New question to ask

Yoga last night was wonderful... we had a lot of beginners in the class, so everything was very slow and guided. I love the meditation at the end, and I just feel so relaxed and calm after doing it. It's almost as good as sex for me. Although, it's not exactly the same thing.. hehe

I did ask my therapist the question, and I am on the right track. Putting this all into perspective has really shown me that I freaked out over something that wasn't that significant. I had a midlife crisis. But I think it was a wake-up call for me to realize that I'm human. I've lived in a safe bubble, blocking out all of the unpleasant aspects of life, and to be faced with it scared the shit out of me. I've become much more sensitive to everything, and it saddens me so much to hear about how poorly others are treating each other. The news kills me at night, and I've taken to not watching it. I knew it before, but I never paid attention.

I've also started trying to get out of my head and into my body. I can't identify what emotions I'm feeling when asked. I honestly don't know. I can tell you what I'm thinking, and if those thoughts are related to emotion in anyway - i.e. I think he's a jerk, therefore I must be feeling upset. I agree with the idea that there are only two basic emotions, fear and love. And all of the other words we use to describe emotions are stemming from those basic feelings. I've only lived in the "love" emotion. Always blocking and brain-handling the "fear" emotions. Rationalization is the key to my survival. However that isn't authentic to my body and my emotions. People always say that to look inside of their heads is a scary thing, but I can honestly say that my brain is working 24/7. I'm never without a thought, and if I'm not thinking about something important then I'm singing a song in my head. It's always on. Yoga meditation helps it to stop.

One way that I want to change is by starting to put myself first. Talking with my therapist last night, we found a trigger question that I can use to help me do that. Because of my strong sense of duty, catholic upbringing, guilt, and my MBTI score, I am compelled to put other people's needs before mine. I can't "not" do it. But she reminded me that everything is a choice, and I can control it. The breaks and free-love that I give other people to be human isn't something that I give myself. I need to be perfect. Or, I needed to be perfect up until this minute. So the new question for me to ask just when I'm about to judge myself or be self-limiting is, "what would I do for someone else in this situation?" and then do it for myself.