Catching up

So I had a whirlwind of an emotional weekend. But everything is sorted out now.

Thursday was spent being crazy at work, trying to get everything prepped for a huge meeting on Friday - which went really really well!

I talked to D in the morning drive on Friday, and we finalized plans for me going over to his place on Friday night. After book club, I got there around 10am, and it was instant attraction! He's so funny! We had a lot of good laughs, some good cuddles, lots of kisses, and just together time.
I ended up spending the night, and got up in the morning and left because he had to get ready to go to his brother's for his brother's bday. That's when I started to feel a little emotionally shut-off. But I think it was my own insecurities creeping in.

I had, what I thought, a valid reason to be leery. Leading up to Friday we were in constant contact. Except when he was sleeping, he literally texted me or facebooked me every hour, a few times an hour. He wanted me to text him on Saturday when I got home, which I did, and then I told him that I had a lot of fun last night. To which he replied he did, then I didn't hear from him. I knew he was going to the birthday party, so I didn't stress until it got to be around 6pm. He hadn't responded back yet, then I finally heard from him, and he asked me how I was, to which I responded, and asked him, then I never heard from him. I didn't hear from him again until 3pm on Sunday. He sent me a "howdy," to which I responded, then nothing.

My immediate fear was that he changed his mind about us, not there is an us, but he lost his interest in me, because it was just so weird to have heard from him so frequently for over a week, and then nothing. Actually, even when I was at school last weekend, he was constantly texting me. He even was hanging out with his friends on Saturday night and texting me. Even checked in when I was out with some girlfriends on Wednesday to see if I was having fun. And, he was the one who kept pushing for us to be more together, wanting to know if we could be exclusive and telling me that he's really developing feelings for me. Which we both recognized was so quickly, but said that we both feel so comfortable with each other. I thought I fell very neatly into a trap.

So, I put my big-girl panties on and dealt with it. I texted him and said, "Ok, I'm not a crazy psycho woman, but I just wanted to check and see if everything is okay between us, because I'm getting weird vibes?" He immediately responded to that, and said that, "All is well!!!!" I responded and said, "okay, I just wanted to check because I am feeling vulnerable this weekend, and wanted to make sure." He then responded back and forth like "normal"... so I guess it was just my stupid insecurities playing with my head. Or... he didn't want me to feel bad and didn't know how to tell me.

Oh well, the ball is in his court.... I have too much interest vested in me to get myself hyper over this. I really like spending time with me, and I'm okay being single, but I just don't like to be played for a fool. If he just wanted sex (and we didn't go all the way) then I would have appreciated him being upfront about it, and not pulling the "I think you are the one for me" routine. Again, he may be genuine, so I shouldn't be so bitter.

Its time to let it go, to stop falling into my old pattern, and just let it be what it is! :) I am cultivating the witness.

I'm just really proud that I spoke up and didn't triangle about it with 50 of my friends and never said anything to him. That's a major learning for me.