I love vacation!

I just got back from the most wonderful, relaxing week of vacation that I have had in a very long time. My trip started with taking my mother to Miami on July 3 and leaving on NCL's Sky for Nassau and their private island over the 4th of July holiday. The weather and the water were wonderful. I got to swim with a sea lion named Kalika who I fell in love with.

I got back on Monday, was mopey on Tuesday, and then left Wednesday to be with Sam in Texas for his birthday. What a wonderful rest of the week that was. Gosh I love that man, as he knew I was stressed and needed a break. I laughed, goofed around, drank a lot, relaxed on a lazy river, took a bunch of pictures, met his family and friends, and just detoxed all of the stress from my body. I'm actually going through withdraw this evening. I didn't think of my emotional stress life while I was there, or any of the temper tantrums that I have been throwing about growing up and figuring myself out. Actually, it completely slipped my mind until I started thinking about coming home yesterday. I didn't want it to end. But Sam always has that effect on me, he inspires me to forgot and just enjoy the moment. I admire him for that so much, as I often worry about the future and forgot to enjoy the present.

I started feeling the stress creep over me as the plane was touching down in Baltimore. Seeing my mom brought most of it back, as I remembered a lot of what was going on before I left. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but as I've been journaling in my private journal, sometimes I just want to run away. Not from her, and I don't mean that as it sounded, but she just reminded me of all the pressures and life that I escaped from for a week while on vacation. It was like having a personal greeting right at the airport.

I keep trying to figure out what I want in life, and I keep envisioning sitting on a boulder by the sea, dressed in all white, my hair blowing in the breeze as I mediate and pray. In that place, over-looking the topaz sea, I don't have to be anyone to anybody, I don't have to have a plan, I don't have to answer to anyone or anything, and I can just sit there all day, eating avocado, olives, bread, and cheese, and be. That's my heaven, a place without pressure. But then I realize that the only one putting pressure on me is me, so am I really trying to run from myself? I just want to have fun all the time. I'm so out of balance with life. But then I'm reminded that being an adult isn't about fun, it's about responsibility and making money to have fun. But I'm not taking time to enjoy the money that I'm making. Buying shoes isn't the same thing. I can't wait until this stage is over, I just have to sit in it and let it figure itself out. But fun is needed...