the great weigh-in!

I hate scales. I've always been over-weight, or "full-figured" as we in the "know" like to call it. I learned a long time ago to accept who I am. Looks may attract a person to you in the beginning, but if there isn't substance beneath, they won't be staying for long. I think that's why I've spent most of my life figuring myself out and grooming my inner core into a woman I can be proud of.

I've watched some of the "60 minute" shows where the skinny women dress up in the fat-suit to see if they are treated differently. And they normally get stares, and the camera catches people making comments behind their back. People ask them to move their seats, and they were asked to purchase additional seats on airplanes because of their size. Yet, either I'm oblivious to everything around me or that really isn't reality - as it's never happened to me. According to a text book definition, I'm "morbidly obese", so it's not as if I have an exaggerated view of my image. I haven't experienced size discrimination since I was a little girl. Maybe it's because I enter every situation with confidence and have a commanding presence, or so I've been told.

But, just because I accept and love myself as I am doesn't mean I shouldn't be a healthy weight. As health problems go, knock on wood, I don't have any - and I want to keep it that way!

The Biggest Loser contest at work just started with my team this afternoon. I'm happy, as I'm 3 pounds lighter than when I last weighed myself at the gym a week ago, and I just ate lunch. I think I have a total of about 6 pounds lost since I started a month ago! WOOO HOOO I'm going to be the biggest loser!

My main problem with eating is portion control. Not that I'm like some of the stories you hear on TV where the people have 3 dozen eggs for breakfast! But I've always cleaned my plate... even though they serve you enough for two at a restaurant. And if the food is sitting there in front of me, and I'm talking to people, I'll pick. Which quickly adds up in the scheme of things! I'm trying to be a conscious eater, and eat slowly so that I can feel myself get full. I have self-control in everything else, I just need to slow down and use that ability to exert control over my portions.

My other issue is that I love food. An old friend used to call it a "food-gasam." Just the tastes and the textures on the tongue would be a enough to take me to a happy place. I'm such a sensualist. I like trying different things and eating out... which will just lead me to make better choices and exert control while I'm out.

So that's one more thing I'll be tracking on my blog... my weight loss for the next 15 weeks, and my bowling average!

Speaking of bowling... I'm hoping my average is close or over 100 tonight! Why can't we duck-pin bowl? My arm lasts longer when I do that!