Pattern recognition

For all of those following along at home, I had to write two papers this past class on pattern recognition in my own life. Well, I just saw one of them in the last 10 minutes, and I'm pissed.

So, I'm very angry about this Pug situation that I mentioned earlier. And I'm sure he reads my blog (I'm assuming) and is doing it on purpose, because his twisted sense of humor works like that.

Here's the pattern:

Step 1 - I get angry, or pissed. And justify my anger in my mind.

Step 2 - I then rationalize my anger away, because I have no right to be angry over the situation.

Step 3 - I have a need to send a biting comment or sarcastic remark, to let him know I see him, and in the hopes that he'll realize and recognize that he wouldn't even be having such good fortune if he didn't steal my idea in the first place. I was the one who wanted pugs, and I was the one who suggested the breed. And, he knows how much I want them, and that I can't have them because no one is home to be with them. So if he's going to blurt it out all over facebook about how he's getting them, when he knows I'm on there, then it feels like a slap in the face.

Step 4 - I justify to myself again that me sending a biting comment is not my place, and I just should be mature and ignore it.

Step 5 - To pacify my anger and admission to feeling something so strongly, I go on a search for comfort food to physically suppress the emotion from escaping. Not finding anything.

Step 6 - When I realize what I'm doing, as I catch myself looking in my lunch bag, I get pissed again that my pattern is triggered, and I let that rat bastard trigger me, and I blog about it, in hopes of gaining release.

My pattern is the constant internal teeter-totter of acting mature and throwing a temper tantrum because my feelings were hurt. Because I know what I should be doing - acting graciously and maturely, I eat to suppress my temper tantrum.

Well... no more eating for me. Part of change is recognizing it, and I can feel the rage in me. It is actually swirling in my chest, and as I write it's dissolving.

I really need to get back to the gym, because that is usually what helps me. I have 100 lbs to lose, and I'm going to do it.

So what am I going to do - what I always do. Ignore him and the situation, and not let anyone see how this is upsetting me.

12 Hour Bug

So after my hastily mentioned sick stomach yesterday, I got even worse and went home early from work. I was pretty much out of commission until 9pm, when I finally ate a few bites of soup. My day was spent lounging on the couch when I wasn't being sick.

I am back to work this morning, and I have so much to do today before I go out on vacation until Jan 7th. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up on it all! And now I'm fighting a migraine. Plus I have a scarf to finish.

I also have my nose in a bit of a snit. It seems like my ex is in the process of adopting a pug. Mind you, this was my idea, as I was the one who suggested the breed in the first place, and we were going to have two - Phillip and Morris. Now he's adopting the dog I wanted. Oh well, at least I have Puggles - my fake adopted dog on Facebook. Which reminds me, I have to feed him...

Christmas Holiday!

WOW - what a whirlwind of activity!

St. Anne's prayer worked - my friend came into town and stayed overnight, which was so great to see him and catch up with him. I'm really happy he'll be back for 2 months at the end of the week. I really enjoy his company, and I'll enjoy sharing Baltimore with him.

I got a lot of cool cupcake things for Christmas, as well as a new TV for my room. And Christmas Day was amazing. Mom and I spent the morning together, and then we went to my cousin Wendy's. Dinner with the family was great and very tasty, and it was good to spend it together.

I spent all day Friday with my friend, and Saturday getting ready for the family party mom and I hosted. That turned out really well, and everyone seemed to have fun with the games!

I'll be spending New Year's with some more friends, and then my other friend will be in town over the long weekend. I haven't seen him in forever either, so that will be awesome fun!

Right now I'm sick in my stomach, and I don't know why. I just feel gross. Maybe I'm hungry... or going through sugar detox from all the cookies I've eaten.

Anyway - here are the pictures from the last few days:

Christmas 2008

Prayer for a man

It's good to be friends with priests. Actually, I don't know if I should call him Mike or Fr. Mike, as I knew him in the seminary working through the church, and called him Mike then.

But anyway, on with the story! I changed my facebook status to say: Amy is waiting for Santa - do you think he'll bring me a man?

Fr. Mike suggested that I pray to St. Anne: St. Anne, St. Anne - send me a man!

I wrote him back and said that I didn't know that St. Anne was in the match making business, but I'll give it a go!

He commented again: Oh, yes, she is and after 50 years of marriage you can pray - St. Anne, St. Anne - take back this man!

LOL

Witnessed History at Bowling!

Last night was our bowling party for our Monday Night Mix League, and one of the other team members rolled a perfect game - 900 points! He literally rolled strikes every time he got up! The guy's name is Rich Jerome Jr. and they are awaiting official notification for it! IT WAS AWESOME!

Christmas Week Good News!

I was so sick Friday night. I had another gallbladder attack in the middle of the night, which seems to be produced when I eat a lot of junk food. I had a little too much on Friday, and then eating later compounded it, which set my stomach off! I'm feeling much better now... but will be going to see a doctor after the holidays. If I can't get it controlled through diet and weight loss, I'll probably have to have surgery - oh fun!

But - enough complaining! I am so excited that my friend Samuel is going to be in town this week. We thought he would be arriving in port on Christmas day, but it looks like 12/26 will be the time. We're going to do lunch before I take him to the airport! I miss him, so it'll be great catching up after our long parting. He'll be back to Baltimore for class in the New Year, so I can't wait to see him then too. It's just so much fun to talk to him.... I just really enjoy myself.

I had confirmation that my friend Brian from New Orleans will be staying with me Jan 4-6th. I have about 15 options of fun things we can do, as I'm the last person he'll be staying with before going home. I haven't seen him since he was in town last year over the summer, and we met for dinner. This is so exciting!

Then, I talked to my friend Michelle last night - and SHE'S PREGNANT! YAY! She's due in June, and I can't wait to help her start planning. The news hasn't firmly hit yet, but she and Tony are very excited! I am so happy for her, they are such a great couple!! :)

It seems like I'm getting all sorts of good news for Christmas! :) Yay! :)

I'm certified!

No, not certifiable, certified!

I finished my MBTI workshop this morning and took my exam. I don't know the official grade yet, but I was told that I passed! Now I can start using it with clients to help them really understand communication issues, as well as in coaching. There's actually so many uses for it! My instructor was the CEO of the OKA, and I was told that the going rate for my services is between $1000 and $3500 a day for doing a workshop with clients! With that, I can work one day a week and be pretty set for awhile!

Unfortunately there is a lot of stigma out there about type, as people are using it inappropriately, as it isn't a measurement of trait. It's just a preference tool that sorts people into buckets, but it doesn't limit them to the bucket. What I find fascinating, is that although it does not link to behaviors directly, each type of the MBTI has certain tendencies toward certain behaviors. And they appear and trend over multi-cultural lines!

PIMP for 90 Miles to Hot Chocolate

Friday was my department's holiday party. I have to say Holiday Party because Lori is Jewish... hehe :) Anyway, I got the greatest gift of all - a black chalice, rimmed with rhinestones, and the rhinestones also spell PIMP on the front! That's right, PIMP! WOOT!

I went to see my coworker's play on Saturday night. She's baptist and her church does huge productions at Christmas and Easter. Her music director actually wrote the musical "90 Miles" - and it's wonderful! I can't wait to see the Easter production.

I'm still at the Omni watching the relaxation channel as I write my final paper for my past class. I'm trying to find procrastination where I can, and even tried talking my friend Ryan to come down after bowling. If he's here to talk to me, than I won't have to work on it! LOL hehe :) I know, stupid logic. I really don't want to write it. I have to pick 3-5 themes of my life and self-diagnosis. It's funny, as I do that often in my blog, or I did right after I got out of my relationship. But I don't like sharing that information with her... she's a fool.

Oh well, back to work for me... I'm just excited that I get to enjoy the Omni's homemade marshmallows with the hot chocolate in the morning!

yummmm!

I stopped at the movie theater to pick up a gift card for our holiday party tomorrow, and I couldn't resist temptation from Starbucks next door.

I asked for the Espresso Truffle, and she asked if I wanted to put that into any flavors? She suggested the Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate with a shot of the Espresso Truffle.... OMG! I'm in heaven :)

A single chick has to take her pleasures from where she can get them!

themes

What an odd day, and it isn't even 10am.

It's actually raining and thundering outside, and supposed to go up to 60 degrees today. Considering that it was blustery and freezing the last few days, this is going to be interesting!

I've been "noodling" what to write my last paper about for my class. I have to pick 3-5 themes in my life, write what at least 3 psychologists say about my themes and their origin, and then life experiences of my own to support them. I'm having trouble narrowing down the themes, but I'm sure it'll all come to me when I'm ready to write it. It's interesting because I've been doing a lot of work on my self for a long time to rewire my themes that I can't think of too many recent life experiences to add where I fell into them. More thinking to be done...

We had an awesome bowling experience on Monday! WOO HOO! We actually swept the other team, taking all 4 points, and those ladies were bitter! They were actually very nasty, but I guess my response was one of my themes that I explored in my first paper. I didn't get angry, or feel insulted, I just felt sorry for them because bowling is the only thing that matters and they take it so seriously. It must be sad to live in such a small bubble.

I think I'm going to update my dating profile again. I had an idea of what to write, to try to explain myself better. We'll see if it gets even more responses. I've been popular lately, and I have to be honest and say that I really enjoy the attention.

Welcome to Monday!

What a whirlwind!

I really don't know what to say... but I do have some random updates:

- I have knitting projects that are deadlined for Christmas - and I actually worked with 2 classmates practicing consulting that helped me think about why I never finish a project.

- Apparently Friday was hell in the office with everyone in a tizzy. My luck has been able to avoid these unpleasant episodes.

- We are excepted to attend a meeting this afternoon in Columbia that no one knew about. But I get to do some Christmas shopping at the mall afterwards... mumble mumble mumble, have to go all the way to Columbia for a 1 hour meeting.

- Bowling tonight!

- I got a A- in my first OD class! WOOT! I got one of the top grades in the class, and I'm on track to get another A- in this class! WOOOT!

- I'll be back in DC for 3 nights next week to get my MBTI certification! YAY! I'll start requiring that for all my potential dates.

- I look very sophisticated today, with my scarf and the ever slimming black and grey.

- I'm going to start going to the gym at 5am... new plan, new challenge!

- I now have 2 friends visiting me around the holidays - and I can't wait to see them both!

Heading to DC tomorrow...

So I'm off to DC tomorrow for my last weekend of class for "Individual and Organization." WOOT!

I love going away for the weekend - even though it's just to DC, I feel like I'm really going somewhere and getting away. I like staying in hotels too, so that's always a bonus for me!

Apparently this time the hotel has lots of leopard print items in the room, as it's one of those boutique hotels in Dupont! Yay! I may just bring the camera to capture a few photos :)

Amazing Story of Fate

I often talk about my cousins Stacy and Wendy, both in their 40s, and both the daughters of my uncle. However, I don't talk about their older brother, Jerry, who died before I was born. My aunt and uncle moved to a house off of Eastern Ave that they had built in Chase. Their property backed up to the train tracks. Not long after moving in, my cousin Jerry and his friends were playing on the train tracks when the accident happened. He was killed instantly, and I can say that my uncle really hasn't been the same since.

Anyway...

His sister Wendy has been on CraigsList constantly looking for anyone who may have had yearbook pictures with Jerry in them the year he died, or in middle school. For some reason our family does not have them.

One man responded to her, and said that all of his year books were destroyed in a flood at his parents house, but they were able to salvage a few pages. One page they were able to save actually had Jerry's yearbook picture on it! The man scanned it and sent it to Wendy to share with the family.

I guess everyone is so interested recently, as Wendy's son, who is now Jerry's age, looks just like him. Wendy's son, Cody, is one of the only boys in the family (even in the extended family) so it's nice to have pictures of the ones who are gone.

split personalities

It's 4:29pm, which is also my birthdate, and my Golden Year of 29.... isn't that neat!?!

Anyway...

I got my feedback from my paper last night, and I decided to ignore it for one night and tackle it tonight. It's one of those things that I know if I "have" to do it, I will put my nose to the grind and work on it. Apparently the paper flows, but there I need to clarify a few points. Hopefully there is data out there to support what I need to clarify. I will find it!

I just had a great meeting with my client. I'm working in 2 of the Director of Operations offices, and it's been fun. I'm writing my first observation report, and the Norms of office behavior are unsettling. I'm apprehensive to report the data back, as the Norm is to not do what they are supposed to do. I need to flex my empathy and be more of a thinker and just deliver it. It'll be a good lesson for me. The meeting this afternoon was about the other office, who has another delusional physician. This one apparently has a split personality! oh fun!

The "A Paper" and Dating

Here's the deal: If I do everything on the syllabus for class, the highest grade I can get, ever, is a B+. If I want any shot at getting an A, I have to write the extra paper. So I finished writing it last night and sent it off for peer review.

I don't like writing exploratory papers. I had to pick a topic out of the following categories: gender, sexuality, culture, race, class, or spirituality. From there, I had to relate it to personality, and how a certain "type" of personality may develop based on those things.

I truly felt I was grasping for straws on this one. I hated every minute of writing it, as there wasn't concrete research, and I felt like I was making sweeping generalizations. When I explain the topic to people they think it makes sense, I just hope it makes sense in the paper. My topic is on something called "Attachment Parenting" and how more of the Catholic Church is adopting the use of this technique opposed to the traditional "catholic guilt". This is important for an OD practitioner to know (I had to add this to the paper) because adults who are raised in an attachment household and adults raised in a household of guilt have very distinct characteristics. This would be handy to know when working with teams of people who are in conflict and are dysfunctional.

I don't even know how I found the topic, I stumbled upon it as I was googling catholic and personality. What I was hoping to find was some research on the personality types of Catholics and if there is a common theme - i.e. addictive personalities, followers, compassionate, etc. Oh well, the paper is finished and is off to my two reviewers. Hopefully I was able to logically flow with this one.

I think I'm addicted to creating dating profiles online. I joined Catholic Match again last night, but I think some of these people are WAAAY too Catholic for me. This seems like an oxymoron, as I'm the one teaching Confirmation and at Mass every Sunday, and on the Parish Council. But it seems to me that some of them, by reading the profiles, lack a balance in their lives. There's a zeal there that is slightly disturbing, and I think the details of the faith are taken into consideration and they miss the "big picture". But I do enjoy seeing what kind of person I attract. Although, it's usually me making the first contact on these sites.

Anyway... back to work!

no stinkin' thinkin' here

I'm waiting to go into my director's office, as another coworker snuck in ahead of me. My meeting is supposed to be at 11am, and it's almost 15mins after... oh well!

I was all set to go to bed around 11pm last night, when I started updating my computer. My windows update mentioned it was time to install them. My computer rebooted, and the next thing I know I have something called Windows Genuine on the task bar and it's telling me that my version of Windows is not valid. I did some research, and apparently if I don't make it valid within 30 days, it will start to deconstruct. GREAT!

Reviewing the details, when my Ex created the computer for me, he must have used a copy of Windows XP from his office. Which makes me not legit, and in order to convert my copy, I either had to change some .dll files or buy the legit version. I was set to start changing the files, but my conscious and my rusty computer skills got the best of me and I went legit. They got my money. Being in grad school is not the best time to be without a computer this month - I have lots of papers to write! Oh well, at least I did the right thing.

I got an email from an awesome friend who has some vacation time and will be up to visit me around Christmas! YAY!! I'm so excited he's coming! I'm already planning all the adventures we can go on! It will so great to see him again! :) I've spent a few New Years with him a couple years ago, and hopefully he'll be able to spend New Years with me and my friends! Yay!!!

I've also been reading The Courage to be Yourself by Sue Patton Thoele. A coworker recommended the book to me, as I fit into some of the roles that women portray. Mainly the nurturer (who wants to take care of anyone, despite themselves) or Xena Warrior Princess (who walks around acting like she doesn't need anyone, as she learned to rely on herself). It'll be interesting to see what the book recommends, but really it call comes down to self-awareness. Just knowing about the tendencies helps them. I've started putting myself out there more, and being more open, we'll see what happens! hehe