Much needed...

I had such a fun weekend. Class was horribly boring, as I'm not into financial statements at all. I felt like falling asleep for most of it, or rolling around on the floor. I was bad, as I started a classmate on the fit of giggles during the lecture because I leaned over and whispered that I feel like rolling around on the floor. I also went on to say that the professor will probably just step over me and keep lecturing. Boy does he like to hear himself talk! It entertained me at least!

I had an awesome weekend with April. We went out Friday night and had a great dinner at an outdoor cafe, then hit up two bars. One was a beer bar, which had over 300 different varieties of beer. I had a really good pale German, and she had a red. Then we wandered to another bar and just had fun being out! I was trying to talk her into doing a shot with me, but she doesn't do liquor. Saturday night we went out with a bunch of people from class, and that felt awesome too. I was sharing my need for fun and friends, and it was amazing to see that they were all in the same boat that I am. They are just as stressed and need to have fun too. It's not just me! We all feel like we are holding on until something better comes along. But our social lives should never take a back bench to the professional life. We made a deal to start seeing each other on a regular basis and just hang out. We are even having a slumber party in August when we get together, we just need that time together!

That's what has been missing in my life for awhile. Girlfriends. I have some now, and I love them, but my life isn't in their same place. What do you do with a single woman who wants to go out all the time, when you have responsibilities with the new family you are starting? So I would go online and meet men, because that is what I thought I needed. If I had one too, then I wouldn't be lonely. But the truth is, all I ever found were guy friends. Guys who I turned into friends, because that is really what I needed. Someone to call and chat, and someone go out with. But I realized this weekend that I have them in my classmates, they were just waiting for me to reach out with them and connect. I'm not alone, I'm not by myself, and I have them. I just need to have fun - it's so important to me right now.

I've also been evaluating who I want to be. I think I got depressed because I felt trapped. I looked at my life and said, "Is this all there is forever?" And freaked out. I'm not meant to live in Middle River, working 7 mins away, in a job listening to other people's problems, living with my mom, and having small amounts of adventure every few months. My life isn't supposed to be this way - so I'm starting to plan what that should be.

I'm going to hold out until I graduate. That degree is so important to me. But I'm planning what is going to happen the day after graduation. I'm probably going to move - right now it's a toss up between a beach city and a major city - like New York or Boston. I want to work internationally, for a company that lets me travel. My roots are always in Baltimore, but I can have so much more, so why should I settle? Really, what is here for me? I don't have to settle and be what everyone thinks I should be - I can have the wonderful life that I want.