La Vida Loca

No, I'm not singing the song, but I do feel like I'm living the crazy life. For some reason going to the Use of Self Class, turning 30, and now reading all of this stuff for Group Dynamics class this weekend had an interesting effect on me. I've started to question everything I am, and mourn some things that I didn't realize where that important. And just when I start to do that, I snap myself out of it, because I don't think I should be having those mournful sad thoughts.

I started meditating with some podcasts that I found online. The Sterns (no, not Howard) have a good variety that is really relaxing. They use bi-something or another beats, which are deeper tones that enhance relaxation through the brain waves. The meditations are guided, and they really help me relax and focus. I did their "Transformational Breath Healing - Part 1" last night - and it was an INTENSE experience. I hated every minute of it, but I can't wait to do it again.

Most would think it's a bunch of hogwash, but after doing the exercise, and experiencing intense emotions as I did it, I did more research about it. Judith Kravitz (I think that's her name) is the woman who did most of the research and founded a society that teaches people how to do it, and offers workshops. There's a video on her website that explains and shows more detail of what the experience looks like. Basically it's a breathing cleanse - in the sense of any pent up emotions that have been buried and living in your subconscious come up and out during the breathing.

The breath is almost like a pant, and the Sterns demonstrate that when listening to the podcast. But as I continuously did this exercise, I started to feel a variety of things. Light-headedness is natural, and I didn't pass out. But, I started to feel incredibly cold sensations all over my body, I got chills, and then I started to feel anxiety, anger, and sadness. I kept focusing on my breathing to help me work through it, and even though my body wanted to cry - as I focused on the breathing the tears actually didn't come. My arms started waving at one point, and I kept putting my hands through my hair. It was INSANE, as I just impulsively did these actions. When watching the video, those folks going through this have incredible physical reactions - kicking their feet, crying, screaming - and it's compulsive.

I felt so much better afterwards - like I've let so much go. I feel so happy and connected now, something I haven't felt in a while. I put my new necklace on this morning from my coworker - it says, "Live the life you love, love the life you live." I'm starting to feel ALIVE again! THANK GOD!