my magic wand

Sometimes I wish I had a magic wand. If I did, I'd use it to transport myself to a tropical island and work from there.

Speaking of islands, I watched LOST last night! It was the season ending, and it appears that the island is man-made... which just opens a whole new bag of bones. And, the viewer finally found out who was in the coffin... I can't wait for the next season to start!

I've been tracking my moods over the past two months, and I finally figured out how the progestin (norgestimate) has been affecting me, after almost two years of taking it. I never really paid attention before. I like the green and white pills, as that's when I find myself on a high and just want to love people and enjoy life and just hug everyone. The light blue pill and the dark blue pill are okay, but I find myself a little more moody on the dark blue pill - very introspective, and not very tolerant of annoyances.

I've noticed my blog changes with those moods as well... sometimes I'm very insightful on the blue pills, and then very light and airy on the green and white ones. The green ones are placebos, and the white ones are the lowest dose of progestin. It's interesting how hormones can affect the body! I just started taking my next cycle - so I'm giddy as a fish! hehehehe Unfortunately my body can't regularly cycle by itself, thus why I'm on the pills. So, with my magic wand, I'd fix that too.

My other thing I would "fix" is take all the qualities I like from my past interests and exes, and make them into one hot man! Some sex appeal from one, humor of another, knowing how to take care of a lady from a different one, great hands and wisdom from another, looks from all of them, intelligence and street smarts from a few, financial wisdom and agility from one, class and old world style from a couple, and strength from all of them. Sign me up! hehe

lovers...

I want a lover.

I think my audience of readers who like to still think I'm virginal and innocent just fell on the floor with a heart attack, but they'll live.

French, Italian, and Irish men are known for their skills, so maybe I should travel and find one. They can call me their darling as they whisper secrets in my ear.

As a co-worker said the other day, her friend knits because she isn't getting any... hmmmm....

I'm also taken up writing erotica again, but only in my head. I pulled up a few of my stories that are published on the website, and have been wondering how my maturity can contribute/change some of the story-lines. It was a long time ago when I wrote those. I have a few of the scenes that I would like to see played out on paper, but I'm still trying to figure out how I can get the characters to that point. But it's going to be juicy!

I'm going to the beach!

Yes! I'm finally getting my beach weekend away. Ryan booked the room last night, and Heather, Ryan's friend Josh, and maybe Heather's friend Michelle, and I are heading down the last weekend in June. I CANNOT WAIT!

I've been talking about getting away for a long weekend, and nothing is better than spending it with a few friends. We are staying right on the boardwalk, so there will be lots of people watching opportunities, and some drinks had by all!

I'm also trying to talk a friend into taking a long weekend vacation with me to Vegas. We both need the mental break after everything that's been going on recently, and Vegas is a great place to let go. Hopefully I'll get a "yes". I double-dog dared him... hehe

Bonsai... not just a small tree! (Bowling - week 3)

Okay, so the title of the blog is for Ryan and Heather - nods to you! We were at bowling last night, and Ryan was playing his game of "let's see what we can get Amy to do", and asked me to scream Bonsai after I rolled the ball down the alley. To humor him, I did (although, no screaming was done), and I got a strike. His words, "I see the name of your next blog!"

Anyway! My average from the two weeks is just shy of 100, by 2 freaking points! But I bowled a 134, 85, and 104 last night, so I'm hoping to increase the average. It's not that I have gutter balls, I can get the ball down the alley. It's that I can't pick up the points on the spare consistently. My aim is slightly off, and the ball just grazes the pins, not knocking them down. We were bowling against an older man on the opposing team last night, and I don't know how he does it. He wanders up there, bends his knees, and just launches his arm and the ball in the air, and gets a strike. If he missed anything, he always picked it up for the spare. Un-freaking-believable!

I woke up with a stiff back this morning, so I think it's time to use my gift certificate to the spa. Last year my co-workers and I had a spaliday right before Christmas, and I experienced my first Raindrop Therapy. IT'S HEAVEN! My massage therapist was great as well, wonderful personality, so I will ask for her when I go back. Basically, the treatment consists of 7-9 essential oils that are dropped down your spine one by one. After each oil is dropped, there's a different massage technique used on your back. This is after some basic relaxing massage at the beginning, and in the middle there's a full back massage. The treatment ends with a foot massage... I'm melting in my chair just thinking about it. I may just add a facial, just to get the full relaxing pampering experience.

That is one thing I miss about having a boyfriend, the soothing touch of someone who cares.

the great weigh-in!

I hate scales. I've always been over-weight, or "full-figured" as we in the "know" like to call it. I learned a long time ago to accept who I am. Looks may attract a person to you in the beginning, but if there isn't substance beneath, they won't be staying for long. I think that's why I've spent most of my life figuring myself out and grooming my inner core into a woman I can be proud of.

I've watched some of the "60 minute" shows where the skinny women dress up in the fat-suit to see if they are treated differently. And they normally get stares, and the camera catches people making comments behind their back. People ask them to move their seats, and they were asked to purchase additional seats on airplanes because of their size. Yet, either I'm oblivious to everything around me or that really isn't reality - as it's never happened to me. According to a text book definition, I'm "morbidly obese", so it's not as if I have an exaggerated view of my image. I haven't experienced size discrimination since I was a little girl. Maybe it's because I enter every situation with confidence and have a commanding presence, or so I've been told.

But, just because I accept and love myself as I am doesn't mean I shouldn't be a healthy weight. As health problems go, knock on wood, I don't have any - and I want to keep it that way!

The Biggest Loser contest at work just started with my team this afternoon. I'm happy, as I'm 3 pounds lighter than when I last weighed myself at the gym a week ago, and I just ate lunch. I think I have a total of about 6 pounds lost since I started a month ago! WOOO HOOO I'm going to be the biggest loser!

My main problem with eating is portion control. Not that I'm like some of the stories you hear on TV where the people have 3 dozen eggs for breakfast! But I've always cleaned my plate... even though they serve you enough for two at a restaurant. And if the food is sitting there in front of me, and I'm talking to people, I'll pick. Which quickly adds up in the scheme of things! I'm trying to be a conscious eater, and eat slowly so that I can feel myself get full. I have self-control in everything else, I just need to slow down and use that ability to exert control over my portions.

My other issue is that I love food. An old friend used to call it a "food-gasam." Just the tastes and the textures on the tongue would be a enough to take me to a happy place. I'm such a sensualist. I like trying different things and eating out... which will just lead me to make better choices and exert control while I'm out.

So that's one more thing I'll be tracking on my blog... my weight loss for the next 15 weeks, and my bowling average!

Speaking of bowling... I'm hoping my average is close or over 100 tonight! Why can't we duck-pin bowl? My arm lasts longer when I do that!

Week 4 in my year of 29

So it's back to the grind after a nice and relaxing weekend off. I had to get up extra early and take my shower as the guy was coming between 7:30-9:00am to fix the water heater. Hopefully he's been there by now, or at least gave an estimation of when he was arriving to my mother. You can never be so sure about these things!

I bought a new knitting book, which just gives me more ideas for projects to start. I'm really committed to finish the baby bunny blankie first, as that was my birthday resolution. I don't know what's wrong with me when it comes to knitting - maybe that is my ADD fix. I normally finish everything I start, and stick to it through the end, as that is something I value. Yet, I can't seem to finish a knitting project. I get bored with the repition of the whole thing. I like the part when I'm learning a new stich, or have to do something intricate for the pattern, but I don't like when I have to do something over and over again for a long period of time. Plus, I want my work to be neat and orderly, so I still have to pay attention to the tension of the yarn and my needle work when I'm constantly repeating rows knitting for inches at a time.

My director is out of the office today as she is still dealing with the squirrles in her attic. No, I'm not making this up. But I never knew that squirrles were destructive, as I just always see them hanging out in the backyard. But, good news for me, I get more time to work instead of meeting with her today.

This is week 4 in my year of 29. So what is new: joined a bowling league, interviewed for my master's program, reconnected with friends, started looking for activity partners online again, went through a few phases in the healing process, started working out and changing my eating habits, about to start the biggest loser team at work, and almost finished the baby blanket. Not too shabby!

Memorial Weekend Ramblings...

I couldn't have asked for better weather this weekend if I planned it myself! Good work, God! However, the bluegrass festival wasn't as successful as I think they were hoping. I took a few pictures, but it was so empty that they look like a lonely carnival hanging out by itself.

But, I do think we can chalk this up as a practice year, and plan better next year. Mainly, not to make it on a holiday weekend, and secondly, to extend the music on Saturday night. We had people coming for a night of festivities at 7pm, and the music was over at 8pm.

It felt wonderful to be outside and enjoying the warm breeze. My friend Kelly offered the suggestion of using dryer sheets to avoid mosquitoes, which really worked well. However, I forgot the sunblock, and have spots of color where the umbrella wasn't covering me.

Mom and I scrubbed down the outside of the house and deck this weekend, and put the new deck furniture on it, which looks great. I'm a little nervous of one set of chairs that mom bought, as they recline in a weird way, and one has to ease into them. Practice makes perfect!

We went to Carson's Creekside for dinner tonight, which we enjoyed on their deck on the water. Lovely scenery and tasty strawberry mojitos! I have to keep that place in mind the next time I'm meeting people for dinner.

I ran into on my ex online last night. We caught up on what's been happening with each other, but I have to keep remembering that he's not my responsibility. I really miss having a significant other to share everything with. But, one day, my prince will come... or so the Cinderella movie told me.