canoeing trip with Ryan and Heather, which I was really bummed about. I just didn't think it would be a good idea for me to climb in and out of a canoe, and try to paddle, in this condition.

It usually goes away after a day or so... as it works it's own self out. But I guess it taught me to things - 1. Don't sit in that chair, stupid! and 2. I'm getting old.

Dancing the night away...

Wow! It's been a very long time since I've been out dancing and I had a blast tonight. I used to go country line dancing every Sunday night during college, but the group grew out of it as Nashville's closed, and then Little Texas became even more shady.

I went to a crab feast at my church tonight, which had very heavy and large steamed crabs, plus a whole buffet of other food. But, I was too busy dancing to really pay much attention to any of it. I did enjoy the crabs though - very delicious!

My dancing partner in crime was my cousin TJ, but if he isn't able to make the functions, I normally pull my priest out on the dance floor with me. But, since TJ was there tonight, I didn't let him rest. I taught him how to schotish, el paso, and swing... plus we did a lot of the oldie but goodie line dances. And it's always fun to just shake your booty to the music when we didn't know a formal dance to it.

Remarkably I got a lot of compliments as I was walking out with a bunch of people, on my dancing. Sometimes it's just a great feeling to be so carefree!

Anyone wanna dance with me?

One day, I will have a door.

I have to hope, and keep true to the belief that all of this means something, and it's not "all for nothing."

Aspirations, drive, and goals in life are what keep me sane. My newest aspiration, based on a conversation I had earlier today with my friend David, is that after we both graduate, we'll go into private business together. I worked for David back in my elearning days, and we made an amazing team. He's still with the company, but he's also getting a holistic certification in breathing.

Breathing is actually more then a simple act, and through the breath, so much can be found. I don't know all of the details, but through deep breathing and simple meditation, many insights reveal themselves. My piece of that puzzle is that my grad degree can be used in various ways. Namely coaching through work-related/life decisions and helping to facilitate the process of a change - work or personal. Together, we can help an individual self-actualize and learn how to use their best "self" and make that leap to wherever they want to go.

It's an interesting thought... but maybe in 2 years we'll both be ready for it.

So I have lots of 2 year plans to aspire to:
1. Buying a house
2. An external consulting business on the side
3. And the hope, that one day, I'll have a door, and no longer live in a cube. (That would meet my need for having the ability to take cat naps at work!)

the rest of the week...

Well, it's Wednesday... time to reflect on the rest of the week.

Tonight I'm facilitating the People Engagement Meeting at church, which should be interesting. They wanted me to do a power point on that, and I generally don't like to do them, as they have a bad stigma associated with them. My humble opinion is for them to be just a visual, not a composite of run-on sentences. But people immediately get a feeling about how the night is going to go, if they see a power point. But, I do what I'm told, and I really didn't feel like arguing about it.

Good thing I looked at my calendar, as I have a New Leader Assimilation to do with a new Director in the CBO tomorrow. I need to finish prepping for that, but it's not until the afternoon.

Friday I'm facilitating part of the Manager's meeting, and we'll be discussing problem solving... that's always a fun topic.

Saturday I have to take my mom to the eye doctor, and then I have a church thing Saturday night. Then Sunday... I'm going canoeing. That's right, I'm going canoeing.

In the moment... again

The strong theme for the weekend was to "trust the process" and "live in the moment" of what is happening, and learn from it. We learned yesterday that there are a lot of "reflective and thinking" type people in the class, which is going to force me to stop and not push for a deliverable so quickly. I like ambiguity, but I like knowing what I'm supposed to deliver after I figure it out - because, like everyone else in the class, I have a strong need to get it right. Especially when there is a grade attached to dealing with the ambiguity, and a B- is below a 3.0, and you "failed".

But, it's the process that is the learning, not the learning in a means to an end. As long as I keep that in the front of my mind, I can stumble through it.

I have a lot going on this week: bowling tonight (which conflicts with the Parish Council meeting that I was appointed to last week, therefore I'm skipping Parish Council until next month, to not let my team down), two meetings tomorrow toward DC, homework for my small group due Tuesday, and my problem child on Wednesday morning. That takes me to Thursday... and well, I haven't even looked that far yet.

But.... trust the process!

Libations Seminar

Or, in other words - a liquid involved debrief! Christine, who spent 20 years in the Army before going into consulting, was the first to use the term "libations seminar" during our morning check-in with the group. I love the term, and will be using it to describe my other drinks with the group! hehe

Today was horrid. I really can't even explain it, but there was a whole bunch of processing of the process, lots of instructions with no clear deliverable, and people playing the game of "telephone" when sharing information. We had our 2 hour "community" time after our full day of class, and it was clear that none of us were happy. But we will be working on addressing the issues tomorrow... thank God.

I'm packed up for the morning when I check out, but I have another full day of class before driving back up to Baltimore. It's been a long 5 days. I don't think it's going to be as bad when I'm just here for the weekend, but a full week is just too much. There are so many data points, and we can't process them.

My hotel-mates and I walked down the long hill to Georgetown tonight to have dinner at a great Asian inspired restaurant on M street. LOVED IT! They have various themes, but the tables downstairs were amazing. The music was really loud, but I loved the atmosphere of the place... but alas, I did not get up with the belly dancer and show off my stuff. We had to wait over an hour for our dinner, but it was really good.

I'm kinda blanking... as I have to get up extra early, finish getting my stuff together, check out, and get us over to school in time for class to start at 8:30am. But I can do it!

1st day of Class

Today was the official start of my grad program, with my first full day of class. I was pleasantly surprised how un-academic it was. I'm trying to figure out how they are going to combine the adult learning principles in a group setting with the academics. I felt some conflicting emotions as my professor, and director of the program, mentioned that we should think of them as colleagues, not as a "teacher". But, my colleagues never were responsible for grading me and the final decision on whether or not I pass! Especially when I'm paying so much damn money out of my own pocket!

This morning we presented our first paper on "emerging challenges" in our field. I spoke about two of the many in healthcare, namely time and lack of systems thinking. But it seems that the speedy advancement of technology, generational gaps, and pressure to prove value in our field were prevalent.

We broke for lunch, and some of us decided to try out the Student Union for lunch, in the main cafeteria. What a HOOT! hehe When we walked in, the one cashier thought we were new faculty and tried to direct us upstairs to the lounge! But for $7.33, it was all you could possibly eat, and me, not coming from a large university environment had no idea what variety would be available. I was impressed, and the food wasn't that bad. Mary, Svenja and I were torn, as we didn't know what to get for lunch this morning. We saw the Balducci's on the way to the parking lot, and went in, but couldn't figure out what to get, as everything needed refrigeration. But now that we know there is a fridge and microwave available to us in the building, we'll be shopping there more often.

After lunch we came back to an interesting activity. There was a huge paper timeline on the wall, from pre 1930s, to post 2020. Our job was to put any and every life altering impactful "thing" that happened during that time. This was an interesting activity, as it really showed where the group thinking was/is. Our group is social and cultural based, as we thought those were important facts to add. I may use this activity with groups, because depending on the mix of the room, you'll get a variety of different time lines. It's a way to see what drives people, and what had the most impact on them.

We moved into a small group project, where we each had an era of time, and had to do the history of OD through it. Our group had the 50s and 60s, and that was when a lot of the western European thought and theory of social systems really started to take hold and be practiced. That's when action research was invented, which is based on data collection and presenting feedback to the audience involved for validation. Prior to that, feedback was never really solicited in groups. People weren't asked what they "thought" or how they "felt".

Some of us were in desperate need of a drink afterwards, so we headed over to a little place on New Mexico. I had the yummiest dinner - a watermelon cosmo and a cheese plate with fig and crostini. I was in heaven. I stopped in Balducci's to get a snack for later of hummus and pita.. which I've been enjoying in the privacy of my hotel room.

Tomorrow we spend the entire afternoon in the library researching our first major paper. We'll see how that goes! hehe :) But I'm having fun so far!