Adore her...

Friday we had a staff meeting at work, then we left to have a "Pot-luck Back to School Party" at my director's house. (BTW, I love her house, I want one!) My one coworker is finishing her degree, my other is starting a post-master's certificate, and I'm starting grad school in two weeks - so the timeliness of the party was great.

I was talking to one of my new coworkers, Judy, and I really value her. She brings an insight and an experience to the table that not many could. She's very introspective, and now that I'm learning more about what OD is, I think she encapsulates the true theories.

We were looking at a magazine on the coffee table, one of the many sale books from the local stores, which was selling bed spreads. I saw a black/white one that was extremely classy. She asked me about the colors, and I mentioned that I did my ex's bedroom in those colors. She is going through a divorce, and asked me about "ex", and I explained that we weren't married, he's an ex-boyfriend. She asked me what happened, and I explained it to her, and she told me a little bit about why her marriage, after 30 years, is no longer.

She then said something very interesting, which caused me to reflect a lot this weekend. Judy said that she has a lot of friends/family who have relationships that don't work, and she wondered why some do. So she started studying her friends that had working relationships and she noticed a common theme: the man in the relationship truly adored the woman.

I guess I looked at her funny, and she went on to explain that it's more than love. The man puts her every need ahead of his own, which makes her happy, and in turn she is loving and nice to him, which makes him happy. But if the man doesn't adore her, care about her needs, or see value in their time together, it never works.

I was watching my director's boyfriend, Tom, who is an old-world gentleman, and I saw what she was saying. Her wish is his every command - but it's not as gross, annoying or stupid as many young people think that would be. He's not "whipped" as some people would say, he is just happy when she is happy. So that comes out as doing small things for her - for instance, before she gets out of bed in the morning, he brings her a class of juice. She never asked for that, she doesn't need it, and is perfectly capable of walking downstairs herself to get it, but he knows it would make her happy, so he does it. Sometimes he just looks at her with so much love in his eyes, as if he's a truly lucky man.

It's those little things that women are looking for, that more and more men don't seem to give them. Believe me, I'm a strong career woman, with a 5 year plan for success. Yet, I'm still woman enough to want to be adored too.