Going for the cupcake

I've been focused lately on my patterns that have limited me in my lifetime and trying to figure out how to change it.

I started randomly asking people that if they were at a party, and there was the last cupcake on the table, and they really wanted it, would they take it? (The cupcake can be translated to whatever their favorite thing is.) Most people say yes, or they would ask everyone first and then take it. For me, the answer is no.

My strongest asset is my life-limiting weakness. I meet my own needs on my own. Using the cupcake example, I wouldn't touch it, even if I really wanted it, as I would rationalize that if I really wanted it, I could stop on the way home and pick-up one. I should leave that cupcake for someone who really wants it at the party, and doesn't have the resources or will-power to stop on the way home and pick-up their own.

So how does this translate to life? I never take what I want when I am with other people, I put their needs first, and never express my wants. I always figure that it's more important to spend time with the person, and whatever I want I can get on my own afterwards. This eventually leaves me in relationships living separate lives, where I do my own thing and we always do what the other person wants when we are together. Every guy's dream? Some would say yes, but then I become passive-aggressive, snippy, and sarcastic, because I'm not ever getting what I want, and they aren't checking in with me to ask. But I'm afraid that if I ask, I'll get rejected and lose them. It really is a horrible cycle where I end up only meeting people at the point they are willing to give, and then having to make up the time and put in extra work to cover the distance to meet them there. I end up resenting those that I want to love. Then working extra time on my own to make sure I'm getting what I need.

Stating what I want and expect is really scary for me. I have a high-need to be liked, and rationally I know that's bullshit. That not everyone will like you all the time, but I have to get out of the mindset that I'd rather take what I can get opposed to nothing at all. Something is not better than nothing - it's not working for me anymore.