Happy Anniversary to my blog!

So, it's official, it has been one year since I started writing my blog out of desperation to sort out my life. My initial post stated that I was hoping to live in the moment and not focus so much on the shoulds and woulds and take each day as it comes. It also mentioned so many changes that I will be undertaking over the next year.

Today's post is a celebration of a year of change, and although I'm not completely finished my Golden Year (the year of 29), a lot of changes have happened. This year's purpose was not necessarily to focus on the physical things that cause change, but also the internal battles that I face with myself on my thought process and in my search for clarity. Sometimes I was very introspective with clear insight, and other posts were silly and joyful in nature - but that is the life of a human, and I don't fault myself that.

This weekend was actually also the 1 year anniversary of my break-up with my ex-boyfriend. Even after a year, I still think about that relationship's ending because it was so pivotal in the person that I am today. I had to go through a very strong mourning period, as that is what lead me down the path of change. I can honestly say, right or wrong, that I never mourned him - actually, I was pretty okay with us not being together anymore. What it took me so long to mourn is the loss of a plan. That loss of the plan is what provoked me into shaking up my life and making changes. In hindsight, I can look back at that loss as a necessary learning point that has gotten me to grow and change.

How have I changed? Well, here are the physical things:

1. I started my graduate program in MSOD in September. I had to get used to being back in school again, but this time it was for me. I've found a career and a program that speaks to my value system, and I clearly see the impact I have on the lives of others. I look forward to going to work every morning, and I look forward to making progress with my clients. I feel empowered on a daily basis, which not many people can say they have.
2. I've lost 21 pounds. I had my weigh-in today and I'm almost at 22lbs, but I keep going up and down a .25. I want to lose more weight. I love myself as I am, but I want to look like someone else now. That's funny to say, but I've looked like me for 30 years, and now I want to see what my body could look like as something different. No, I am not a candidate for plastic surgery; I believe in changing myself the old fashioned way.
3. I started on a bowling league. Although drama seems to be following me from bowling league to bowling league, it is really fun. I've also purchased my own shoes and ball, and love them. It's fun to get together with friends and just relax one night a week.
4. I try to get to the gym 4 times a week. My stamina has increased and I actually love working-out. I never thought I'd say that, but I enjoy it.
5. I started dating again - and I met someone. We are still in the friend stage, which I'm okay with, but I really really enjoy him. We have the best conversations, and he treats me so nicely.
6. I finally got to Bermuda! I took my mom last year on a cruise for her 60th birthday and we had the best time. It was so relaxing and fun - definitely will go there again.
7. Speaking of that, it was made possible by my shiny new passport! It's just waiting to be used.
8. My client list and responsibilities have increased drastically at work - but I love it!
9. I got new glasses!
10. I got a new laptop at work!
11. I started a regular yoga and meditation practice.

Emotionally/mentally... here are my changes:

1. I have firmly adopted the Serenity Prayer as my way of life. I accept things as they are, and not try to change them to suit me. Which sounds counterproductive to my need to change myself, but the Lord loves me so much he wants me to change for the better.
2. I've attempted to try not to jump ahead to the next thing. I get so happy sometimes when I'm involved with something that I want to take it to the next level, but I have to stop doing that. It is what it is.
3. I look at each experience as a learning experience and I've let go of getting upset. I have to practice what I preach at work, and model my own behavior I am trying to get leaders to live. I can't do that if I let my emotions get the best of me.
4. I've identified my emotional eating habit and am controlling it. I no longer reach for food, I turn to exercise.
5. I've learned better understanding and awareness of myself and others through getting certified in the MBTI. It really helps me to understand personality preferences and how I can better show-up in situations.
6. I've learned how to breathe. This sounds physical, but its amazing the mental clarity that arises with deep controlled breathing. I'm not great at it, but I try.
7. My yoga practice is helping me notice my body and my feelings. I have a tendency to stuff them down and play the quiet martyr. Not making people feel guilty, but taking on the burden for others to save them. This is also called the wounded warrior.
8. I've learned to better use myself in situations so that I have more productive conversations. Asking the questions I need to ask, and not being afraid of the answers.

Things for me to work on this coming year:

- Still living in the moment. Sometimes I feel like I am a removed observer in my own life, and I am waiting for something big to happen to make me feel it.
- More weight loss
- Letting myself be open to anything

I prayed this weekend at church for the Lord to give me whatever it is I am waiting for, as I am finally ready to take it on. And I am ready to open my heart to anything.