1st night of HI Lab

The first night of the Human Interaction (HI) lab was tonight, which has been really interesting. I got my first taste of what a T-group is, and it's different. The closet thing I can link it to is group therapy. There isn't an agenda, there isn't a structure, we are just here to sit in a circle and talk about what hinders/helps when working with people.

I'm struggling. They are all managers, and are having team dynamic problems, and problems of perception. My job, as an OD consultant, is to help facilitate that change in perception by working through the client. I want to OD them, and I can't. I'm here to work on me.

I'm trying to formulate what I want to work on about myself, and I haven't found the words yet, but they will come to me. But the general idea is around the fact that I cry when I'm angry, especially when confronted by an authority figure. I think it stems from feeling helpless in the situation, and that I'm being reprimanded for something that I don't have control over. My crying episodes have been around that when they are work related... I'm being held accountable for something I have no right being accountable for, or not involved in, and they are unwilling to bend and see the light. I just have to sit there and take it. This has happened twice to me.

I'm entirely open to feedback, and if it is something I have influence over, and can control, I'll act on it. But when it's out of my hands, I get emotional.

I wanted to give feedback to one guy in the session already - he's a pompous ass. I wanted to tell him that I'm here to work on my issues, because if I had to work for someone like you, you'd make me cry every day - and that's my issue. So I'm happy you are in the session, I'll be able to try out these skills often, but on the same level, I wanted to rip him one. By his own admission, he's the type that if something is going wrong, he uses intimidation, blame, and other aggressive tactics to make someone "feel" horrible so that they can get it right.

Off to sleep, before spending 7am-9pm in my day 2 session!