Have you ever wanted to roll around on the floor and kick your feet in protest?
I really need to stay away from facebook or twitter. It allows me to look into the lives of past boyfriends and pisses me off. Do I want them back? HELL NO. I just want to tell the world to stay away from them. Yes, I'm being honest and frank.
I'm not being conceited, but most of these guys didn't deserve me, and treated me like shit. When they weren't playing hard to get, they were cold, unemotional, or too concerned with their own lives to pay me enough attention. I never asked anything from them, ever, yet they broke it off with me. Yes, I was an idiot for staying, but I was blinded by lust and love. That's not an excuse... hell, I'm even to blame too. It takes two to tango. But sometimes I want to rage at the women they are with now and tell them to run away. That they will never change, and explain how they treated me, so that they can fully understand what the new love of their life is truly capable of.
Is that wrong? Probably. The old Amy would be horrified at me saying this, but the new Amy places blame where it is deserved. I never deserved to be treated that way.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Horoscope for the Day
I just got this in my inbox as my Taurus horoscope:
Your passions have been stirring about like a caged animal for the past several days, dear Taurus. Now is the time to let them out. Some of what you express may elicit surprise or disapproval, but that's no reason not to speak up. If you don't express yourself, illness may result. Your goal should be to be true to your inner self; that's the only way, ultimately, to be happy and healthy.
....
I tell you, the universe has a way of telling you what you need to hear when you need to hear it. I had my doctors appointment this morning as a follow-up for my blood pressure and the medicine that I'm on for the anxiety. My blood pressure was perfect, and the medicine is working wonderfully.... along with my therapy and the life changes I am making to have more fun! I'm probably going to be on meds for another 6 months, see how I do, and then start weaning off of it. My doctor mentioned that my dosage is so low, most people need a lot more to stabilize.. which is a good thing!
I have been restless lately, there's a lot of sexual energy inside of me waiting to get out. Grrooowwwlll... hehe I like growling, its fun. Fun and flirty in my thirties - that's the goal!
Your passions have been stirring about like a caged animal for the past several days, dear Taurus. Now is the time to let them out. Some of what you express may elicit surprise or disapproval, but that's no reason not to speak up. If you don't express yourself, illness may result. Your goal should be to be true to your inner self; that's the only way, ultimately, to be happy and healthy.
....
I tell you, the universe has a way of telling you what you need to hear when you need to hear it. I had my doctors appointment this morning as a follow-up for my blood pressure and the medicine that I'm on for the anxiety. My blood pressure was perfect, and the medicine is working wonderfully.... along with my therapy and the life changes I am making to have more fun! I'm probably going to be on meds for another 6 months, see how I do, and then start weaning off of it. My doctor mentioned that my dosage is so low, most people need a lot more to stabilize.. which is a good thing!
I have been restless lately, there's a lot of sexual energy inside of me waiting to get out. Grrooowwwlll... hehe I like growling, its fun. Fun and flirty in my thirties - that's the goal!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Counting down...
I have about 30mins before I get to leave for the day, and it can't come sooner. Our building has been without water for most of the morning and early afternoon. The office we work in decided to leave the building open, but allow the employees to go home. However, my boss, didn't think being without bathrooms was a big deal, and got pissed because we suggested going elsewhere to work. She kept saying that she couldn't give us the day off, and we kept saying that we didn't want the day off, we just didn't want to stay here. She was stuck in traffic and getting pissy in the heart of DC, so most of us just decided to stay here since she was coming back to the office. Two of my coworkers went to the extra space we have at Harbor, but the water came back on around 1:30pm.
This place is quiet as can be. We had a moment of hilarity when Jocelyn wanted to test out the new mattress camping pad that she bought. It is self inflating and we couldn't figure out how to get the air out of it. Finally we started just rolling it, which worked, but then she let it go by accident to grab the cord to wrap it, and the thing re inflated. I was on the floor hysterical at her expression. Other than that I've been sending emails to friends and checking out dating websites on my blackberry.
I do have work to do, but I don't feel like it... its going to be a bear. I have about 60+ forms to compile and theme... boring. I have all of tomorrow free after my doctors appointment, so I will work on them then.
I'm looking forward to this weekend already. Saturday I'm going to New Jersey for a family reunion, and then Sunday I'm having lunch with my friend Stephanie. I'm heading down to NOVA for that, and we should have a good time. I'm really loving my new girlfriends, as I'm opening myself to them and I'm finding people who have really similar lives and situations. I'm looking forward to when my friend Sam gets back into town at the end of August... as he can join in on the single people fun and craziness.
I'm stepping up my workout program at the gym. I've been doing 30 mins of the elliptical, but now its time to start extending the time or moving faster. But I may do the bike tonight as I have a book I have to start reading for my new book club. Its easier for me to ride and read opposed to run and read.
Come on last 30mins.....
This place is quiet as can be. We had a moment of hilarity when Jocelyn wanted to test out the new mattress camping pad that she bought. It is self inflating and we couldn't figure out how to get the air out of it. Finally we started just rolling it, which worked, but then she let it go by accident to grab the cord to wrap it, and the thing re inflated. I was on the floor hysterical at her expression. Other than that I've been sending emails to friends and checking out dating websites on my blackberry.
I do have work to do, but I don't feel like it... its going to be a bear. I have about 60+ forms to compile and theme... boring. I have all of tomorrow free after my doctors appointment, so I will work on them then.
I'm looking forward to this weekend already. Saturday I'm going to New Jersey for a family reunion, and then Sunday I'm having lunch with my friend Stephanie. I'm heading down to NOVA for that, and we should have a good time. I'm really loving my new girlfriends, as I'm opening myself to them and I'm finding people who have really similar lives and situations. I'm looking forward to when my friend Sam gets back into town at the end of August... as he can join in on the single people fun and craziness.
I'm stepping up my workout program at the gym. I've been doing 30 mins of the elliptical, but now its time to start extending the time or moving faster. But I may do the bike tonight as I have a book I have to start reading for my new book club. Its easier for me to ride and read opposed to run and read.
Come on last 30mins.....
Can't...
Why is it that when something it taken away, you crave it? And you don't really notice it before? We don't have water in our building today at work, and now that we can't use the bathroom, I have to pee. I wasn't even thinking about it until I got a notice in my email that we aren't to use the restrooms or the sinks. I used to have this same problem during Lent and not eating meat on Fridays. I never wanted meat until I couldn't have it. I used to crave cheeseburgers during Lent on Fridays, and think I was just going to die begin a vegetarian for the day. I've grown out of that, but it was so drastic as a kid.
At therapy last night we talked more about me being assertive and detached. Detachment in the sense of not really caring about what people think about me. She was making a lot of sense... here's the bottom line. I care about what people think, thus I feel responsible to act as I think they want me to act, thus I'm never fully authentic with them, thus I end up hiding part of who I am so they won't judge me, thus I have superficial relationships that stress me out and make me resentful because they don't seem "real" to me. I think that's why when I find someone that I can actually feel "real" with, I'm loyal, affection, and don't want to lose them ever.
It takes a lot for me to trust people... I usually end up dealing with their issues, getting to know the heart of them, and for some reason they think they know me, but they never really do. A lot of people think that I'm not covert at all, but there is a lot going on in my head that most wouldn't know how to deal with, or want to deal with. I don't mean that the thoughts are scary, but the way my brain thinks and analysis, the depth of intelligence would be frightening. I used to share this type of relationship with my friend Jen from high school. She and I would play "Dr. J and Dr. A" and psychoanalysis everything. We would out-do each other, trying to find patterns in behavior and logical jumps in dialog to make associations and connections for people's behavior. We rarely did that around other people, but it was fun for us. I have found that type of relationship with my cohort members in school... I feel intellectually stimulated again, which is refreshing. I'm starting to open and share with a few of them, and it has been so rewarding for me. I finally feel connected and accepted, and not that I have to hide.
I have a few friends that I feel that connection with, that I can be my total self with, and it is so rewarding. I love them!
At therapy last night we talked more about me being assertive and detached. Detachment in the sense of not really caring about what people think about me. She was making a lot of sense... here's the bottom line. I care about what people think, thus I feel responsible to act as I think they want me to act, thus I'm never fully authentic with them, thus I end up hiding part of who I am so they won't judge me, thus I have superficial relationships that stress me out and make me resentful because they don't seem "real" to me. I think that's why when I find someone that I can actually feel "real" with, I'm loyal, affection, and don't want to lose them ever.
It takes a lot for me to trust people... I usually end up dealing with their issues, getting to know the heart of them, and for some reason they think they know me, but they never really do. A lot of people think that I'm not covert at all, but there is a lot going on in my head that most wouldn't know how to deal with, or want to deal with. I don't mean that the thoughts are scary, but the way my brain thinks and analysis, the depth of intelligence would be frightening. I used to share this type of relationship with my friend Jen from high school. She and I would play "Dr. J and Dr. A" and psychoanalysis everything. We would out-do each other, trying to find patterns in behavior and logical jumps in dialog to make associations and connections for people's behavior. We rarely did that around other people, but it was fun for us. I have found that type of relationship with my cohort members in school... I feel intellectually stimulated again, which is refreshing. I'm starting to open and share with a few of them, and it has been so rewarding for me. I finally feel connected and accepted, and not that I have to hide.
I have a few friends that I feel that connection with, that I can be my total self with, and it is so rewarding. I love them!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
DC Men...
Be still the hearts of the male DC population...
April and I are stepping out to 4 minute date next Tuesday! This is going to be a riot! I hopefully won't start giggling over the absurdity of the entire thing and waste my 4 minutes with a few of the guys. Because once I start laughing, sometimes I just can't stop.
I already told her that I can't sit next to her... that will make it worse. Or I'll be getting involved into their conversation (as would she) and make this a 4 person date opposed to a 2. We would also need time in between to converse about each of the guys.... its best if we sit apart! LOL
This is a hoot!
April and I are stepping out to 4 minute date next Tuesday! This is going to be a riot! I hopefully won't start giggling over the absurdity of the entire thing and waste my 4 minutes with a few of the guys. Because once I start laughing, sometimes I just can't stop.
I already told her that I can't sit next to her... that will make it worse. Or I'll be getting involved into their conversation (as would she) and make this a 4 person date opposed to a 2. We would also need time in between to converse about each of the guys.... its best if we sit apart! LOL
This is a hoot!
Happy Hour
Since I spent most of the afternoon toward DC yesterday, I met my friend April for happy hour in Bethesda! We had a blast! A couple glasses of wine, some good Mexican food, and lots of girl talk. We've decided that we are going to try speed dating! LOL April did this about 2 years ago and met someone, but it didn't work out. So we are going to give it a try - hell, its one way to meet a bunch of singles.
We are also going to start going to the "Professionals in the City" and "Things to do" events, at least every other week. Some of them can get expensive, but we are all about having fun. I shared my new life plan with her, and hers is similar, although she is moving to LA to be with her best friend. They apparently have tried to move to southern California together for at least 10 years now, and finally it looks like it will happen. The plan is for us to have as much fun as possible until we graduate, and get lives! We're young and flirty, we should be doing young and flirty things.... not so serious all the time!
I think our first adventure in speed dating is happening next week... watch out DC, you won't know what hit you! I only have 4 mins to entertain myself talking to these men, so this should be interesting. I'll have to come up with some random fun questions to ask - there is nothing better than an old school Amy interview! hehe :) My goal is not to scare them, just to intrigue them.... must work on that!
We are also going to start going to the "Professionals in the City" and "Things to do" events, at least every other week. Some of them can get expensive, but we are all about having fun. I shared my new life plan with her, and hers is similar, although she is moving to LA to be with her best friend. They apparently have tried to move to southern California together for at least 10 years now, and finally it looks like it will happen. The plan is for us to have as much fun as possible until we graduate, and get lives! We're young and flirty, we should be doing young and flirty things.... not so serious all the time!
I think our first adventure in speed dating is happening next week... watch out DC, you won't know what hit you! I only have 4 mins to entertain myself talking to these men, so this should be interesting. I'll have to come up with some random fun questions to ask - there is nothing better than an old school Amy interview! hehe :) My goal is not to scare them, just to intrigue them.... must work on that!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Secrets
So I truly believe that the brain is more powerful then given credit, and changing your attitude can change your whole life. I'm starting week two of having fun and being stress free - and it's working!
I finished reading The Secret, and now I just need to test it out. The piece that I know is going to be tricky for me is the belief section. You have to believe with everything inside of you that its (whatever it is that you want) going to happen and act like it already happened. Live your life like you have what you are asking for. And don't do anything that is contradictory. For instance, a story shared in the book was about a woman wanting a life partner. She wished and believed, but she wasn't living like she already had it. So she started parking on one side of her parking pad to make room for another car, cleaned out her closet to make room for a man's clothing, and started sleeping on "her" side of the bed, and no longer in the middle. Once she started living like she already had a partner, she got one. Interesting... so the trick is living like you already have it.
Anyway, I had a great weekend. I went out with friends on Friday night to an outside movie, and it ended just before the sky opened up and poured on us! Saturday I found a peach orchard in PA, after getting a pedi and mani at the spa. I had a delicious fresh peach sundae before going out to dinner with my mom later that evening. Sunday I went to the movies and then decided to get my haircut. I told my stylist to do whatever she wanted, just not too short. I have bangs now, just a side-sweep, and lots of layers. It's cute!
Tonight I'm going to be in Bethesda and meet my friend April for Happy Hour - yay! I also updated my online dating profiles this weekend, and I'm back on the market! I decided that what I was really feeling for the guy friend I mentioned before was just love of a friend, and not some romantic thing my mind wanted to craft. I'm open to anything!
I finished reading The Secret, and now I just need to test it out. The piece that I know is going to be tricky for me is the belief section. You have to believe with everything inside of you that its (whatever it is that you want) going to happen and act like it already happened. Live your life like you have what you are asking for. And don't do anything that is contradictory. For instance, a story shared in the book was about a woman wanting a life partner. She wished and believed, but she wasn't living like she already had it. So she started parking on one side of her parking pad to make room for another car, cleaned out her closet to make room for a man's clothing, and started sleeping on "her" side of the bed, and no longer in the middle. Once she started living like she already had a partner, she got one. Interesting... so the trick is living like you already have it.
Anyway, I had a great weekend. I went out with friends on Friday night to an outside movie, and it ended just before the sky opened up and poured on us! Saturday I found a peach orchard in PA, after getting a pedi and mani at the spa. I had a delicious fresh peach sundae before going out to dinner with my mom later that evening. Sunday I went to the movies and then decided to get my haircut. I told my stylist to do whatever she wanted, just not too short. I have bangs now, just a side-sweep, and lots of layers. It's cute!
Tonight I'm going to be in Bethesda and meet my friend April for Happy Hour - yay! I also updated my online dating profiles this weekend, and I'm back on the market! I decided that what I was really feeling for the guy friend I mentioned before was just love of a friend, and not some romantic thing my mind wanted to craft. I'm open to anything!
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