Lost more weight!

So I am below my second milestone in the weight loss journey, even though it's only a quarter of a pound. I was a full pound below on Saturday morning when I was at the gym, but that was before a weekend of eating out and drinking on Saturday night.

I went to see my Aunt's new bar. It's not in the best neighborhood, actually that area of Belair Rd is very scary (the bank next door was robbed earlier that day), but the bar itself is adorable. My cousin-in-law and my Aunt's boyfriend were buying me drinks... so 3 Malibu and pineapples later left me very happy. I fell asleep sitting up in a weird position on the couch. We went there after leaving my cousin's house warming party. She purchased it from a foreclosure auction and got a wonderful deal. With some paint and some new flooring - it's beautiful! I want a house. I need to finish grad school first, but after that, I'm buying.

Wedding Dream

I had the weirdest dream last night. A guy that a friend has started dating asked me to marry him (in the dream those two didn't know each other), and because I was approaching 30, and feeling rushed to get on with a marriage, I said 'yes.' Then I went and planned this huge platinum wedding (I was watching Platinum Weddings on WE channel last night before bed) that cost a fortune. After the wedding, I went home, and he went home to his parents house. Then I realized what I did. That I just married some guy I didn't know, who has no ambition or a job, spent a fortune, and I don't even know the guy's last name. I called my priest on his cellphone (I do have my priest on speed dial) who happened to be out with another priest at a Mexican restaurant. I told him my huge issue, that I just married someone I didn't know, because I felt rushed... I'm home freaking out, and I need an annulment. They said I would need to fill out Annulment Form 13, and go to confession. About that time I woke up.

I think I was coming out of the dream and back into waking during the last pieces of the dream, because I was trying to figure out if I really did get married this weekend, and if I sleep-walked to pick up the phone to call my priest, because the conversation was "real" feeling. I laid there kinda confused for a few minutes.

Good thing I didn't dream about the show I was watching before that - it was on the Natgeo channel about "The Devil's Bible." My tv watching would be much better if they just showed 24-7 the Dog Whisperer. I really like that show. I get to practice walking my cousin's dog, to see if I can be a "calm assertive pack leader."

March 26

Hmmmmm.... what to write about today?

I'm having a comfy feet day. Instead of my normal uniform of high heels, I'm wearing silver flats with a little buckle that are adorable. They were a recent purchase a few months ago... but a woman can't ever have enough shoes! I like to live up to the stereotype.

It's almost been a year to my first anniversary to my blog. I used to have it atomically upload to my facebook account, and post it on myspace, but I stopped doing that. I have coworkers (including my boss) on facebook, and I don't want to share with them. Not that I have anything to hide, but keeping the mystery of my personal life hidden is a good thing. I'll have to do a celebratory recap on that day or something. I can't believe the year went so fast.

Time does seem to fly when we get older. I wonder why the perception changes, but it just may be that we have more things to past the time with - more responsibility. I know that I try to cherish every day, just because one is never sure when people will be taken away. My horoscope reminded me today to be connected to the Earth, as I am part of it. To be grounded - in the good way.

Yoga Class

So after talking about it forever, I finally started my first ever yoga class last Thursday. Actually, it was very helpful in relaxing me prior to attending the drama of the funeral last week.

I am taking the Beginner Series, which is five classes of instruction before attending a "real" beginners class. It's AWESOME! We did standing poses this past Thursday, which I learned the warrior sequence and a few other ones that go with it. Then we did a 20 minute meditation at the end - I haven't felt this relaxed in FOREVER! My face was actually relaxed, I could feel it. The last time I felt that way was a few years ago when I had Raindrop Therapy at the Spa. Our class is right after the heated yoga one, which means the room is nice and warm - makes Amy very flexible!

This week will be focused on poses that bend the back. Yeah.. we'll see how that goes! hehe

Family Drama

Wow - what a weekend! I took off Friday for my Uncle's services, and now am back at my desk trying to put out fires.

This weekend was INSANE. My cousin has completely lost her mind. I knew she was always a wacko, but now I can claim that she is clinical. There were so many drama tantrums, her storming around, her telling funeral directors that she is in charge, her trying to run the show, and her just being an overall bitch, that I had about enough.

Everything came to a head on Friday. She was late to the funeral home because she was online trying to put a lien against the estate of her father to get the money back she put out for his funeral. Mind you, we haven't even been to the funeral home yet for the services. (My uncle just wanted to be laid out one day, and then cremated.) When my uncle's girlfriend arrived (after we learned that my cousin was going to be late), the funeral director told her that he was under orders not to let anyone in until my cousin got there. The girlfriend wasn't having it and went in - good for her! (BTW, my uncle left everything to his girlfriend, and made her executor of the Will.)

When she finally arrived (late) she wanted to keep bringing up about how she is contesting the Will and putting a lien, which her sister kept telling her wasn't the place. We left at 5pm to go to dinner, which set her off because she didn't want to leave him. We finally got her to the restaurant, where her sister and my mother were trying to talk to her about the legal stuff - which she blew up and stomped out of the restaurant, sighting she was "done" with all of us. One doesn't tell my mother "you are done." That went over like a lead balloon.

She finally came back in, but refused to eat. They left the restaurant about 10 mins before us, and when we got to the funeral home, the door to get into my uncle's room was closed. There were people waiting to get in. My cousin had went in with the funeral director and stated her wishes of who gets what flowers and the pictures - etc. My mom had stated earlier that she just wanted the 2 flowers that her friends sent. It didn't matter to her who brought what pictures, or anything else - they were all hers.

My priest came at 8pm, and my cousin went running out to meet him while I was talking to him. She was acting crazier than a bed-bug, and my priest really didn't know what to say to her. I told him to ignore her, she's crazy, to which he responded, "you think!?!?!?!" (he's so funny) We couldn't start the ceremony until after she changed seats two times and got comfortable, and found her son who was outside. We got through the ceremony and then all hell broke out again.

My mom saw the funeral director marking the flowers so she went to him and told him that those 2 belonged to her, as they were sent to her from her friends, because they wanted her to have the pretty vases they were in. The funeral director told her that he was informed by my cousin that everything goes to her, and no one is to take anything out of there except her. Again, wrong thing to say to my mother. She went to my cousin who told my mother that the funeral director is lying to my mother... my uncle's girlfriend stepped in and supported my mother.

As we were leaving with the flowers, and had some of my other cousin's helping us carry them out, my cousin started freaking out again. Her daughter told us to leave while we could, she's been like this for days, and she's not taking her meds that her therapist gave her (literally). We left. She and her sister got into a huge fight at the funeral home, since my cousin "wrote us off" earlier at the restaurant.

Now we get to Saturday....

My cousin called my uncle's girlfriend (who gets everything, including the house) and said that she was coming over immediately to get all of her father's stuff. The gf called my mom, to let her and my other cousin know that she was coming, and if we wanted anything to come too - as she didn't think it was fair to have her there and not us.

Well... she wouldn't leave. She was there for over 5 hours, cleared out the entire garage of tools, and my uncle's work truck, went through every piece of paper. The gf called my mom and told her that my cousin was getting hateful, saying mean things, and she won't go home. She's taken pretty much everything. My mom, and my other cousin told her to call the police. We called her husband who was out of town, who called my cousin's mother. My cousin then yelled at the gf for telling us she was there and stated that "Everything in that house was hers and we have no right to any of it - just her." She finally left...

Sunday was quiet, but she told the gf that she'd be back. Hopefully the gf will get a hold of the lawyer today, who will go after her! SHE's INSANE!

RIP Uncle Jerry

I didn't make it to Celtic Women last night, as I got a frantic phone call that my uncle (my mom's brother) had passed away. Mom and I got to the hospital, to learn that they think he died earlier at home during the day, and they were not able to resuscitate him. The doctors think it was an aortic abdominal rupture, which could have been treated if caught in time.

The funeral services are on Friday, and I have been working today and will work tomorrow. As I'm trying to get a bunch done this week, with meetings I can't reschedule. It's good to have coworkers who will pitch in and cover clients when needed.

Please keep my family and me in your prayers. And if you don't pray, just keep us in your thoughts.

Thanks!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I'm heading downtown tonight to see the Celtic Women in concert at the Hippodrome. I've only seen them perform on MPT, and was moved to pledge a few months ago to see them in concert. Both nights are completely sold out, and it should be an awesome show! I can't wait!

Instead of bowling last night, I actually made an appearance at my church's Parish Council meeting. I've been trying to get off the council for the last few months, but my priest and associate pastor won't let me. I guess it helps their case that I'm friends with them, and my priest is my swing dance partner at all the church functions... so they feel that they have the right to boss me around. They are actually very gracious about it, as they know I'm busy in school, and they would rather have me 1/2 the time then not at all, or so they said. Fr. has also been giving me dirty looks over the weight I've lost. I keep offering to take him to the gym with me, but he won't go... then he tells me how all the stress is causing him to want to go to Five Guy's and have 2 cheeseburgers, and 2 chili cheese dogs. OMG. See, this is one more reason of why I don't understand why I'm obese. I have never in my life been able to eat that much in one sitting. I would be sick after getting through maybe a 1/4 of the second burger. I've been watching some of the diet tv shows, especially this one nutritionist in England. She has her client do a food journal for a few weeks, and then shows them on their kitchen table all of the food laid out for the entire week that they have eaten. It's gross! I don't eat that way! I've never been an over eater... even when I was younger. I think that's why the weight is hard for me to lose - most people can just stop eating junk food and exercise... well, I'm not eating junk food.

When I talk about my emotional eating, I'm talking about one incident that happened during the day, so I walk by my coworkers desk and have one of her chocolate nuggets. I'm not talking about going to a fast food restaurant and getting a whole meal... as other emotional eaters proclaim, even after eating a full meal not too longer prior.

Here's a sample menu for the day:
Breakfast - Special K cereal with skim milk, small glass of OJ and a banana.
Snack - Special K bar, or a piece of fruit.
Lunch - Lean cuisine, a piece of fruit.
Dinner - Usually a lean meat, 2 veggies (or salad), and a starch.

I drink water all day, and diet tea with dinner. I've calculated everything I've put in my mouth on a food journal, and I don't sneak. My "skinny" friends can continuously out-eat me.

But - I'm trying! I've lost 21lbs since I started, and I'm on the road to more!

Descriptions

This weekend was educational. In more ways than one. I've gotten a lot of crocheting done, and I think that's because I'm on Spring Break (smirk) and I haven't been going out much on the weekends. I think my weekends will pick up more once the weather breaks. Plus, I'm missing Sam - he was my go-out partner on the weekends.

Actually, I ran into him online, as he's still at home before heading out to sea in a few days. And he gave me some drunken sailor insight. My profile on okcupid sucks. He read through it, as I had changed a small piece, and said that he didn't want to be harsh, but my profile doesn't describe me at all. He said that when he began talking to me, he did it without any real interest, because my profile wasn't that great. But it was after a few minutes of conversation that he realized that the person in the profile, and the person he was talking to were completely different people - then he wanted to know everything about me and spend time with me.

So, now I'm stuck wondering how to encapsulate how I behave around people in describable words. I thought I was doing that, but apparently I wasn't. When I ask people, I normally get things like, "you're great!" "you're super nice!" "you're so funny!" But that doesn't really describe me, or anyone else very well ("well" - as in "clearly"). I think I'm more than just sounding the same way one would describe a puppy. I appreciate the sentiment, but it's not exactly working.

I was thinking over the weekend of ways to describe me, and Nice always comes up. But I don't think I'm nice - I would describe it as polite. There's a difference. If people really knew what I was thinking internally in various situations, then they wouldn't think I'm very nice. I just don't share it because it's not any of my business, and if people want to behave that way, it's up to them. And my opinion really doesn't matter - and I'm not saying that as a lack of confidence in myself. I'm saying that from a larger self-awareness piece that teaches me that the only opinion that actually matters is the person's own. That's just logic.

Anyway... I'm giving it more thought, as when I really think of myself I'm a ball of contradictions. But one has to be careful when writing self-descriptions, as it can easily give the wrong impression.

On a much happier note - I'm going to visit Sam in Austin in July for his birthday! We are going to be celebrating our birthdays together (he can't be in Baltimore for mine because of work) and he's already lining up places for us to go! He'll be on vacation that week, so it'll be a great time to enjoy together! Yay! I'm so excited!!!!

Diagnosis

A few weeks ago I received an email from one of my clients - a director of a particular department. Her opening line to me stated "With greatest sympathies..." she went on to add that she didn't know whether to congratulate me that I got her team as a client or feel sorry for me. I knew that I was in trouble at that moment.

I went in to do some action planning with her team of 37 around the Employee Survey results, and everything started peeling back like an onion. There is so much going on in there that it's been a whirlwind of experiences. I reviewed the survey results, which have improved greatly from 2 years ago, and then decided to start interviewing some of the staff to get an understanding of what may be lurking behind the survey. I interviewed half of them and then got to see the entire group in action during one of my meetings with them.

Based on all of the data that I collected, I have seen the staff's complaints about management in action - I've witnessed it. And based on the managements ideas of the staff, I've seen all of that too - again, with a first hand account. So now I need to straighten them all out on Monday. lol

I've been rehearsing a lot of what I'm going to say in my head and then voicing it out loud. This is how I prep for difficult situations. As an extroverted learner, I have to talk it out loud to hear it, to make sure it's PC and not going to offend everyone. But I think they will get it better when I do an exercise with them. I'm stealing this from a consultant who came in to sell us something, but he said I could use it. Here is the exercise: hold your right arm straight up into the air, point your finger, and draw a circle on the ceiling in a clockwise motion. Use your entire arm, and keep drawing the circle. Then slowly lower your arm, still doing the motion, and bring it under your chin, bend forward, and look down at your arm. What direction is it spinning now? (The answer is counter-clockwise.) The exercise is used to demonstrate perception and looking at it from various points makes it a different reality, even though its the same exact motion.

The differences in perception is what is happening in the department. They each are so locked into their beliefs about the other, that they can't get pass themselves to find a solution. I am also going to tell them that if they want my help in changing, they have to be willing to look at the situation and environment from a different perspective. Then I'm going to ask for agreement. If they don't want to agree, then I'm going to leave. I know, I'm into dramatics when it comes to making a point, but they need to see the seriousness of the situation. And visuals really help adults to learn, as it solidifies the point.

After that I'm going into the Ladder of Inference. I never knew that something I learned in my first weekend of class back in September was going to be so useful when working with teams. I use it in my own life, to try to get myself into an open mindset, and not stuck in the same belief that bogs me down. It's going to be in my book when I finally write it.

Horoscope Thursday

I get my daily horoscope emailed to me every morning and this morning's was very interesting. It told me to give out "long and tight hugs" "like candy" during the day, "to everyone I come in contact with" to share my "warmth and kindness" with everyone. It went on to say that the people will need that special warmth today. So - to my faithful readers, consider yourself hugged!

I would post this blog on my okcupid journal but for some reason I don't feel as safe over there as I used to. I'm getting a lot of angry vibes from people, as I read their journals and they respond to mine, which leads me to believe that I don't necessarily want to interact with them. I do things like that (blog about giving people hugs), I'm sweet. I like to give hugs and make people feel good, but not when the environment is not as safe and open to it. I don't know, maybe that is the innocent child side of me that is only shared with the right people.

I also started twittering again. There are a lot more people on it now then when I first started twittering awhile ago. Well, let me clarify that - there are a lot more news and entertainment twitters now that have some really cool updates. A few give me snippets on the fun things to do around town, others are breaking news stories. You can follow me on twitter if you want - my twitter account is amyu429. My twitter updates also appear on the right of this screen, as I have a feed to this blog.

I've been watching Bridezilla on the WE channel and I have to say that I am even more confused by relationships. I don't understand why people (especially men) stay with someone so unsuitable. Why would they behave that badly in front of the tv cameras? This goes back to my theory that people feed on drama and some men think that they need it in relationships for them to actually exist. I don't agree.

Trust-O-Meter of Self Discovery

Gosh - I can't get enough of this stuff. I love looking at new ways of fussing out situations. I was just reading this article on cnn from Oprah.com, and wanted to share it with the world! This is really good stuff - especially the Step 1 piece on coaching. We live so deeply encoded and how we envision things should be, that we forget to feel our natural instincts - those things that can help us!

Anyway... here is the article.

Finished my paper early!

I really had trouble starting this paper. It wasn't about what I would select to use as my criteria for diagnosis, as much as justifying that response that got me stuck. I can't answer, "because I said so," so I had to find reasons that made my selection better than other things I could have selected. I ended up making 4 broad categories, and then lumping a whole bunch of different things under those categories. We'll see if it works! I got a verification that Marshak received the paper, so now we'll see what my grade turns out to be! So far I have an A in the class, based on my first paper...

I don't have any work to do this month so far, since my class syllabus for April hasn't been released yet. My April class is in Bethel, ME - which I'll be spending a full week in! My flight is booked, and I'm car pooling with my classmate April once we land. It's about a 2 hour drive from Portland to get to Bethel. I'm staying in a B&B on Friday and Saturday night, and then from Sunday to Friday I'll be in the big fancy mansion. I can't wait!

Since my time is free, I'm on a knitting extravaganza! I finished a scarf for my mom, much like the one I just created for myself. I started a double-knit for myself, and then found a sunburst pattern that I really liked in my crochet book that I started last night. I think I'm going to focus on the sunburst, as I'm faster at crocheting than knitting. But I will finish the other too! Maybe it's my lack of sex-life that is driving me to be a fast knitter... it is one way to focus my energies!

Impact on Life

One day I'm going to write a book about all of my client experiences... or at least write a made for TV movie.

The plot always thickens, and the world always spins.

I really can't tell people enough that there comes better self-management through self-awareness. It's my mantra, and I'm going to keep selling it as long as it makes light bulbs go off in people's heads.

Peace!

Wacky Wednesday

The effect of caffine on me is always amazing! In the last 2 hours I've managed to spill water all over me, drop pear juice down the front of me, and miss a meeting I didn't know about. Well, the meeting isn't directly related to the caffine, but it happened during that time so by association. LOL

I started this morning crusing around the beltway... okay, that's a lie. I didn't cruise, it was more like inching and inching and inching. I had forgotten how much the commute sucks to that side of town when there is either an accident or sun glare. I was meeting a client in Owings Mills, and I hadn't been over that way in rush hour traffic in 6 years. But at least this time I had my blackberry to keep me company. I didn't have that trendy technology then, just the radio and teddy grams to keep me up!

On the way back to the office I stopped at McDonald's to get an iced coffee. I think if Starbucks wants more business from me they need to create more stores with drive-ins. It's so much easier when there is a time crunch! My large hazelnut coffee is what has led to my caffine overload - and we have learned what Amy is like on caffine and sugar. It's almost as if I'm drunk, my filter just slips off and I become very silly. More so than normal, and the comebacks just flow! Cough medicine has the same effect on me. Hopefully I'll "sober up" in time for the interview we are having at 4pm. We don't want to give the general public the wrong impression.

SNOW!

I was so excited to wake up to a winter wonderland this morning - but I always then have to play the "should I go to work?" song and dance. I liked it better when the school system would decide my fate, opposed to me making a judgement call. I think the issue is that I live only 7 mins from my office, so it's bad form if the rest of the group (that each live from 30mins - hour away) makes it in, and I don't.

The drive in was snow-bound, and the roads weren't that great, but I made it in to pick up my papers for my 10am meeting over at the CBO. The parking lots are not fun - but I texted some pictures to my friend in New Orleans so he could see the ridiculousness of the whole thing! But it really is beautiful.

I crocheted another scarf this weekend. I've had the yarn for awhile and located a pattern in a magazine that I wanted. I'm a much faster crocheter than I am a knitter. I was using a larger gauge, but I finished the entire thing in 2 nights - it's beautiful! I used two different shades of grey and one of pink to make it, and it alternates colors. I took pictures of it and me wearing it this morning getting ready to go out in the snow - and I look cute. If I do say so myself! Maybe I can become a winter wear fashion model if the OD thing doesn't work out. Pictures are coming soon of both scarfs!

I haven't started my paper yet. It's been in my head, but nothing has come out. I plan on working on it for a bit this afternoon at work, as I don't have anything pressing right now. Hopefully I'll get a bunch done!

My meeting at the CBO went better than I thought. I was delivering some really bad news about one team's management style, based on interviews that I did with the team. They took it well, but I was also told that I have a pretty good style when it comes to that... we'll see!