Pattern recognition

For all of those following along at home, I had to write two papers this past class on pattern recognition in my own life. Well, I just saw one of them in the last 10 minutes, and I'm pissed.

So, I'm very angry about this Pug situation that I mentioned earlier. And I'm sure he reads my blog (I'm assuming) and is doing it on purpose, because his twisted sense of humor works like that.

Here's the pattern:

Step 1 - I get angry, or pissed. And justify my anger in my mind.

Step 2 - I then rationalize my anger away, because I have no right to be angry over the situation.

Step 3 - I have a need to send a biting comment or sarcastic remark, to let him know I see him, and in the hopes that he'll realize and recognize that he wouldn't even be having such good fortune if he didn't steal my idea in the first place. I was the one who wanted pugs, and I was the one who suggested the breed. And, he knows how much I want them, and that I can't have them because no one is home to be with them. So if he's going to blurt it out all over facebook about how he's getting them, when he knows I'm on there, then it feels like a slap in the face.

Step 4 - I justify to myself again that me sending a biting comment is not my place, and I just should be mature and ignore it.

Step 5 - To pacify my anger and admission to feeling something so strongly, I go on a search for comfort food to physically suppress the emotion from escaping. Not finding anything.

Step 6 - When I realize what I'm doing, as I catch myself looking in my lunch bag, I get pissed again that my pattern is triggered, and I let that rat bastard trigger me, and I blog about it, in hopes of gaining release.

My pattern is the constant internal teeter-totter of acting mature and throwing a temper tantrum because my feelings were hurt. Because I know what I should be doing - acting graciously and maturely, I eat to suppress my temper tantrum.

Well... no more eating for me. Part of change is recognizing it, and I can feel the rage in me. It is actually swirling in my chest, and as I write it's dissolving.

I really need to get back to the gym, because that is usually what helps me. I have 100 lbs to lose, and I'm going to do it.

So what am I going to do - what I always do. Ignore him and the situation, and not let anyone see how this is upsetting me.

12 Hour Bug

So after my hastily mentioned sick stomach yesterday, I got even worse and went home early from work. I was pretty much out of commission until 9pm, when I finally ate a few bites of soup. My day was spent lounging on the couch when I wasn't being sick.

I am back to work this morning, and I have so much to do today before I go out on vacation until Jan 7th. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up on it all! And now I'm fighting a migraine. Plus I have a scarf to finish.

I also have my nose in a bit of a snit. It seems like my ex is in the process of adopting a pug. Mind you, this was my idea, as I was the one who suggested the breed in the first place, and we were going to have two - Phillip and Morris. Now he's adopting the dog I wanted. Oh well, at least I have Puggles - my fake adopted dog on Facebook. Which reminds me, I have to feed him...

Christmas Holiday!

WOW - what a whirlwind of activity!

St. Anne's prayer worked - my friend came into town and stayed overnight, which was so great to see him and catch up with him. I'm really happy he'll be back for 2 months at the end of the week. I really enjoy his company, and I'll enjoy sharing Baltimore with him.

I got a lot of cool cupcake things for Christmas, as well as a new TV for my room. And Christmas Day was amazing. Mom and I spent the morning together, and then we went to my cousin Wendy's. Dinner with the family was great and very tasty, and it was good to spend it together.

I spent all day Friday with my friend, and Saturday getting ready for the family party mom and I hosted. That turned out really well, and everyone seemed to have fun with the games!

I'll be spending New Year's with some more friends, and then my other friend will be in town over the long weekend. I haven't seen him in forever either, so that will be awesome fun!

Right now I'm sick in my stomach, and I don't know why. I just feel gross. Maybe I'm hungry... or going through sugar detox from all the cookies I've eaten.

Anyway - here are the pictures from the last few days:

Christmas 2008

Prayer for a man

It's good to be friends with priests. Actually, I don't know if I should call him Mike or Fr. Mike, as I knew him in the seminary working through the church, and called him Mike then.

But anyway, on with the story! I changed my facebook status to say: Amy is waiting for Santa - do you think he'll bring me a man?

Fr. Mike suggested that I pray to St. Anne: St. Anne, St. Anne - send me a man!

I wrote him back and said that I didn't know that St. Anne was in the match making business, but I'll give it a go!

He commented again: Oh, yes, she is and after 50 years of marriage you can pray - St. Anne, St. Anne - take back this man!

LOL

Witnessed History at Bowling!

Last night was our bowling party for our Monday Night Mix League, and one of the other team members rolled a perfect game - 900 points! He literally rolled strikes every time he got up! The guy's name is Rich Jerome Jr. and they are awaiting official notification for it! IT WAS AWESOME!

Christmas Week Good News!

I was so sick Friday night. I had another gallbladder attack in the middle of the night, which seems to be produced when I eat a lot of junk food. I had a little too much on Friday, and then eating later compounded it, which set my stomach off! I'm feeling much better now... but will be going to see a doctor after the holidays. If I can't get it controlled through diet and weight loss, I'll probably have to have surgery - oh fun!

But - enough complaining! I am so excited that my friend Samuel is going to be in town this week. We thought he would be arriving in port on Christmas day, but it looks like 12/26 will be the time. We're going to do lunch before I take him to the airport! I miss him, so it'll be great catching up after our long parting. He'll be back to Baltimore for class in the New Year, so I can't wait to see him then too. It's just so much fun to talk to him.... I just really enjoy myself.

I had confirmation that my friend Brian from New Orleans will be staying with me Jan 4-6th. I have about 15 options of fun things we can do, as I'm the last person he'll be staying with before going home. I haven't seen him since he was in town last year over the summer, and we met for dinner. This is so exciting!

Then, I talked to my friend Michelle last night - and SHE'S PREGNANT! YAY! She's due in June, and I can't wait to help her start planning. The news hasn't firmly hit yet, but she and Tony are very excited! I am so happy for her, they are such a great couple!! :)

It seems like I'm getting all sorts of good news for Christmas! :) Yay! :)

I'm certified!

No, not certifiable, certified!

I finished my MBTI workshop this morning and took my exam. I don't know the official grade yet, but I was told that I passed! Now I can start using it with clients to help them really understand communication issues, as well as in coaching. There's actually so many uses for it! My instructor was the CEO of the OKA, and I was told that the going rate for my services is between $1000 and $3500 a day for doing a workshop with clients! With that, I can work one day a week and be pretty set for awhile!

Unfortunately there is a lot of stigma out there about type, as people are using it inappropriately, as it isn't a measurement of trait. It's just a preference tool that sorts people into buckets, but it doesn't limit them to the bucket. What I find fascinating, is that although it does not link to behaviors directly, each type of the MBTI has certain tendencies toward certain behaviors. And they appear and trend over multi-cultural lines!

PIMP for 90 Miles to Hot Chocolate

Friday was my department's holiday party. I have to say Holiday Party because Lori is Jewish... hehe :) Anyway, I got the greatest gift of all - a black chalice, rimmed with rhinestones, and the rhinestones also spell PIMP on the front! That's right, PIMP! WOOT!

I went to see my coworker's play on Saturday night. She's baptist and her church does huge productions at Christmas and Easter. Her music director actually wrote the musical "90 Miles" - and it's wonderful! I can't wait to see the Easter production.

I'm still at the Omni watching the relaxation channel as I write my final paper for my past class. I'm trying to find procrastination where I can, and even tried talking my friend Ryan to come down after bowling. If he's here to talk to me, than I won't have to work on it! LOL hehe :) I know, stupid logic. I really don't want to write it. I have to pick 3-5 themes of my life and self-diagnosis. It's funny, as I do that often in my blog, or I did right after I got out of my relationship. But I don't like sharing that information with her... she's a fool.

Oh well, back to work for me... I'm just excited that I get to enjoy the Omni's homemade marshmallows with the hot chocolate in the morning!

yummmm!

I stopped at the movie theater to pick up a gift card for our holiday party tomorrow, and I couldn't resist temptation from Starbucks next door.

I asked for the Espresso Truffle, and she asked if I wanted to put that into any flavors? She suggested the Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate with a shot of the Espresso Truffle.... OMG! I'm in heaven :)

A single chick has to take her pleasures from where she can get them!

themes

What an odd day, and it isn't even 10am.

It's actually raining and thundering outside, and supposed to go up to 60 degrees today. Considering that it was blustery and freezing the last few days, this is going to be interesting!

I've been "noodling" what to write my last paper about for my class. I have to pick 3-5 themes in my life, write what at least 3 psychologists say about my themes and their origin, and then life experiences of my own to support them. I'm having trouble narrowing down the themes, but I'm sure it'll all come to me when I'm ready to write it. It's interesting because I've been doing a lot of work on my self for a long time to rewire my themes that I can't think of too many recent life experiences to add where I fell into them. More thinking to be done...

We had an awesome bowling experience on Monday! WOO HOO! We actually swept the other team, taking all 4 points, and those ladies were bitter! They were actually very nasty, but I guess my response was one of my themes that I explored in my first paper. I didn't get angry, or feel insulted, I just felt sorry for them because bowling is the only thing that matters and they take it so seriously. It must be sad to live in such a small bubble.

I think I'm going to update my dating profile again. I had an idea of what to write, to try to explain myself better. We'll see if it gets even more responses. I've been popular lately, and I have to be honest and say that I really enjoy the attention.

Welcome to Monday!

What a whirlwind!

I really don't know what to say... but I do have some random updates:

- I have knitting projects that are deadlined for Christmas - and I actually worked with 2 classmates practicing consulting that helped me think about why I never finish a project.

- Apparently Friday was hell in the office with everyone in a tizzy. My luck has been able to avoid these unpleasant episodes.

- We are excepted to attend a meeting this afternoon in Columbia that no one knew about. But I get to do some Christmas shopping at the mall afterwards... mumble mumble mumble, have to go all the way to Columbia for a 1 hour meeting.

- Bowling tonight!

- I got a A- in my first OD class! WOOT! I got one of the top grades in the class, and I'm on track to get another A- in this class! WOOOT!

- I'll be back in DC for 3 nights next week to get my MBTI certification! YAY! I'll start requiring that for all my potential dates.

- I look very sophisticated today, with my scarf and the ever slimming black and grey.

- I'm going to start going to the gym at 5am... new plan, new challenge!

- I now have 2 friends visiting me around the holidays - and I can't wait to see them both!

Heading to DC tomorrow...

So I'm off to DC tomorrow for my last weekend of class for "Individual and Organization." WOOT!

I love going away for the weekend - even though it's just to DC, I feel like I'm really going somewhere and getting away. I like staying in hotels too, so that's always a bonus for me!

Apparently this time the hotel has lots of leopard print items in the room, as it's one of those boutique hotels in Dupont! Yay! I may just bring the camera to capture a few photos :)

Amazing Story of Fate

I often talk about my cousins Stacy and Wendy, both in their 40s, and both the daughters of my uncle. However, I don't talk about their older brother, Jerry, who died before I was born. My aunt and uncle moved to a house off of Eastern Ave that they had built in Chase. Their property backed up to the train tracks. Not long after moving in, my cousin Jerry and his friends were playing on the train tracks when the accident happened. He was killed instantly, and I can say that my uncle really hasn't been the same since.

Anyway...

His sister Wendy has been on CraigsList constantly looking for anyone who may have had yearbook pictures with Jerry in them the year he died, or in middle school. For some reason our family does not have them.

One man responded to her, and said that all of his year books were destroyed in a flood at his parents house, but they were able to salvage a few pages. One page they were able to save actually had Jerry's yearbook picture on it! The man scanned it and sent it to Wendy to share with the family.

I guess everyone is so interested recently, as Wendy's son, who is now Jerry's age, looks just like him. Wendy's son, Cody, is one of the only boys in the family (even in the extended family) so it's nice to have pictures of the ones who are gone.

split personalities

It's 4:29pm, which is also my birthdate, and my Golden Year of 29.... isn't that neat!?!

Anyway...

I got my feedback from my paper last night, and I decided to ignore it for one night and tackle it tonight. It's one of those things that I know if I "have" to do it, I will put my nose to the grind and work on it. Apparently the paper flows, but there I need to clarify a few points. Hopefully there is data out there to support what I need to clarify. I will find it!

I just had a great meeting with my client. I'm working in 2 of the Director of Operations offices, and it's been fun. I'm writing my first observation report, and the Norms of office behavior are unsettling. I'm apprehensive to report the data back, as the Norm is to not do what they are supposed to do. I need to flex my empathy and be more of a thinker and just deliver it. It'll be a good lesson for me. The meeting this afternoon was about the other office, who has another delusional physician. This one apparently has a split personality! oh fun!

The "A Paper" and Dating

Here's the deal: If I do everything on the syllabus for class, the highest grade I can get, ever, is a B+. If I want any shot at getting an A, I have to write the extra paper. So I finished writing it last night and sent it off for peer review.

I don't like writing exploratory papers. I had to pick a topic out of the following categories: gender, sexuality, culture, race, class, or spirituality. From there, I had to relate it to personality, and how a certain "type" of personality may develop based on those things.

I truly felt I was grasping for straws on this one. I hated every minute of writing it, as there wasn't concrete research, and I felt like I was making sweeping generalizations. When I explain the topic to people they think it makes sense, I just hope it makes sense in the paper. My topic is on something called "Attachment Parenting" and how more of the Catholic Church is adopting the use of this technique opposed to the traditional "catholic guilt". This is important for an OD practitioner to know (I had to add this to the paper) because adults who are raised in an attachment household and adults raised in a household of guilt have very distinct characteristics. This would be handy to know when working with teams of people who are in conflict and are dysfunctional.

I don't even know how I found the topic, I stumbled upon it as I was googling catholic and personality. What I was hoping to find was some research on the personality types of Catholics and if there is a common theme - i.e. addictive personalities, followers, compassionate, etc. Oh well, the paper is finished and is off to my two reviewers. Hopefully I was able to logically flow with this one.

I think I'm addicted to creating dating profiles online. I joined Catholic Match again last night, but I think some of these people are WAAAY too Catholic for me. This seems like an oxymoron, as I'm the one teaching Confirmation and at Mass every Sunday, and on the Parish Council. But it seems to me that some of them, by reading the profiles, lack a balance in their lives. There's a zeal there that is slightly disturbing, and I think the details of the faith are taken into consideration and they miss the "big picture". But I do enjoy seeing what kind of person I attract. Although, it's usually me making the first contact on these sites.

Anyway... back to work!

no stinkin' thinkin' here

I'm waiting to go into my director's office, as another coworker snuck in ahead of me. My meeting is supposed to be at 11am, and it's almost 15mins after... oh well!

I was all set to go to bed around 11pm last night, when I started updating my computer. My windows update mentioned it was time to install them. My computer rebooted, and the next thing I know I have something called Windows Genuine on the task bar and it's telling me that my version of Windows is not valid. I did some research, and apparently if I don't make it valid within 30 days, it will start to deconstruct. GREAT!

Reviewing the details, when my Ex created the computer for me, he must have used a copy of Windows XP from his office. Which makes me not legit, and in order to convert my copy, I either had to change some .dll files or buy the legit version. I was set to start changing the files, but my conscious and my rusty computer skills got the best of me and I went legit. They got my money. Being in grad school is not the best time to be without a computer this month - I have lots of papers to write! Oh well, at least I did the right thing.

I got an email from an awesome friend who has some vacation time and will be up to visit me around Christmas! YAY!! I'm so excited he's coming! I'm already planning all the adventures we can go on! It will so great to see him again! :) I've spent a few New Years with him a couple years ago, and hopefully he'll be able to spend New Years with me and my friends! Yay!!!

I've also been reading The Courage to be Yourself by Sue Patton Thoele. A coworker recommended the book to me, as I fit into some of the roles that women portray. Mainly the nurturer (who wants to take care of anyone, despite themselves) or Xena Warrior Princess (who walks around acting like she doesn't need anyone, as she learned to rely on herself). It'll be interesting to see what the book recommends, but really it call comes down to self-awareness. Just knowing about the tendencies helps them. I've started putting myself out there more, and being more open, we'll see what happens! hehe

I Won the Biggest Loser at Work!

Yay!

So after starting the competition a few months ago, and extending it once, I have been awarded the title of the Biggest Weight Loss Loser at Work! WOOOHOOO

My percentage was 3.09% of my body weight. It would have been higher, but I didn't weigh in for almost a month, only made it to the gym a few times, and gained back 3lbs. However, I still won with the highest percentage lost! But - since I started (before the time frame of the competition), I've lost more weight - which makes my real percentage 5.16% overall! WOOO HOOOO!!

So, I'm now $150 richer and 5.16% lighter!

Just wait until we start again in January... I'm taking the money again!

Horoscope for the day

I don't normally take these things seriously but I thought it was interesting today:

Some rather intense and vivid dreams could inspire you to embark on some in-depth study of a subject that specifically interests you, dear Taurus. This could involve the arts, philosophy, or metaphysics. Travel plans to one of the world's great spiritual centers, such as Jerusalem, Glastonbury or Vrindavana, might be on your mind as a result. Your level of intuition is very high today, so whatever you dream of doing, give it some serious thought. It might be just what you need!

Anyone want to go to Glastonbury? I'd love to stumble upon King Arthur's grave and prove once and for all that he really did exist! I think they link the Holy Grail to this site as well. All legends aside, it supposed to be one of those magical places which "feel" powerful. Not sure if the earth's magnetic field is stronger in this particular location, but it's been linked to the supernatural for centuries.

Things like that always interest me... I've always felt called to do something great, maybe I will find it in one of those places.

monday catch-up day!

Monday = catch-up day! Yay!

I was out of the office most of last week either facilitating or observing. Actually, I need to do more observing this afternoon, as I have the final report due on Dec. 1 about my findings. I'm really not getting much data, except for 1 or 2 important conversations. I think they are on their best behavior when I'm there, so I really can't see anything that happens. But hopefully I'll blend in better the next couple of times around.

My boss has someone she wants to set me up with. He's apparently the son of a couple she and her boyfriend hang with. She couldn't personally verify what he's like, as she's never met him, but I'm always up for an adventure! I told her that I'm always looking to meet new people, so I'd have coffee with him if he was interested in having a blind date. I just like dating, it's fun! I wish more people saw it that way.

I turned in my Short Paper a day early for class, and now I've moved on to working on my A Paper (as she calls it). I'm still looking for a topic, but I have to settle on one soon. I have a few ideas, but I'm having trouble finding research about it. My ideas are mostly sweeping assumptions that could be contributed in a cause/effect, but nothing concrete. I need concrete data in order to write, as I don't have time to conduct my own study! hehe :)

I can't believe that Thanksgiving is this week. I saw at bowling that they are opening Rock 'N Bowl later in the evening on Thanksgiving at a discounted price. I'm trying to talk my family into going, as I think that would be a fun tradition to start!

Did you ever have someone in your life that causes a gut reaction (in a good way) whenever you hear or learn something new about them? I found out some more information today, and like all things about this person to me, it's bittersweet. Fate keeps moving...

ripple affect...

I don't know what it is about me, but I had two interesting scenarios while in New York yesterday that rival my story from the watering hole I posted earlier.

I always seem to leave a positive lasting impression on complete strangers, and I really don't know what it is about me that does it.

Yesterday, I was walking down Mulberry Street in Little Italy with my family while visiting NYC. Around lunch time, they had reps from each Italian restaurant outside, trying to sweet talk people into dining at their restaurant. This one saw me crossing the street, and started waving his arms and dancing. I laughed and he hugged me like he knew me forever. We joked around for a few minutes, I introduced my family to him, he told me he loved my smile and I made his day. We actually kept walking soon after, and came back to have lunch there. And I noticed, while inside, he didn't laugh/dance/or joke with anyone else. I was glad I was able to brighten his day for a few minutes.

Later yesterday, we went into the the Info Center at Times Square. Before I could even get in the door, the lady who takes pictures with interesting backdrops wanted me to pose for her for free. She told me that with a smile like mine, I should be on a billboard. I joked and told her that the idea is not to frighten the New Yorkers each day with my face! She said, "No, I'm being serious! You are too cute all bundled up, and it would be a great change around here with that smile!"

It just goes to show, the old smiling face and a twinkle in the eye is still noticeable, even after the world has become very jaded.

Creative high

I've been on a creative high the last two days. We use Job Aids when we are facilitating workshops, and I've been designing them like crazy. It's fun to take a learning concept and design a visual to help teach it.

I've also started making my first pair of socks. I'm bored already. I like learning the pattern, but after I master that I don't want to do it anymore. It becomes very tedious to continue hundreds of rows of something. I'd have to be naked if I was in the olden days, as I wouldn't be able to knit my clothes fast enough!

Oprah aspirations...

I had more thoughts today on the book I want to write. It's about self-awareness, but not the hoity-toity philosophy stuff that brings a lot of theory - it's action packed with exercises to do to get to self-awareness.

I define self-awareness as understanding your impact on other people. And how behavior, expectations, feelings, thoughts, and actions on those can propel others into action, or work against you. Then the punch, is that your impact is a choice.

After I write the book and go on Oprah, I'm running for president. I think an OD Consultant who is an ENFP can do a lot of good in the world.

Oh well - off to teach a course in Group Dynamics with an intact team! Wish me luck!

updates for the day..

I did another observation today at one of the clinical offices. I'm glad to see that the customer service expectations are paying off from the class I did the other day, but that's not really why I'm there. I'm officially there to observe the manager, and see if she is effective or not. But she doesn't know that. She was told that I was there to just observe the dynamics of the team.

I saw some of it yesterday, as she was acting parental, but I didn't see it today. Today they were fully staffed. I want to be able to ask the girls (gosh, they have me calling them that)how effective she is as a manager, but I haven't been able to. Hopefully soon!

Tonight I get to do some beer tasting with a friend, so I'm really looking forward to that! Cheers!

intelligent eyes

I had forgotten what it's like to hang out in downtown Baltimore at the local watering holes. Saturday, I met my friend Joel at Gecko's, and while waiting for him to arrive, I was approached. It was the typical, "I'm not trying to hit on you, I just thought you looked bored, so I'll chat." How I looked bored when I was engrossed in the football game, I'll never know. I mentioned that my friend was coming soon, and he seemed to be a little insulted. But, it wasn't a line, my friend was on his way in a cab to meet me.

After he sat down, I guess I gave him too much eye contact, because his first comment to me was that I have really intelligent eyes. I don't know what I was doing, or what my eyes were saying, but I can tell that he was startled by that. He asked me what I did for a living, and I told him. He proceeded to dump his entire story on me of when he used to own a car shop in New Mexico a few years ago. I guess my Active Listening skills paid off, because he kept interrupting himself to tell me how my eyes keep telling him how intelligent I am, and how I really "get him" and "understand him".

He then told me that he is willing to pay me to keep listening to him on a regular basis, because he really needs the help. Again, I really haven't said anything to him yet. I told him that I'm not qualified to help him, as I'm still in grad school, and wouldn't be able to assist. He kept commenting on my eyes, and then I think he got intimidated and embarrassed that he shared so much with a stranger. He excused himself from the conversation, and wandered down the bar to talk to other people.

Joel came in soon after, and we had a great time eating dinner, catching up, and then hanging out at the Club Charles. I always have fun with Joel, as he takes me places that I've never been before, and there's always interesting characters there! hehe :)

Friday night I got my haircut, and my hairstylist put a few extra layers in to give it va va voom! Yes, she actually wolf whistled. The other stylist started laughing, and asked if she was trying to give an impression of her boyfriend. At that point, Annie (my stylist) had to explain about her boyfriend. He apparently has Turrets, and his "thing" is that he beeps and whistles... especially when he gets excited. I felt horrible for laughing, but my mind jumped to all sorts of things on that note! hehe He apparently likes to "sneak up on her", and well, he can't! He'll stand behind her beeping and whistling, trying to be sneaky, and it just doesn't work! hehe So cute!

Yesterday I pre-bowled, got some shopping in and started knitting a pair of socks. I've never made socks before, so this is an adventure in itself!

lost thoughts...

I thought of something to write about in my blog, and I remember saying to myself at the time - I need to write about that! - but now I can't remember it... I'm sure it'll come back to me.

My cohort has been planning our trip to Bethel in April, and we found a beautiful mansion to stay at. It sleeps 26 people, 3 floors, and a 20 person theatre in it! With splitting the costs, it'll only come to about $400 a person for the week. WOOO HOOO! I get to be fancy for a week. Now I just need to nail down flight reservations. I don't normally make them this early, but the "J's" in the group are ready to book, so we have to get on the band wagon with them or lose out!

I'm going to start writing my paper this weekend, I'm just going to start writing and see what happens. It has to be about the moment I found out a pattern about myself, and I have so many! Living in a self-aware world does that to you. It's too easy to go through the motions on the surface, but looking deep really sucks you in.

Amy is brought to you by the letter A and the number 13.

It seems like everything I've been talking about and planning for work, is happening this week. Yesterday I finally did a workshop for one of our physician sites, and today I did technical training in the morning for the website I designed. Apparently my website is getting a lot of attention, as it's the only one on the intranet that has usable information. LOL

I actually won twice at Bingo last night, both time during special games, so I got some extra money out of the deal! Yay! I'm putting it toward the Christmas party fund. Mom and I decided to rent our community center to have our Christmas party this year, as we didn't have a summer party, and there isn't room inside our house for all the family and friends. I'm in charge of decorations, so I can't wait to spruce the center up and make it festive! I also get to do the invitations, which will be going out after Thanksgiving. I love planning parties!

I've also begun making another scarf... I need time to process my thoughts for school, and it's helpful to be working on that while thinking. I'm doing blocks in brown and green, and each block is a different stitch. Instead of connecting them, I'm making it one continuing piece.

It looks like I'll be staying in a huge mansion when we go to Bethel for class. We are renting the place out, and with 8 bedrooms, it's going to be fun! hehe :) I can't wait to get away for that week. It'll be very intense while we are there, as we will be doing a lot of work on ourselves, but it is a great opportunity! :)

Hapy Tuesday!

Yesterday I facilitated a managers retreat and it was awesome! The energy in the room was amazing, and when the president and CEO of our company walked into the room, the applause of the crowd was invigorating!

We had been planning for him to speak, but no one knew he was coming (it was a surprise), and the group that always feels like the step-child, really felt like they belonged to the larger organization. It was an awesome feeling.

It seems like things that I have been working on for awhile are all happening this week, and then I'll be back to my quiet office existence for a few weeks. I'm in and out of the office, and it also feels like I'm starting to get a cold. I'm going to stop at the drug store on my way to the customer service workshop today and get some zinc.

Yay TEAM! :)

Welcome Back Amy!

WOW.

This weekend flew by and I have no idea where it went!

After class on Friday I had plans to have dinner with my buddy from the T-group I met. For those following along, my buddy ended up being the asshole I mentioned before, who can't see the world past his own nose. He appears to be going through a midlife crisis, and thinks I'm his therapist. The relationship is supposed to be supportive on both sides, so I'm interested in seeing where this heads during the next couple of meetings.

He's the type of person that gets very intense, lots of eye contact, and I felt that I was really connecting with him. Then he leaned back in his chair and told me he'd have his personal assistant put me on his schedule each week. Ummmm.... ass. He didn't even notice that I shut down right after that. But I did make him feel awkward when walking to the car, because I completely ignored him, and left him standing between our cars trying to figure out what to say next. If he wanted to be business like, then he was going to get business like from me. I think people need to put him back on his heels more often. The conversation was stimulating, as he's devoutly Catholic and is now dealing with the idea that his wife no longer loves him, he has a miserable marriage, hasn't had sex in over a year, and everyone tells him to get divorced, but that's against religious law. He's now dealing with the fact that he's having lustful thoughts about other women. Besides all of that, he has a superiority complex, a fixation on money and the things it can buy, and his public image. I'm really waiting for the real him to "show up" because I still believe that no one can possibly be as unaware as he is. It's all an act, his suit of armor to protect himself from something. Despite all of this, dinner was really yummy, and I had some great sangria!

On Saturday night, about 20 people went out to celebrate the November birthdays to a really neat Indian restaurant in DC. The food was slightly more spicy then what I'm used to, and made differently than what I normally see, but it was incredibly tasty! One of my classmates got drunk on caffeine and started telling me war stories. TOO FUNNY! (She was a Major in the army before retiring.)

Sunday I met a new friend after class for dinner, and had a really good time. I love conversation that really works, and feels natural. Hopefully we'll get to know each other better as the days come.

Class was intense. We studied most of the great psychology minds and started doing exercises to reflect inward to see what kind of crap we each carry around with us. FUN! But we did get to color and draw pictures for awhile while reviewing Freud, so that was entertaining!

I stayed at the Omni Shoreham, which is a very "old world lavish" hotel that holds a lot of the inauguration balls in DC. I had a view of the park, and since I registered for their loyalty program, I had free Internet, drinks in the morning, and a newspaper. I would suggest the hot chocolate each morning - it comes with it's own homemade marshmallows! YUM!

So.... I got back to work today... and boy has it been a whirlwind:

- Prepping for a manager's retreat tomorrow
- Permission to attend the MBTI certification
- Making reservations for that, even though they snuck me into the last available slot over the phone so I wouldn't miss out on the deeply discounted price
- Making priceline reservations for that
- Getting to use the laminiator in the office - FUN FUN!
- Rescheduling my gyn appointment to a better time in the month
- Supervising the AVP making cookie center pieces for the manager's meeting tomorrow
- Listening and advising on all of the drama because one of my coworkers had a woman show up to class slurring her words and being disruptive. (My boss ended up driving this woman home after speaking to employee health. She apparently changed her psychiatric medicine.)
- Emailing back and forth with my cohort about our trip to Bethel in April and where we are staying and who is flying out when...
- Doing my expense report
- Updating system documentation
- And now trying to figure out where to go get supplies for the icebreaker I'm doing tomorrow...

Plus I have to bowl tonight! Hopefully I can have an awesome showing after my 171 from last week!

Oh... and Msgr. Zorbach passed away this weekend, so I'll be going to the wake for that tomorrow night.

BUSY!

Class tomorrow!

I have one more thing to get through this afternoon - I'm facilitating an action planning session in financial services - and then I'm free to get ready for my second class tomorrow.

This class is called The Individual and the Organization. It's about all the stuff we carry around inside of us, and how that impacts our effect on an organization or group of people. The readings for this class have been really interesting, as I'm learning more about Freud, Jung, and Ellis... as well as how to become more self-aware physically, mentally, and spiritually.

I do believe that I'm in sharp contact with my mental and spiritual self, it's my physical self that I don't pay attention to. It's interesting to me, as on my MBTI, I'm labeled a "feeler", but I don't really pay attention to my own feelings or what is physically happening inside of me during the day. I block all of that down and rationalize it with my mind.

According to what I read about Ellis, I seem to have a very healthy attitude. I don't let the data that I receive get me down, or create an "awful generalization" out of it. My thoughts tend to process it into a positive, which helps me redirect my feelings about a subject from negative to positive as well. The mind is a powerful thing... but I'm looking forward to learning more about my "core of rot!"

Some things just crack me up...

see more puppies

Rock the Vote!

I went this morning to vote, and there wasn't a long line, and the flow of traffic was great. They had about 12 machines open, and everyone was in and out very quickly.

Everyone keeps saying how this is going to be a landmark election, and I think I have to agree. I always think of voting as choosing the lesser of 2 evils, but I want to see what happens to the American people. I think there will be a huge uproar if Obama doesn't get in, and I think there will be a huge uproar if Palin gets in as VP. She's a flake. That's my political rant - again, I'm not one to talk politics.

Last night we had a bowling meeting with our old team, and out of the kindness of their heart, they gave each team money. Based on our standings, we got $28 a person. That at least pays for my missing sanction money. AMF still claims that they are not at fault, which I think is a bunch of huey. Someone asked what they were doing going forward to make sure that this doesn't happen again, and they really couldn't give a good answer. They said it was up to each league to vote in their President and Vice President, and choose what they want to do with the money - if the Bowling Alley keeps it, or if the officers keep it. I would think that the national bowling association would step in, and re-write the rule, saying that the money has to stay at the bowling alley, that all leagues need to be ran by the bowling alley so they have authorization on who gives out the money, and not leave it up to the officers. This is a rarity, but obviously there are flaws in the system if this is allowed to continue to happen!

I went bowling at my regular league afterwards and I had the best game ever - 171! WOOOO HOOOO! I need to keep that up! I think it's because I didn't go home after work. I went directly to the first bowling alley, then to the 2nd. When I go home I get tired. I was also fluffing my Aurora, keeping positive vibes around me. It worked!

Physician Heal Thyself

The old adage that people go into psychology or medicine to understand/heal those around them or themselves is pretty much true, or at least in my case.

As I went through my T-group experience, and have been doing my readings for my upcoming class this weekend, I'm starting to piece together the puzzle that is "me".

I seem to have revelations while in the bathroom, and while in the tub on Thursday night shaving my legs, I seemed to put it all together.

Here's one theory of Amy; I'm sure there are many more:

I learned in T-group that I became an adult very quickly in my childhood through family circumstances. And when I should have been protected emotionally from some of the stuff I had to deal with, I wasn't. (Maybe this is why I'm attracted to alpha males, I feel they are strong enough to protect me, so for once I don't have to protect someone else.) I was always told to be a little lady, and wasn't allowed to act out or act pretty much in any other way then a small adult. I played, but it was during certain times, and I was expected to be mature all other times.

Part of being an adult, or so I was taught, meant not showing emotion, and having to deal with unpleasant things by disassociating from the emotional aspect of it. Adults do what they have to do, even when they don't want to. I became very responsible, and the "rock" that everyone in my family counts on to make sure things got done. I learned how to be very calm and rational, as someone had to be, and use logic to solve the problems.

My grandmother taught me the habit of eating. We ate when we were happy, we ate when we were sad, and we ate when anything really happened. I remember coming home from school, and she would make me something to eat because "this will make you feel better". Therefore, I'm an emotional eater.

Putting all of that together, here's my self diagnosis:

Because I didn't have an emotional shield when I was a child, I built my own physical armour out of weight by stuffing down my emotions with food.

So what does that look like? Well, I'm not a big eater, I eat what anyone else "normal sized" eats, and I don't sneak food. A typical day of eating for me is - a packet of instant oatmeal for breakfast, 10:30am I have a healthy granola bar, 12:30pm a Lean Cuisine and some fruit, 3:30pm another piece of fruit, and dinner around 7:30pm of 2 veggies and a lean piece of meat.

When does the emotional eating happen? Well, let's say I get fired up at work about something. Usually I'm bitching about it out loud in the car, talking to myself all the way home. I march into the house, into the kitchen and grab too cookies and stuff them down. At that point, the sugar kicks in, and I feel fine, all of my anger is gone. If I'm happy, I do the same thing, and have celebration cookies. If it's not the end of the day, and I'm stressed or anxious about a project, I'm on the prowl for chocolate at the vending machines at work. If I have to give feedback to someone that isn't going to be pleasant, I'm looking for a snack. In meetings, where it isn't polite to eat, and it becomes stressful, I start chugging my water bottle.

Anytime I feel like I have to be the "bigger person" and handle myself "appropriately", I stuff something in my mouth to hold the emotion in and not let it out.

How do I change this habit?

Well, the first step is recognizing that I have a problem. Which I just did. The next small step is to replace the bad food with good stuff (water) while I work on handling my emotions and recognizing them. Sometimes I don't even know I feel something, I'm so used to controlling it. I control it by rationalizing the other person's behavior and saying that they have no idea what their impact is - they aren't thinking before they speak. However, my reactions are my own, not someone else's fault - I'm well aware of that. I'm going to start labeling my emotions when I feel them, to recognize them and bring them into awareness. My "core of rot" as Seashore calls it, or the "shadow" of me, as Jung calls it, needs to be recognized for what it is.

More things to ponder ....

Happy Halloween!

I worked one of the Benefit Fairs this morning down in White Oak... very interesting with the pushy Kaiser lady. She kept intercepting the BlueCross customers and telling them they needed to switch to Kaiser right away. It got to the point that the rest of the vendors and I kept snickering about her, making faces whenever she'd start up again. CRAZY! That's just so unprofessional!

I'm excited tonight for Halloween. I'm going to be a pirate, a costume I haven't worn in a few years. I like it because I get to wear my knee high boots and a short skirt - I've got some nice legs to show off! hehe (No one else is tooting my horn, so I have to do it myself!) My chariot is picking me up at 6:30pm, and it's name is Godzilla. I'll just let that marinate for awhile, as this is going to be one hell of a ride!

After the gym in the morning (if I make it out of bed) I'll be baking cupcakes, getting ready for the first Fall Bonfire at Ryan's step-dad's river property. Good times shall be had by all!!

Let the weekend begin!

Hoot and Clowns

I love my new NTL friends from my workshop last week. Shirley sent out pictures that she took over the week, and some group shots of the T-groups. The standing joke that we (I guess you had to be there) thought was so funny, was when my Buddy (with a capital B) Anthony, was telling me about his wild college days from across the bar... it went something like this:

Anthony: "That's right, Amy. I am a rebel. I can sing Sinatra, drink brandy, smoke cigars, and give a guy a clowning when he needs one."

Amy: "A clowning?"

Anthony: "That's right, in the nose, he'll look like Bozo the Clown."

Amy: "Wow, that's impressive."

Anthony: "Yes, you would be impressed."

Stu, Jon, and Dan exchange funny looks.

Dan: "So, Amy, when are you guys going to Bethel for your session?"

Amy: "I think April and I are going in March or April for it."

Dan: "You have to go to Suds, for the "Hoot"!

Amy: "The hoop?"

Dan: "No, the "HOOT".

April: "What's a Hoot?"

Dan: "It's when the locals, living on their cultural island, come to the local bar for open mic night - it's highly entertaining!"

Amy: "Do I get to Hoot if I want?"

Anthony: "I can Hoot, Amy, I learned the fine art of it back in the day."

Amy: "This I have to hear!"

Anthony: "No,no, I don't want to waste it here. And, I have to head home now."

Exit Anthony.

Stu, Jon, and Dan: "Did he say "clown" someone?"

LP: "Yes, he did"

Chris: "WTF!"

Amy, Jon, Stu, Dan, LP, and April burst into a fit of giggles! Thus the NTL Terminology Handbook began.

So, back to Shirley's pictures.. Stu took the one group shot, and put clown noses on everyone, and a reindeer next to Stephen, because he was hit on by a Buck out on the property. Apparently, if you like something you see, it's perfectly acceptable to stomp your foot at it aggressively.

Halloween Costume

I thought I had a Halloween Costume, but then I thought about it some more, and came up with another idea.

My original idea was to be a pirate, as I have the outfit from a few years ago when I wore it. It's a red and black stripe skirt, a white blouse, and a black vest, complete with a scarf and sword. I was going to wear my knee-high boots with it as well.

But then I was thinking that I could be a personal trainer, and wear my workout clothes. Including my bike shorts, sports bra and tshirt, sneakers, towel, water bottle and sweat bands.

Costume number 2, the trainer, would be much more comfortable. And Heather is going to be a pirate wench too, although her costume looks different than mine.

More pondering needs to be done...

insulted motivation

Last night I was on okcupid reading public journals, and I stumbled upon a post made by a young male in the army which really pissed me off, but I didn't comment on it at the time.

After a 4 paragraph bunch of nonsense, he finally stumbled on to his thesis: if you are obese, you are unmotivated, undedicated, and unhealthy - all the things that are bad about a person. Then he goes on to ask the question, "who wants to date an unmotivated, undedicated, unhealthy person?" At that point he went on to how important it is to be attractive to other people, and it's our duty to our partner to constantly maintain a state of attraction.

Talk about jumping right to the top of his Ladder of Inference. I get the general gist of his argument, but to be lumped into those three things seemed to be unfair. I don't think anyone would ever use the words "unmotivated, undedicated, and unhealthy" to describe me, and I'm obese. I'm sorry, but part of my job doesn't require me to run 5 miles in full combat gear every morning. Because I am so motivated and dedicated to achieve my goals, I don't always have time to focus on the weight loss one. I do try to get to the gym 3-4 times a week, and when I'm there I'm there pushing myself. And, according to my doctor (knock on wood) I am healthy!

Some people just don't get it....

Back to the grind

What a boring weekend! I worked on finishing my paper all day on Saturday, as the rain poured from the heavens, then got out of the house for a bit on Sunday after emailing my paper off! It's great to have that weight off my shoulders!

I heard from 2 T-group members already - Travis and Stu. Stu sent the most adorable picture of his daughter on the couch with him. Travis is now a facebook buddy of mine, so we update off and on.

I walked back into work this morning with over 100 important emails, and a bunch of not so important ones. Apparently my boss played the "Amy's not here so let's assign her everything" game. My coworkers don't remember that meeting going that way, but that's what the minutes came out as. Lovely.

But - SHE is on vacation all week, so I can get a lot of work done - woooo hoooo! :)

Bowling is tonight, so I'm looking forward to hitting some pins down - gooooooooooooo TEAM! :)

what an amazing week

I was skeptical of this whole T-Group thing, as everyone who described it to me was incredibly cryptic and mystic about it. But I'll tell the truth - you learn some leadership helpers (things like Johari Window, EI, Ladder of Inference, Conflict Pinch Points, and others) and then you get into your T-Group and talk about what's holding you back. Your block or stick point.

The group's job is to give feedback, based on the behaviors they see from you in the group, for the short time the group has been together. For instance, someone may say, "I'm lazy." (just making things up here to illustrate the point) To which everyone gives feedback helping to share if they see that in you, or if there is something else that they see.

However, seems easy enough, but everyone has a story. And the story needs to come out and be heard by strangers (it's easier that way) in order for people to get past their block point. In order for me to get past my block point. That's a new thing too I learned. People tend to speak in generalities, "you know... as people we...." instead of saying "I know... I feel..." Take ownership of the statement.

I was able to share my story, I did sob during it, but I was able to let it go afterward. I feel different, and people have commented that I look different. My story involved my childhood, my adulthood, and what that means for me at work. I feel at peace now. Which is a good thing.

This experience that I was apart of brought together 22 people who never met before (except for April and I) who walked away with a greater bond then most people have ever formed with their own families. I don't share like that with my friends, or my family.

What I learned, is that I need to create a shield for myself. Not to hide behind, and that is different than having armor. I wasn't protected as a child, and at an early age felt a strong sense to protect everyone else. The first part of the story I shared was about my first memory of feeling an overwhelming need to take care of someone. I was 4 years old, and went to my first ballet class. I was so excited to be there, because I got an awesome new pink outfit, and really cool ballet shoes. I wasn't a child who suffered from separation anxiety, and liked opportunities to show my independence. However, a few of the other little girls in the class weren't that type. I remember trying to dance, and a whole set of the little girls started crying uncontrollably. I started crying too, because I felt so bad that they felt so sad and so alone. So I stopped dancing, and went and sat next to one of the little girls, held her hand, and cried with her so she didn't have to feel like she was alone, since her mom wasn't there.

But, in my quest to protect everyone, I open myself to unruly hurt, and not ever really getting my needs met. So I need to shield myself from that, and start serving myself.

haikus

So I mentioned this morning that I had some emotion rolling through me that I had to deal with. Now, reflecting back, I've written some haiku's about it...

assumptions in me
offered incorrectly now
block feeling and growth

------------------------------------

why is it so hard
to find my role with you here
this causes me pain

------------------------------------

happiness heals me
fake happiness denies me
living genuinely

------------------------------------

crying is not me
emotion is part of me
feeling hurts sometimes

------------------------------------

i care when you don't
does that make me foolish now
why can't we connect?

------------------------------------

what fault did you find
my mind is playing again
why am i stuck now?

------------------------------------

your distance hurts me
even perceived as a felony
it's not me, it's you

HI Day 2 and 3

I actually gave the feedback that I wanted to give to the one guy I mentioned the other day, and I think we've established a working relationship because of it. He's now my T-group Buddy, as he asked me to help him through this transition during our private discussion.

Tonight we had "off", so I went out with the group to dinner in Silver Spring. I didn't realize that area of Silver Spring even was there - new place to shop around the holidays! It also fulfilled my need to mingle with people, and make a more personal connection. I sat at the "guy" end of the table, and we had some very insightful conversation. I don't know, I just like to connect and make friends, and have conversation... and I was able to do that.

Tomorrow, I think I'll start talking about my needs in the group. I didn't have a good morning, and actually cried a little before getting in the shower. I'm not sure what that was about, but I had some realizations about relationships that I've been involved in, and my role in that. Or lack of role in that. But.. it'll all work itself out.

1st night of HI Lab

The first night of the Human Interaction (HI) lab was tonight, which has been really interesting. I got my first taste of what a T-group is, and it's different. The closet thing I can link it to is group therapy. There isn't an agenda, there isn't a structure, we are just here to sit in a circle and talk about what hinders/helps when working with people.

I'm struggling. They are all managers, and are having team dynamic problems, and problems of perception. My job, as an OD consultant, is to help facilitate that change in perception by working through the client. I want to OD them, and I can't. I'm here to work on me.

I'm trying to formulate what I want to work on about myself, and I haven't found the words yet, but they will come to me. But the general idea is around the fact that I cry when I'm angry, especially when confronted by an authority figure. I think it stems from feeling helpless in the situation, and that I'm being reprimanded for something that I don't have control over. My crying episodes have been around that when they are work related... I'm being held accountable for something I have no right being accountable for, or not involved in, and they are unwilling to bend and see the light. I just have to sit there and take it. This has happened twice to me.

I'm entirely open to feedback, and if it is something I have influence over, and can control, I'll act on it. But when it's out of my hands, I get emotional.

I wanted to give feedback to one guy in the session already - he's a pompous ass. I wanted to tell him that I'm here to work on my issues, because if I had to work for someone like you, you'd make me cry every day - and that's my issue. So I'm happy you are in the session, I'll be able to try out these skills often, but on the same level, I wanted to rip him one. By his own admission, he's the type that if something is going wrong, he uses intimidation, blame, and other aggressive tactics to make someone "feel" horrible so that they can get it right.

Off to sleep, before spending 7am-9pm in my day 2 session!

Fun time for a Friday

I was a little discombobulated this morning... first getting to work in time for the staff meeting, then running off to HHC to another meeting. I'm now using a borrowed cube at HHC to finish my work day, after a few more meetings.

It's been hard for me to focus on work this week, as I really don't have a lot of heavy hitting stuff to do. But I think that balances me out from last month when I was pulling my hair out trying to get the website up and running.

I discovered a new tool, Google Notebook, which I used yesterday when I was researching my final paper for class. It's a window I can toggle in and out of to copy things into... which saves and follows you to any internet connection. Pretty nifty.

I also found a MP3 website that allows you to download the rosary. October (and May) is the month of Mary, and I haven't prayed it in a long while. I figured it would be a good thing to listen to/pray while riding my bike at the gym. I tried it out last night and it worked well. I haven't had a full prayer life in a while... I normally say my prayers in the morning and night, and when I need to give thanks, but I haven't been involved in formal prayer, except for Mass on Sundays. When I add formal prayer to my daily routine, I seem to open myself to more spiritual/emotional things that happen that I don't seem to notice as often when I'm not. It'll be an interesting journey!

Dreams

So my friend and I have been talking about dreams, and how I don't necessarily remember mine. His suggestion was to start keeping a piece of paper by my bed, and write down what I remember when I wake up.

I think I'm more prone to remember my dreams if I wake during the dream. This morning seemed to be 2 dreams mixed into one...

I went with my coworkers to check out a new building that MSH was buying and our new office was going to be there. We were trying to understand where our space would be, as most of the walls needed to be converted into the plans. The builder was there, and he was explaining how this huge room used to be the bar/lodge area for the old group, and it was going to be demolished. I explained that actually this area would be perfect for our two training rooms, one large and small, and he and I started talking about the plans for that.

Well, before we could move in, or start the reconfiguring of the rooms, there was one or two people still living in the back of the room, in a separate section. I walked back there to see, and I got sucked into that dream, which changed.

In this dream I was in a small home (which was attached to the other room), laying on the couch because I was really tired. I lived with a guy friend, and he was pissing me off because he brought home this woman last night, and they were making all of this noise on the sofa (not sexual noises, just being goofy). Plus she was really really young, and just wanted him for his money. I hit him, because he was trying to tickle me and pull me into their fun, and I wanted to be left alone. I just remember pulling the heavy blankets farther over my head, and wondering why he was so stupid to fall for her. I got tired of laying there, and went in my room to get my stuff together to take a shower. I remember walking into my room and being pissed because there was stuff everywhere, and I hardly had any room to move, and had no idea where my stuff was. She apparently "arranged" things to better meet her needs, because he told her I wouldn't mind. He followed me into my room, wanting to know what was wrong, and I told him that I was tired of being the third wheel, and just wanted to go home. At that point, she got up to leave, but told him that for her 18th birthday, she'd really like Christmas tree shaped diamond earrings. I looked at him and said, "Seriously?" Then I woke up.

Oh well.... I wonder what will happen tonight! hehe :)

Online dating observations

Okay, I learned all about the Ladder of Inference this weekend, and making assumptions about people. So I'm trying to apply what I learn to my every day life and not be judgemental. That's the wrong word. I'm trying to not jump to assumptions on the data that I witness.

But right now, I'm pissed.

So, there I was, with a song stuck in my head, and I decided to blog it on the dating website I belong to. The song, just so happened to be "Sexy Back" - ie "I'm bringing sexy back". Well, some ass felt the need to inform me, within about 2 mins of posting, that based on my weight, he advises me not to bring sexy back. Then some nitwit woman, thought that was incredibly funny - and they proceeded to have an argument on my blog. He told her that she needed to get a comb for her hair, and then it suddenly wasn't funny anymore to her. I deleted the post, as frankly, drama is not for me.

Because I'm a lady, I'm not going to rip that arsehole a new one, because believe me, I can. He has not put a chink in my armor, because I don't define myself by some man's point of view, or any other person really. Actually, I find the whole thing kinda funny. But what I'm pissed about is two things:

1. People who are so stupid to believe that fat people don't know they are fat - so therefore it is their right to point it out. Hello, I have a mirror. And they do so in the 6 year old Beavis and Butthead way.

2. We are on a dating website, where one would think everyone is there to meet people and have fun, and you have a bunch of fools lurking, trying to boost their own self-confidence by "attempting" to make someone else feel bad.

GROW UP PEOPLE!

So apparently, I attract two types of men online - based on my experience: A. Those that just want to f*ck me, and B. Those that feel so bad about themselves, that they have to attempt to put me down to feel like a man.

And you know what - "B" is doing that publicly in front of everyone via the public journal - so that's not making him look too tempting to other women. "Ohhh he's putting another woman down - please date me! Right away, I want to marry you!" Shooting yourself in your own foot is never healthy.

Have you read my profile? Please point out where in it that says I'd be interested in either of those things?

Bringing Sexy Back

I've officially decided - I am going to take it upon myself to bring sexy back.

Things have gotten out of hand, and true sexiness of a woman has been replaced by the blow-up doll version of reality.

Curves are okay... they are supposed to be there. Don't let your mind get warped by the ironing board!

more to ponder

I moved my seat back down into a lower position today. For me, changing my physical location seems to change my perception. Actually, the seat was moved up when I hurt my back, and now that I'm better, I moved it back down to a more comfortable location.

So, what did I learn today. Well, I almost had a fit when I saw my new syllabus for my next class. More reading than before, and 3 papers - 1 with a presentation if I want an A. She is also so creative as to call that paper "The A Paper". She breaks the class into two categories, and describes what is needed for that grade level, and I'm assuming in a bit of wit, she came up with that name. It's something that I would do, but then again, in my experience you have to be careful with PhD and MD types... they like to be arrogant. This class is about dealing with personality in relationships, and more human interaction information, which I'm really looking forward to learning about.

My intern and I met with our client, and had a very frustrating time of it. We are asking to deliver something that she has no idea what the deliverables are to do. It's like being hired to teach something, and that's all you know - you're here to teach "something". You have no idea what the content is. And when you ask, you get very vague answers that don't connect to each other in any way. I had to get directive with her, and start hammering a structure, otherwise she'd be wasting our time. Especially since this is a huge system-wide initiative, which is going to be highly visible - I had to protect both of our asses. I'm not in the business to set my intern up to fail... what kind of leader would that make me?

I did the weigh-in today, and I'm still the same weight from 2 weeks ago - WOO HOOOO! That's good, as I really haven't had the time to go to the gym, with all of my nightly activities. I wanted to go sometime this weekend, as the hotel normally has a workout room, but I never got the opportunity. My jeans were falling off of me at bowling, so I had to do the "pull-up" dance before my approach down the alley... kinda amusing. We didn't win, again, but I think its a combo of a few things (if you've been reading my blog for awhile, you will notice that I have all of these theories, none of which include that I just suck at bowling... hehe!)- but anyway... 2 theories: 1 - we've been talking about a lot of serious stuff during our table time... which has to do with the nature of the table - it's much smaller, which can create an environment for intimate conversation, which distracts us when we go up to bowl, and 2 - our night changed to a Monday, and Monday's are just tiring days. We used to bowl on a Tuesday, which for some reason may have given us more energy.

During our bowling conversation we talked about a confusion I've been having, and last night I was able to get some clarity. I feel much better about the situation now; I like when roles are defined.

My first paper for the new class has to be on a life altering moment when you learned something about your personality.... having roles defined and knowing exactly what is expected (both professionally and in relationships) is huge for me. Now I just need to track back to where that all started, and write 6 pages on it... almost do a self-diagnosis. More to ponder....

endless possibilities

I think sometimes people are very quick to make snap-judgements about others without either knowing all the facts, or leaving themselves open to those judgements changing.

In class this weekend we spent a chunk of time on the Ladder of Inference. Actually, everyone uses the ladder every day, almost every second. It involves seeing a piece of observable data, and then moving all the way up the ladder to take an action based on an assumption. People start using inclusive language as they develop a belief based on the data... from that you get things like, "all blonds are dumb," or "women don't know what they want", based on your personal experience with just one or two, not the entire population.

I've always struggled with putting people in compartments and boxes, because relationships depend a lot on emotions - I can't compartmentalize. Emotions aren't absolutes, there is a strong possibility that I will run the gambit of emotions in every relationship I have. Also, as life happens, perceptions and values evolve. What I see in a potential mate today, is probably not going to be the same thing in the future. It's supposed to happen that way.

Thus why I get frustrated when people start making snap judgements about others and their place in their life. An example of this would be one person seeing someone who currently isn't physically attractive to them, and dismissing them as ever being a possibility. This person can be the perfect mate for them (in personality, by their own omission), but something so small as hair color or their body size, stands in the way of the happiness. Is one physical trait, that you can either buy or change, that important?

1 Class down!

Wow! "Who would've thunk it?" So after a possibility that never seemed would get here, my first class in MSOD is finished! WOOO HOO I have a final paper due in 2 weeks, but the topic is much more focused, so I don't anticipate as much stress/time as the last one.

I'm leaving the second week, before it's due, to go to my Human Interaction (HI) lab at the National Labor College, so I need to finish the paper this week. My classmate, April, is going to the HI lab with me, so we are going to be paper-buddies. This time we have to share our paper with someone, and show that we incorporated their feedback into the paper, and attach their feedback in the appendix. I actually have to do this with 2 people, so I'll be asking one of my coworkers. Luckily, 2 of them were high school teachers, one in English - a bit of an advantage, if I say so.

I went to dinner with my friend Brian on Friday, after class. Well, I should say, after Svenja and I finally found the hotel once we missed the turn. It was like old times! We both started the conversation with, "Ok, so we left prom... and then what happened to you?" Bri and I haven't seen each other in almost 11 years, as he went to my prom with a friend of mine. We've both matured, but he's still a hysterically funny sweetheart. We're going to make dinners a monthly event, which I'm looking forward to. It felt good to have that connection again.

Saturday night I went out with some of the women from class, and after fighting our way through Georgetown, we finally decided to leave the immediate area and go to Cafe Divan up Wisconsin. They had some of my favorite Mediterranean dishes - including hummus, olives, and pita. I think I could live off of hummus, pita, cheese, olives, and olive oil, with some great wine, for the rest of my life, if I had to. I like variety, so hopefully it won't happen that way, but I would if I could.

Both nights, after getting comfy in my hotel room, I fell into wonderful conversation with a new friend. I don't know what it is, but I feel such a great connection, and we have so much to say, that our phone calls/chats go into the early hours of the morning. We also share a lot of the same beliefs on various topics, especially around relationships and human interaction, and spirituality, that it's very refreshing to be around. I'm enjoying myself immensely! :)

1st day of class - 2nd weekend

Today was a much better start than the last session. The professors seemed to have an agreement on the lessons, and everything seems to be much more structured.

We talked about Ethics and Values, and how we have to be conscious of what happens when they are in conflict. As we go through the program farther, we'll be able to start figuring out what to do during the dilemma, but for now we just discussed.

After class I met up with my friend Brian for dinner, and I hadn't seen him since senior prom! lol it was great to catch up, as we don't get the full spectrum of contact on facebook. He works in DC, so it's really easy for us to grab dinner on the Fridays I'm here and catch up. He's still a sweetheart, and as funny as ever! I had a lot of fun!

I'm loving my hotel room... it's a king size tempur pedic bed, with a more up-to-date look and feel to the hotel. They don't have free wireless, but they do give you an awesome warm cookie when you check-in. Trade off? hmmmm... maybe.

Its nice to just sit and veg, I think I'm going to turn in early tonight and get a nice long sleep... I've been going to bed late at night, and getting up early to facilitate various things at work. Tomorrow is a longer day, with starting at 8:30am and going until 6pm, so I'll need all the rest I can get!

second weekend

The second weekend of my first class starts tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to heading away for the weekend for it! It's nice to just enjoy the quiet of a hotel room in a busy city and people watch. I almost wish that there was more free time built into the schedule, as it would be nice to find a shady spot and just take it all in sometimes.... especially before the weather gets too cold to really enjoy the outside!

Speaking of the class, I have to print out my 2 papers today, and also print my journal. I'll be printing out my blog, as that is the only journal I use. I added a view counter to the bottom of the page, just to track what kind of hits I'm getting. Apparently I have a few regulars (I don't know the information or who, just that the visitor was a repeat) and a lot of people visit for the first time. I think they either cruise in from the blogger website or link in from my dating profile on okcupid. It's nice to have readers :) I removed the link from the facebook page because I now have coworkers linked as friends, and some things I would rather not share at work. And, considering that they won't stop talking about facebook at work, I made a good decision.

I'm hoping this weekend will go much more smoothly than last class. Hopefully they will keep in mind what we need as students (structure) and be able to give that to us. I'm not a 'J' in my MBTI, but I can be when it comes to goals/accomplishments and getting a grade on something.

On another topic... I facilitated the Active Listening class today for the first time. My coworker (even though she's in GA, she's still my coworker!), Jordan, wrote a kick-ass course, so it was great presenting it today. One thing that struck me about the learning, is that people aren't proactive about determining what their role is in the conversation, before it starts... and doing that small thing really helps you to focus. I'm going to follow that advice, and start asking, "So I can be helpful, would you like me to just listen, give advice, or problem solve with you during the conversation?" It's about ownership people, take ownership! hehe

The countdown begins!

The countdown begins to my second weekend of class! WOOO HOOO! I finished my paper on Sunday night, but I still have to write the abstract, and finish my ethical challenges paper - all which will be done this evening. I also have to print out all my journal entries, as I have to show them in class. They won't be read, but they will be briefly viewed.

It is a BINGO night - so hopefully I'll be winning... as we celebrate the birthday of my Aunt Kass - Happy 60th! She's 6 months younger than my mother, but growing up my mom was able to convince Aunt Kass' children that Aunt Kass is older. (Just as an FYI, she's not my aunt, she's my cousin, but she's always been Aunt Kass to me!)

I literally fell off my chair today. I was zipping around to talk to my coworkers, and I guess I bent too far forward, as down I went, with the chair flying out from behind me! DARN THE WHEELS!

Expectations...

Well, on Friday, I spoke with Ryan about my list of expectations to see if they were anywhere near realistic for what I was looking for in a man and he showed up last night at the bowling alley with a picture of one for me.... Kermit the Frog.

In other news, I have an intern! He's in a MS program at Hopkins in Organizational Counseling, and as part of the program has to do intern work in an organization. The irony doesn't escape me that I'm mentoring an intern who happens to be in grad school, while I'm in grad school, for a similar degree. He's been tasked to design training for a system-wide mentoring program partnering with an inner city school in Baltimore, and my job is to oversee the process, provide guidance for him on how to design training, and work with him on the final presentation, while navigating the politics. He's also very good at getting me coffee... (JUST KIDDING!)

I'm still lovin' priceline! I went on there today to secure a room for December, and I landed a real chi-chi boutique hotel in Dupont Circle, 4 stars, for around $100 a night. My classmate booked earlier and was able to get it at $82, but $100 is still very good!!! I'm not sure if it's mainstream that grad students are staying in 4 star hotels, but I like a little pampering luxury every now and then... that's how I roll. ;)

6 Months in my year of 29

This month, on the 29th, marks my 6th month in the year of 29 - a celebration of my last year in my 20s. I noticed this when I happened to look up at my Pug calendar, and saw Count Pugula, Transylvanian Pug of Darkness looking down at me. (Yes, I have a calendar of Pugs dressed up... I'm easily entertained!)

I figured I'd do a status update on everything that has been happening so far:

1. I finally started grad school in September - which is wonderful. I love learning, so that fulfills my need exceptionally well. I'm trying to be proactive and get my work finished early; I'm breaking the pattern. My "part 2" of my class is this coming weekend, so I'll be back in DC again.

2. I've taken on a lot more OD responsibility at work, which I'm finding is where my passion is being fulfilled. I may complain about my problem client, but I can really see the transition in them, and I've gotten a lot of good feedback from the directors. I'm also partnering with my coworkers to begin work in a non-patient setting, so this should be another challenge that I'm undertaking.

3. I've been taking time for myself, and trying not to over-plan, or over-think things. It's been working, but I've had a few relapses, but it'll get better!

4. Bowling is going well - I have my own ball now, and being drilled specifically to my hand is a good thing. My score has increased drastically, with a 20 pin move on my average. It's good to get away and throw heavy objects, joke with my friends, and eat grilled cheese!

5. I've been dating, which is fun... and a learning experience all in itself. I've met some losers, and some winners... and one who just wanted to clean my house naked. Ummm.... yeah. Just so everyone is on the same page, I do not have sex by appointment.

6. I've lost 18lbs so far - and I'm still going to the gym and dieting. I'm trying hard to get below that 20lb mark, and I will get there!

Hmmm... I can't think of anymore right now, but that seems like a lot! I do believe my sparkle is back in my eye ;)

this is my concerned face --> :oP

I finally finished my paper! It's a moment of excitement as I feel a sense of accomplishment. Although, it's not exploring my original idea, I still think it's 1/2 way decent.

I found an interesting study that I wanted to include in my paper, but it only would work with my old thesis, not the one I currently used. The study was used to determine what happens to empathy when people join organizations. They tested a group of 1st year residents, and then gave them the same survey in their 3rd year. The level of personal empathy in them dropped considerably. The study concluded that the more educated you become, the less empathetic you are. (That was the abbreviated version of the study, it was actually long and involved in more scientific than what I described.) I was going to use this to try to explain why my problem children can't get along with their co-workers; as in the healing profession, the norm would be to assume a high level of empathy. Oh well, I'll save it for another paper.

The Confirmation program at my church kicked-off today after 9am Mass with a parent/child/teacher meeting. I called it when I said they would be quiet and shy, but on the 26th, when the parents aren't there, will be the true test of their behavior. Hopefully I won't have to pull my hair out this year... :) I am really patient, but they like a lot of negative attention... maybe my empathy is waning.. hehe

I also got a new phone today! WOO HOOO! It's a pink Venus, and I really like it. I already got to try out the text feature and a phone call this evening, so everything appears to be working well! WOO HOOO!

And my favorite purchase of the day... Glenda the Good Witch Book Plates! Too cute! :)

loving fall saturdays

After spending almost 24 straight hours up, as I didn't go to bed until 4am this morning, due to being lost in conversation with a pretty cool dude... I crawled out of bed around 7:30am to head to the Darlington Apple Festival.

Well, I guess I should take a step back and add that I decided that today was going to be about me. I was going to do what I wanted to do, and not worry about school, or any of my other obligations or projects.

With that said, I spent the early morning into afternoon in Darlington, enjoying the beautiful weather and a hot apple dumpling with a side of vanilla ice cream. We took the scenic route to Towson from Harford County, along winding and beautiful Harford Road. After a quick pit-stop lunch, we made it just in time for the Olympian Parade - ironically called the "Parade of Gold".

If anyone ever asks me, I will deny being there, as I am not a member of the "Phan" club, but there were two intriguing moments for me. The first is turning the corner from Burke onto York Rd, looking up the hill, and seeing two fire engines with ladders extended and our flag hung between them. It was huge! An awe inspiring sight! The second is when Phelps closed the parade, cleared the corner, and a wosh of energy from the audience rushed to the hummer. His face was priceless, as a look of fear crossed.

From there I recouped with a nap, before heading out to meet Mr. 4am himself for a quick bite and drinks. I forgot what a night out in Canton is like, as we witnessed a fight, overheard a lot of drama, and he got to see one man peeing on the wall! But overall it was an awesome time, and I'm glad I went. I love meeting new people, especially when they are quality.

Tomorrow I have a date with my research paper... how lame.

Can't wait for the weekend!

I went out with Stacey last night, and it was good to catch up with her, since I haven't seen her since March. She caught me up on the happenings among my ex's friends, and it was really good to see her again! She and I got along well, and I missed her. Hopefully there will be more happenings on the agenda!

Tonight I'm getting my haircut, and then more homework. I've been reading a little bit, or writing most every night, so I'm keeping up with everything... but class is next weekend! Time flies.

I'm going to see an old friend the Friday night of class for happy hour - I haven't seen him since high school, so it would be great to catch up. He works in DC, and apparently very close to where I am staying, so it's convenient.

Tomorrow I'm going to the Darlington Apple Festival, then the Olympian Parade in Towson. Not sure what I'm doing Saturday night, but hopefully I'll be meeting up with some friends.

Sunday is my first confirmation class, with the parents and students. That's always exciting as they hear my expectations, and they sit, very docile, through the whole thing. Then I have them soon after without adult supervision and all hell breaks out. Patience is a virtue!

Speaking of expectations, I've been thinking about what I would want from a significant other, if I had a wish list. Here's my list... if you know any available men that fit 90% of the description, send them my way:

1. At least a bachelor's degree or higher
2. Awesome sense of humor - at life and himself
3. Goal oriented and driven to succeed
4. Employed in a professional capacity
5. Has a moral sense - I don't mean that as "Christ-like" - I mean that as not out in the world doing harm to others to get a head, ethical
6. Open-minded to other view-points
7. Enjoys sports and culture, and likes going places and doing things
8. Likes to travel
9. Can be really sweet, but also not let me run over him, and give me hell when I need to hear it
10. Is mature enough to take to my work functions, but can still be playful
11. Doesn't mind that I'm involved in my catholic faith - as I'm not trying to convert anyone
12. Enjoys lots and lots of sex, and is willing to experiment (I know, TMI)
13. Values relationships with family and friends

.... we'll see.

shiny things

If there is any day that I could have stayed in bed and slept longer, today would have been it. I don't know what it is, but I've been staying up late listening to music, and chatting online, that I've been losing track of time. Maybe I just need the mental escape.

I heard back from my professor, and now I'm right on track with my thesis statement. I was talking to my coworker about it, and it's almost if they are forcing me to write as if I'm not in the business and I don't know anything. I can act dumb, I've been playing that role for years. Oh well, whatever I need to do to get it done!

There is so much going on this month. I always feel like I have to pick and choose, as there is never time for all the fun Fall events. Now with school, and most of my weekend time zapped for homework, it's even more strapped.

Here are few items I'm trying to work in: Darlington Apple Festival, Olympian Parade, CornMaze (no, I haven't picked a date yet), STOMP festival at Sugarloaf, my weekend at school, Halloween party, my first Confirmation class with the kids, my week long workshop away, a few Bonfires.... oh, and did I mention that I work a full time job? hehe

I bought myself the Serenity Bracelet the other day at Hallmark. For those longtime followers of my blog, this is the same gift that I got my confirmation candidate in April. I've done some research, and the abbreviated version that I learned in high school is not the full prayer. The bracelet has another verse, and reads:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.

The prayer goes on from there, in other versus, but that section is what really speaks to me - Living in the moment!

Speaking of jewelery, the Walters Art Gallery is hosting "Bedazzled: 5,000 years of Jewelry" starting in October too.... ohhhh shiny things!

Tuesday Tuesday

Today is moving at a much slower pace then yesterday, as everything is now finished for the website. I contacted IS and asked them to start moving it to production, so we'll see what happens! My fingers are crossed!

I just ordered a bunch of books for the paper I'm writing. I decided to order them, because I don't have time to get to DC to use the library before my class, and it's always good to begin building my library.

I've been emailing back and forth with one of my professors re: my thesis statement. I never knew that so many assumptions could be drawn from a few sentences. Where she thought I was going wasn't where I was going at all. I wrote her back last night and explained my perspective and some context of what I was trying to explore, and came up with a different thesis statement. I keep going back to the directions that were given out in class, which says that the paper is supposed to be on the "history of OD". I think we are just supposed to pick a topic and research it, but we need some sort of thesis. When I spoke with my professor in class, her comment was "good lord, woman, you have an entire theory and experiment!" I have to keep reminding myself that this is just a 3-5 page paper.

I really liked the example thesis that was given on the directions, but I know I'm not allowed to use that one. I reformed it, and used a bunch of synonyms so hopefully it'll be able to pass muster.

After all of this long winded-ness, I'm just basically trying to determine if Appreciative Inquiry would work with my problem child client, considering the culture is so foul.

You would think it would be that straightforward, but they are very perceptive to judgements, so even categorizing anything as working in a "negative" way (no, I would not use the word "foul" in a thesis) causes alarm and I'm warned against making sweeping generalizations. Contrary, I have all of this data from the surveys, and focus groups that I conducted which support my sweeping generalization that it's a toxic environment!

My fingers are crossed that this thesis will work.

Bowling last night wasn't that great for me. I don't know if it's because we had a different set of seats, I sat on the wrong side, or that I wore long pants, but I couldn't get into my groove. We normally sit on the lower level, next to the lane, I sit across from Heather, and I wear shorts. Maybe there is something programed in me that helps my muscle memory. Then, 1/2 way through the 2nd game, I forgot how to do my approach. I couldn't get my feet right, so there were lots of laughs as I practiced walking. I was over thinking it, and paying attention to my steps and not to my mark, which was just making everything wonky! JEEBUS!

I'm going back to the gym tonight after my hiatus due to my back. I'll be rinding my bike into the happy place - I miss my exercise! :)

Pictures and other things

I finally got around to uploading the pictures from the crab feast last night. They turned out okay, but I don't have many of them.

I heard from my professor with feedback and a grade from my first paper - A-! WOOO HOOO! I was expecting a low B, so I was glad to see that grade.

I'm still working on my research paper, and will be heading to the library sometime this week to find a book. Fun times are had by all at the library.

I've been working on our website all day at work - and it's driving me crazy. I hate these 11th hour changes. You've had almost a year to decide that you don't like the text on a page, why decide now that it "doesn't feel right" but can't pinpoint exactly what you don't like about it. I have to give IS the "ok" to move it from testing to production, and unfortunately it isn't that easy. The poor guy has to replicate every page, and we want it live by Wednesday. Now I'm sitting here waiting for them to come back from meetings, so I can give them the go ahead. My boss keeps complaining that when she goes to a page via a link, it's in the middle in she has to scroll up. Lady, if that's all you have to worry about, then you're doing good. IS is currently looking into that, but I think it's because of her display settings, as I don't have that problem.

Anyway - Bowling tonight! I get to chill with Ryan and company, it feels like it's been forever since I saw them.

Here's the pics:

OLQP Crab Feast 2008

Nights in Rodanthe

My Mom wanted to see this movie, as she's a big Nicholas Sparks fan, and she loves romances like this. I like chick-flicks too, but I hate the ones that are so sad and depress you. One really can't go wrong with Richard Gere, either.

But, like a trooper, Mom and I went this morning to see the movie, and it was worth it. I'm not usually someone who cries at movies. I don't have a heart of steel, but it normally takes a lot for me to cry at a movie.

Well... I cried, and cried, and cried, and cried. Actually the entire audience bawled for almost the last 30mins of the movie.

Be prepared... it's a tear-jerk-er!

paper writing

I slept in this morning and then got up to start working on my paper. The good thing about being an IT undergrad major is that I didn't have to write a lot of papers. Reports - yes, Papers - no.

My major this time around is in the school of public affairs, and it's considered a form of psychology, in the behavioral sciences field - those people love papers. So, not only do I have to write, but I have to write in the APA format - goodbye MLA!

I need 7-8 sources for a 3-5page paper... umm.. isn't that pushing it?

I'm a procrastinator by nature, and it's always worked for me. I do my best work under pressure, but because of the amount of research, I had to start early, in case I had to go to the campus library in DC. To keep myself distracted, I've played on Facebook, Myspace, and updated my profile on okcupid a few times.

This is for a good cause.. this is for a good cause... this is for a good cause. I keep telling myself that.

Priceline is the BOMB!

Yes, you read correctly, I just used "The BOMB" in a sentence.

Some ladies in my class and I were talking about where to stay when we are in DC once a month, as the Holiday Inn at Georgetown wasn't the best one we've seen.

Someone mentioned using Priceline, and she was staying at the big Hilton downtown for around $80. A few of us decided to give it a try witch much success! I'm actually at the Omni in November, which is absolutely beautiful, and at the Hilton when I'm there in October! 4 Stars baby, for only $82 a night!!

Fake, Nosey, and Petty

So, I had another meeting this morning with my problem client. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I have to put the next meeting on my calendar... BRB.

Anyway... WOW. I started by asking them to tell me what's working well within the team. They sat in silence, and some of them smirked. I quickly transitioned to what needs improvement - and when they were finished I had 3 flip-charts filled with stuff. I went back to what was working well, and their answer was that despite everything the patients get seen.

I knew I was in for a treat! I started working through the list of improvement with them, and it involves spending a lot of time defining terms so that everyone is on the same page. "Be Respectful" really doesn't tell someone how to act - as respect means a lot of different things, based on background/upbringing, etc. We talked about customer service, taking responsibility for tasks, and being accountable even when something doesn't work out in their favor.

The last piece, and 3 separate items on the list, was Fake, Nosey, and Petty. I grouped them together, asked for specifics, and then asked them what the work day would look like if Fake, Nosey, and Petty didn't show up.

It's pretty sad that I have to give a personal challenge to adults about twice my age, that if Fake, Nosey, and Petty show up to work for the rest of the week, they are to be sent home because there isn't a job for them in the office. Sigh.

Scent linked to memories

I was shampooing my hair this morning and I used shampoo that I got in Hawaii when I was last there with my ex (I haven't used it in a couple of months, as I've been using new stuff). It's amazing what a scent can do for the memories, as everything of that trip came back to me: walking on the beach, fun on the balcony, sailing, visiting, and just relaxing... wow! The power of memories!

Anyway, I've been reading my chapters to get ready for my next class in October, but I haven't even started writing my paper yet. I have to have 7-8 sources for a 3-5page paper (double spaced)... so this should be interesting!

My boss also mentioned that she is feeling out of the loop and wants to be over communicated to - so I've been sending her 8 paragraph detailed emails about what I do all day. I think it's overkill, she thinks it's 'helpful'. But whatever!

Anyway, more meeting prep to do... I'll write more later!