what an amazing week

I was skeptical of this whole T-Group thing, as everyone who described it to me was incredibly cryptic and mystic about it. But I'll tell the truth - you learn some leadership helpers (things like Johari Window, EI, Ladder of Inference, Conflict Pinch Points, and others) and then you get into your T-Group and talk about what's holding you back. Your block or stick point.

The group's job is to give feedback, based on the behaviors they see from you in the group, for the short time the group has been together. For instance, someone may say, "I'm lazy." (just making things up here to illustrate the point) To which everyone gives feedback helping to share if they see that in you, or if there is something else that they see.

However, seems easy enough, but everyone has a story. And the story needs to come out and be heard by strangers (it's easier that way) in order for people to get past their block point. In order for me to get past my block point. That's a new thing too I learned. People tend to speak in generalities, "you know... as people we...." instead of saying "I know... I feel..." Take ownership of the statement.

I was able to share my story, I did sob during it, but I was able to let it go afterward. I feel different, and people have commented that I look different. My story involved my childhood, my adulthood, and what that means for me at work. I feel at peace now. Which is a good thing.

This experience that I was apart of brought together 22 people who never met before (except for April and I) who walked away with a greater bond then most people have ever formed with their own families. I don't share like that with my friends, or my family.

What I learned, is that I need to create a shield for myself. Not to hide behind, and that is different than having armor. I wasn't protected as a child, and at an early age felt a strong sense to protect everyone else. The first part of the story I shared was about my first memory of feeling an overwhelming need to take care of someone. I was 4 years old, and went to my first ballet class. I was so excited to be there, because I got an awesome new pink outfit, and really cool ballet shoes. I wasn't a child who suffered from separation anxiety, and liked opportunities to show my independence. However, a few of the other little girls in the class weren't that type. I remember trying to dance, and a whole set of the little girls started crying uncontrollably. I started crying too, because I felt so bad that they felt so sad and so alone. So I stopped dancing, and went and sat next to one of the little girls, held her hand, and cried with her so she didn't have to feel like she was alone, since her mom wasn't there.

But, in my quest to protect everyone, I open myself to unruly hurt, and not ever really getting my needs met. So I need to shield myself from that, and start serving myself.