Grumpy

I have so much to do, and no motivation to do it... and I really don't care to do it!

Okay, with that said and complained about, let me get organized so I can begin the process of getting everything done that I'm supposed to do:

1. Respond to an article I read on blackboard in 250 words.
2. Read the entire Teams book.
3. Read various chapters of 2 other books.
4. Read a few online articles.
5. Design the goal setting training for the system project. (Isn't it ironic that they give the procrastinator the job of writing the goal setting module?)
6. Go to the gym every evening.
7. Design the opening and overview of MSH for the system project.
8. Deal with the goofie dynamics that my cohort are going through over a race conversation. Stay out of it as much as possible.
9. Attend the benefits fair for two hours, working my departments table.
10. Attend and facilitate the directors meeting for one of my clients.
11. Respond via email to three clients.
12. Send another client the proposal.
13. Pack my bag for this weekend's class.
14. Get interrupted every 15 minutes so my coworker can show me what she's completed on the project.
15. Work from home and go out on a date at the same time. (I really am that talented)
16. Finish knitting my vest that I am making.
17. Write lists of things that I have to do.

By the way, all of this is due Thursday.

Have a nice day! :)

#4

So I have number 4 guy to add to the mix of the three. Actually, he was part of the original 9, and we have been emailing back and forth every day, but I wasn't including him because we hadn't been out on a date yet.

I was getting slower in my email response to him, just because I've been busy with the other 3, plus everything else that is going on, and he stepped up his communication to me, and we exchanged phone numbers. I'm really glad we did. We talked last night for 2 hours on the phone, and time just flew by. He's incredibly sweet, but still a guy. That sounds sexist, but it is what it is. And, he's actually looking for a relationship, not something to just pass the time until something better comes along. We should be going out on a date soon, but he's actually really interested, and I have to admit that I am too!

I spent this weekend shopping and cleaning up the yard, which was fun and relaxing. I also read a really good article for class on positive psychology. I have to share more about that when I have time, but since I'm heading out in a few to teach a class, this is going to be a short update.

My Man Type

I get spurts of ideas sometimes and I let it flow yesterday at work and I decided to write another book. No, I haven't written my first book yet on the secret to happiness, but after going through my emotional drama over the summer, I think I can write with more authority on that topic, as I've lived pulling myself out of it.

Maybe because it is something that I know and I can relate to, but I really hold providence in the idea of using the MBTI in romancing. Now, before the die-hards get their backup, allow me to clarify that I am not saying that certain types of people should be with other types. Nor am I saying that certain types are better at relationships. But based on my own experiences in the dating world, I've come to know what I like. And just maybe, I can help other people find it too.

It doesn't really matter to me if the guy is an introvert or an extrovert. I am an ENFP, which pretty much turns any personality type into an extrovert. My type makes me a good listener, so I can normally get anyone talking for hours about any given topic. What matters for me is the last 3 letters, and I'm finding that certain combos of them suit me better than others.

For me, I need to date an N, or an intuitive. I can get along with female S's, but I feel dismissed by the male S's. They don't get me. We have conversations on entirely two different levels, and it is almost stereotypical in the archetype of female and male conversations. I want to talk about the big picture and dream, and they get lost in the 5 senses. They don't get it if they can't taste, touch, smell, etc. it. A male S will cause me to shut down and not open up, because I can tell that they are tuning me out and really don't want to know what I'm saying. I think one of the guy's I'm seeing now is a S. He wants to talk and be in contact with me, but he doesn't want to say anything. On my date with him Tuesday night, we only spoke during commercial breaks, and I can clearly see that me talking during the show was not acceptable. I've also noticed that I get dismissed, even if we aren't around a tv. He doesn't know or understand how to respond to my humor, nor does he get when I'm joking. But I still like him.

I can give or take a T/F combo. Although I am naturally drawn to an NT. They stimulate my intelligence and I like proving them wrong or matching wits with them. For them, it is all about competence. They have absolutely no patience for someone who does not show competence. And God forbid if you try to share information with them and you do not have the credentials to back you up. The F male is not the stereotypical male or the male that is most celebrated in American culture. Although none of the types are linked to sex, a female T is usually called a "bitch" in American culture. And a male F is "artsy." But because I like to be stimulated and challenged in conversation, and like the alpha male type, I am naturally drawn to NTs.

I don't have a J/P preference for my type. But I will say that my theory is that if someone is a strong P, it will take a "weaker" P or a J to pin them down into a relationship. A P never knows what they want, they prefer to coast along and see what happens. A J knows exactly what they want, and I think usually it is the J that speaks up in the pair and says, "I want you."

Okay, so what is really going on here? I don't feel like working on my project, so I'm pontificating to waste some energy on that.

I'm busy

So, I'm dating 3 guys, doing homework, working full time on a huge highly visible project, maintaining friendships, and knitting a new sweater vest thingy. Plus exercising, meditating, and taking yoga. And having really vivid dreams. And there I was, a few months ago, worried that I wouldn't have a life and I'd waste away to nothing after 30. And that I'd be alone!

My new challenge is to get a handle on my spiritual and personal life and enhance it as much as my career-life is enhanced. I'm totally in control in my career-life. I know what I want, I know how to get it, and I'm damn good at what I do. I'm confident, earnest, and yet totally loving everything that I am doing. Its one place in my life where I feel totally in control and successful.

My new found spirituality has been amazing. Actually, it's not newly found. I had it years ago, but I lost it along the way. I'm spiritually feeling what I felt then, which is an openness around my heart and an energy in my soul that is just open to the world. I was driving home from my date on Tuesday night, on 95 looking over toward the city, and I found myself not struck by the buildings, but the idea that there are people in there, trying to live their lives and make their way. I felt connected to everyone. I actually was so touched that I wanted to cry and try to make everyone better. But I knew that I could only do that by making myself better. It truly was a holy moment.

As for my personal life, my romantic life, I don't know where to begin. I escaped the trials of growing up in a divorced home with sick grandparents and a cheating father and a hurt mother by reading romance novels. I've talked about this before, but its given me a warped sense of what I'm looking for. I want my eyes to connect across the table at theirs and hear a choir of angels, I want our lips to touch and feel a spark of electricity shoot through my entire body. I'm not talking about arousal, I'm talking about the knowing that something I've been waiting for has been found.

But when reality sets in, it doesn't work like that. Yet some people describe it that way, so I know it does happen for some people. I've been on two dates with two of the guys, and I have to tell you that I haven't felt the spark, nor heard the choir. One is gun-shy, because he's been married before to a terrible woman and had a horrible divorce. He doesn't want anything serious yet, but he communicates with me constantly. However I can see the struggle within him to protect his heart from moving too quickly and going after what he wants. The one last night, it was a great date, but he's incredibly shy and tentative. I had to contain myself, because I'm not sure if he can really hold his own against me.

Its weird, I feel like everything I just wrote I can share with the one from last night, F. But the one who wants to talk to me all the time, wants to be in contact with me, all of what I just wrote would go over his head. Maybe if I make a tv show about it, he'd get it. The third one, M, would get it, add insight to it, I feel like the spark would be there, but I can't get over the fact that he looks like my uncle. But I am going to go out with him again.

And yet, through it all, I continue to say my loving-kindness prayer, and have faith that it will happen.

Looking cute!

I feel really proud when I get compliments on my legs.... even if it is just from my female coworkers at work. I don't normally wear a dress, and when I have one on, they are usually startled. I'm looking cute - I have a black turtle neck dress on, and textured tights with little black flats with ruffles. I feel good, and look good!

Last night's date was a lot of fun. We ate dinner and then cuddled and made-out for awhile! I had to chuckle, as in typical guy fashion he only talked during the commercials, otherwise he was riveted to the tv. And it wasn't even sports, it was Fox News! But such is life! He's an okay kisser, I think his excitement got the better of him and he lost a little finesse... thus I took over and moved things a little more sensually.

Tonight I'm going out to dinner with another guy... this should be fun! I can't wait!

Disloyal

Okay, so here we go with my goofy sense of self, once again. I call it goofy because I really don't think normal people have this problem, but me, in my over-thinking and feeling glory, has it.

So I've been talking to 3 guys, who don't know about each other. When asked if I was seeing anyone else by one of them, I mentioned that I was talking to other people, but nothing serious. Which is the truth, I have no commitment to these guys, nor have we said anything about being exclusive. But my warped sense of loyalty is starting to have a problem.

I talk to two of them constantly, all day, every day. And both of them usually call me in the evening. Both flirt with me, and I flirt right back, both talk about wanting to see me and planning dates, and I want to see both of them and go on dates, so I go right along with it. But do to the amount of contact I have, and the quality of contact that I am having, I am starting to feel loyal to each of them, and talking and planning with the other one makes me feel disloyal to the other.

In my head, if we're just dating, then I shouldn't be talking to them so often, or be in contact so often. One shouldn't be sending me "xoxoxoxox" every few hours or, "thinking of you" messages.... the other shouldn't be checking in to see how my day is going. I'm not used to guys actively paying attention to me, and when they do, I always seem to think its a little more serious then just dating. In my head, "just dating" means two people who go out on dates, maybe kiss goodnight, but the relationship isn't headed anywhere... its almost the equivalent of two friends going out. Because of the amount of contact, I almost feel like I'm cheating on the other one and vice verse.

Which makes totally no sense to me, thus why it is goofy. I'm not in a relationship with these guys, so I shouldn't feel like I'm cheating. Thus my warped sense of loyalty.... get a grip, Amy!

All Souls Day

And my soul is feeling great! I had an awesome weekend, with some good highlights to share, and I can't wait for the rest of the week!

"This is it!" was amazing! I want to see it again. For all of that man's problems and issues, he was an artistic genius. He was one of the few performers who is totally hands-on with every part of the design of the concert and it was AWESOME! I highly suggest that if you ever liked his music at all, or want to see a true artist at work, go see it!

I spent Halloween going to the Amish market, then working on my paper. We only had 4 trick-or-treaters the whole night, before I left to go out on a date around 10pm. I met one of the new guys for a drink, and I was startled. I think he's lying about his age, because all of his grey hair makes him look like my dad. I felt like the "mid-life crisis girlfriend" although he's 37 and never married. But I did enjoy my time with him, and I'm going to go out with him again to get a good read if any attraction was there. He's a really great guy, and I don't want to through him off the list that quickly.

Sunday I taught my first Confirmation class, and mean Ms. Amy had to come out. I've really perfected the art of scaring the crap out of them. It doesn't involve yelling, it just involves sitting in silence until they grow extremely uncomfortable. We sat for 10 minutes before they finally got their act together enough to continue. Now that I laid the ground-work, usually by the end of the year I just have to shoot them a look and they behave. hhehehehehe, it really is fun!

I got to play Spongebob Operation with my little cousin Ben on Sunday night. He's a riot, he handed me the cards to the game and said, "here, I can't read yet." But he helped me count all of the money that he won, by using his fingers. His mom also told me about his trick-or-treating. Apparently some kids had went up on one of the porches right before he got there, so Ben didn't get to ring the doorbell. He then informed them that he has to ring the doorbell, before they give him candy. So they were good sports, closed the door, and let him ring the doorbell and say "Trick-or-treat!" Too cute!

I have two dates planned this week, one happening Tuesday and the other Wednesday. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night... I think he's shaping up to be the one I'm most interested in... we'll see!