Really long time!

Okay, it's been almost 6 years since I've written anything! I had forgotten about this blog until I was on ravelry looking for patterns and checked out my profile.  It was connected to this blog and I was reminded about how regularly I used to write.

I feel like I have to add some closure on this site, since I left the reader wondering what happened.  So here's the highlights:

- Johnny and I did take that cruise... one of many vacations together. He proposed January 2, 2011, and we got married May 5, 2012! WOOO HOOO We are still in so much love! January of 2012 our house was finished, we were fortunate enough to go with a builder and have a custom house.  So, next week we will be in our house for 4 years.  It's big and party worthy - I love hosting the big family parties.

- I'm still with the new job, well, it's been 5.5 years, so I wouldn't call it new.  I love it!  Over the last six years I've had 2 changes in leadership, had a team of 6, to a team of 2, to just me.  That's right, I'm now an only in my company.  I'm the only one who does what I do, and that gives me an interesting perspective in many different ways.

- We just adopted a dog in September - a 2.5 year old collie/shepherd/beagle mix.  We really aren't sure what he is, but google shepherd/beagle mix and you get a general idea! He was a rescue, and we are learning all of his quirks.  His name is Rusty and in our eyes he's the best dog ever! He's incredibly sweet, completely home trained, and loves to snuggle... we are still working on walking on a leash when other dogs are on leash.  He just wants to play and finds it hard to focus!

- Johnny and I are trying to have children... it's a work in progress - as my doctor told me that to be most successful I have to lose more weight.  My health is something I talked about a lot and I've been yo-yoing up and down over the last 6 years.  At one point I was down, then I gained it all back, and went down again.  The never ending story! And during that time Johnny and I discovered juicing.  I lost about 40lbs doing that, but once I stopped it came back.  I'm on the downward cycle again, especially now since we have the dog.  I've been tracking my mileage and I do approximately 3 miles a day just walking the dog.  I love it!

- My mental health is awesome! I stopped taking the anxiety meds a couple of months after my wedding - and I haven't needed them since.  It seemed that as soon as I moved out of my mother's house, my life changed - for the better.  The women in my family hold a lot of anxiety within them, and I think it was having a subconscious effect on me.  Yes I went through a lot of self discovery to get to this place - but knock on wood - I haven't had an incident.  Wooo hooo!  I see the patterns in other people now, and I'm working on a book that may help others get to this place.

- I did graduate from my master's program.  Long story short I wrote my practicum at the last minute; and that last minute writing was so excellent (grin) that I got an award of distinction for my work! Yes! What can I say, focused energy with a limited amount of time works for me.  It's a quirk!  I still see my girlfriends from there, actually Stephie and April were in my wedding, and other's were able to attend.  But like life, sometimes we grow apart.  I still talk to Stephanie regularly, and she's on a spiritual journey of her own!  Amazing learning! April moved to California, and she seems to be doing really well for herself! :)

- I've managed to reconnect closer with my family - for awhile the younger cousins and I created the "younger cousins club" and we tried to have dinner together almost once a month.  That idea was conceived during one of the many parties at our house.  However, life has changed - both of my younger cousins are married now, 1 with a 2 year old, and another with a baby due in May!  The babies call my mom "Gigi" because she's their Great-Great-Aunt - 2 Gs. Crazy to think about all of the generations.  My baby cousin Cody, unfortunately, decided to take an "out" on this lifetime about 3 years ago, and that has created a flux in our family dynamic that I don't think we will recover from.  A lot of healing is needed!

- I've reconnected with an old childhood friend, rekindling our best friendship.  Johnny and I are actually going to be godparents to her adorable son, B, and he is truly a blessing of the heart.  What a sweet baby! And I've grown apart from some other friends.... people I talked about regularly on here aren't necessarily close to me any more.  And such is life!  You live and grow! :) I think because Johnny and I moved about 45 minutes north of where I used to live, so lives just naturally move with the distance. 

- If you haven't checked out Sleep No More in NYC - do it!  Johnny and I have been 4 times, and still haven't seen the entire show... worth the money!

Anyway... I hope all of you are well out there in the blog world!  I know I had some faithful readers, so it would be interesting to hear from you - if I don't already follow your life on facebook.  Hopefully it won't be another 6 years before I write again! :)

Where did July go?

Welcome to August 2, with July leaving us so quickly, that I don't know where it went.

To catch the world of my blog up - I've been living the fun life with my boyfriend while trying to ignore my Practicum project. I also love my new job, and I spent a whole week working from home last week, which was AWESOME!

I have one class left in my masters program - August and September... my practicum is due in October, I take my test in November and I'm free! Well, until I decide to start my doctorate. heheh I know, I'm sick.

Mentally I've been doing well, still with the yoga, the breathing coach, loving-kindness meditation, and having fun as much as possible. Physically, not as good. I've been clenching my jaw, which is connected to my tight hips, hurting my ear in my TMJ. So I need more relaxation!

I'm taking Johnny on a weekend cruise in October for his birthday - I can't wait! With the new job I really don't have vacation time, so I can't wait for this one! It will be well worth it! :)

Already July!

Where does the time go?

So I've been working at my new job for a little over 2 weeks, and I love it. I love the mornings I can sleep in until 8, get up, make a fruit smoothie and then sit at my desk in my pjs and begin working! Its AWESOME! I don't like the drive when I have to go to Greenbelt... because its kinda stupid to just run down there for a meeting or so and then drive the whole hour back. But it works. I'm going to start looking into public transportation, as that may allow me to have more time to do work in my commute.

My practicum project is going... I had my second meeting with my client last night, and now I just need to write all the stuff. I have to still write my Statement of Intended Project, a Proposal, and a Contract. I am already a head with my client, working on data collection, but I'm trying to get these pieces off of my plate. I just need to find the time to do them. I had a paper due last weekend for a class, so now my evenings are more free to work on that.

I'm leaving in a little bit to go to NJ to spend the weekend with John. I was hoping that I could work from home on Monday as well, but it looks like I am going into Greenbelt for a meeting. I'll have to come home Sunday night instead... BOOOOOO! I hate these last minute meetings, they get in the way of my social life.

John and I are going out for our anniversary dinner this weekend. Last weekend was our 6th month, but since it was a holiday weekend we really didn't get any time to ourselves. He gave me a beautiful heart necklace that I've been wearing! I'm taking him to dinner... I'm thinking the Melting Pot! I love that place! :)

New Job

Day 2 of my new job.

I started working at Beacon officially yesterday, arriving early in the morning to meet with the Deputy of the department. He gave me my laptop, met with me for a bit, gave me my desk space there, and then sent me home to work for the rest of the day.

I am also working from home today, and its been great. I got up this morning, went to the gym, took a shower, made myself a fruit smoothie, and then began work. I watched some tv during my lunch break, and have been working on and off in my comfy clothes! I like working in shorts and a tank top.

I'll be back in the office tomorrow, meeting with the director for the first time. That's right, I haven't met the director of my department yet. I was hired over the phone, and am slowly putting all the pieces together of who is who.

I think I'm really going to like this! :)

Change, Change is Good!

So, when we last left this episode of Amy's life, I was freaking out about a lot of stuff and having anxiety. I gave in, called my doctor, and went back on my meds. They help me to not sit on something and dwell for hours, causing the anxiety. It is what it is, but I'm feeling 100% better.

With that... on Tuesday I got a call from an old colleague who had a job offer for me. I decided to follow up with that... and long story short - I have a new job. Officially today they sent me my offer letter. I'm going to work for an external consulting firm, doing government consultanting. I can't wait! My official start day is June 21! I get more money, and I get to work from home on days that I'm not at the client's location. I love this! I'm so excited!!!!!!!!

I had to resign to my boss today, which prompted me to begin writing my first book. I know, I'm weird, but its an idea that I've been mowing over for a long time. I want to write at least one book in my lifetime, its a good time to start now while everything is fresh!

I'm so happy! Also, for those following along on facebook - I have new pictures from my amazing weekend with Johnny! We got to spend 4 and 1/2 days together, and it was bliss. I miss him. I really am in love with him! :)

Biggest and Best Problem to Have

Time to spill my guts...

Things seem to happen to me at the same time. I was driving to NJ this weekend, and I was reminded of the date, and realized that this time last year started my downward spiral into anxiety. I had a moment of panic, and when I started thinking about what I have to be anxious about, a few different things showed up for me.

First, I'm stressed at work and not currently happy with what I'm doing. Actually, I checked this out with my coworkers, as I mentioned yesterday, and they all feel the same way. We all want to run away somewhere and not show up again. For each of us it is a struggle, and it is not something I carry alone. So I can check that off my list - I'm not going crazy because I don't want to be here. (That is one of the false statements I carry - I "should" be happy at my work all the time and enjoy what I do.)

(Before I go on, I feel like I have to give an explanation - as someone who never felt strong emotions before, when I do feel them, I think I'm going crazy, because I don't know what they are and what is causing them. People who have felt emotions all their life and learned to deal with them, don't have this problem. So I need people around me to keep telling me that I'm normal, and I'm supposed to feel this way.)

Second, I got what I wished for. As I mentioned in earlier posts, the Law of Attraction works. What you ask for and put out in the universe, and mediate on, and feel good vibes about, will be attracted to you. So back in October-November, I was putting out vibes to find my life partner. I did a lot of growing over the last summer months, a lot of determining who I am and wanted to be in life, lived through a lot of emotions and fear, and got to the other side where I felt ready. Now I have him, my Johnny, and I'm scared to death.

I did something I would not normally do with a guy I'm really interested in - I shared my inner self. I explained how stressed and anxious I was feeling about all of my work for school and my job, and how I was afraid that the stress would cause me to melt into anxiety again... I cried - for a good few hours, sharing all the things I worry about - and I basically let him into the wall that I've built around myself. He cried too. He first cried for me, then he cried for his own worries about his parents and their health. Then we decided that we needed to get out of bed, go do something fun, and stop laying there crying.

So here's the problem. I just realized this weekend that I am falling in love, I've let someone into the secret sanctuary of my inner-self, and now I'm scared to death. Why? Because this means I'm growing up, and my inner child is scared shitless about it. She's actually throwing a temper tantrum and wants to hide under the blankets until its all figured out and she doesn't have to deal with it. Growing up sucks. Because with it comes all sorts of responsibility.

I've also lived in the land of someday.... Someday I would fall in love, someday I would own a house, someday I would do this... and surprise - someday is here. And its scaring me to death. John and I talked about getting our own place next summer. (I also have "shoulds" about when it is too soon to talk about these sorts of things, and if relationships seem to be moving too fast - which I'm working against right now too. Entering into this conversation with him and entertaining the idea broke my "should" about this.) That means I have to move out of my house and actually become an adult, not the facade of an adult that I put on. I seem to be two people - the one at work is a total adult - hell, I teach other people how to be adults. Then there is this inner kid who isn't ready to leave her mommy. Then there is Mommy who doesn't want to let me go - because she likes to take care of people and this is the first time she won't have someone to take care of, and has no idea how to do that. (Those were her words last night when I was sharing this with her.) My initial reaction to this - my animal gut - tells me to run away. To go hide somewhere and not deal with it. Its all scary monsters and I need my teddy bear, my blanket, cheese or chocolate, a knitting project, and somewhere to hide where no one can find me.

My gut wants me to maintain status quo - where life doesn't move forward, and life is suspended in time - where none of these things have to happen. Yet that is not what life is. I'm at the biggest turning point and growth of my life - and it is scary as hell.

Most people go through this at a younger age, which leads to a judgement about myself being too old to feel this way and to grow up.

I think the theme of LOST is helpful here - I just need to "let go" and "let it happen" and enjoy it. Reframing is helpful, as this is something that everyone goes through - it is arrogant of me to think that no one has felt this way. But my other habit, my habit of impatience, wants me to have it NOW - and not wait. I'm always looking for the end result, and not too willing to let the ride happen. Example: I'm already looking for PhD programs - my next thing - before I'm even finished my MSOD. This external focus of satisfaction reminds me that I need to get in touch with my internal and spiritual self. That's where true happiness and joy are, not with more achievements. But my need for achievements are driven by my desire to be perfect. Then I question, since I never dated someone like John before, is he going to help or hinder my desire for achievements.

Ahhh... so there is my true learning. I'm too worried about being perfect and living the perfect life, that I am almost willing to run away from the "greatest love of all" and hide. But the truth is, with that kind of love, completeness will find me - and being whole and complete is the true mission in life, not perfection.

So what do I do with myself while my ego is trying to remove the idea of perfection? Because my ego fights it. I read a book once that mentioned that when you are growing and changing, your ego will fight you each step of the way - through fear and anxiety - because it doesn't like to grow and change. It wants to be in control. Like me, I like to be in control - and fear and anxiety mean that I'm not in control. But I can't control growth.

What a weekend!

So, I have to share that I did something I would never normally do in a relationship, I laid my emotions on the line and shared the turmoil that was going on inside of me. I basically had 9 days straight without a break, I have a two page list of things to do, and I just want to run away. I cried with him yesterday, just letting all of the stress go, and getting it out of my system. Actually, he's so sweet, that we both laid in bed, and cried all morning.

The truth is, I just want to run away with John... running away is a trigger to me that I am not having fun in what I'm doing right now. The enormity of the amount of work I have to do is staggering, and plus I am emotionally and mentally tired, which doesn't give me the energy to do anything to chip away at my list.

So now I need to find a way to have fun! I want to do fun things! :)

But I'm proud of myself for sharing... I'm working on letting it out, and not leaving it sucked inside of me. Being authentic is where I need to spend my energy. I don't have it together all the time, I can fail, I don't have to be perfect. I am human.

Looking for Something

I seem to be looking for something that will take my stress away. I would not normally call it stress, or rather if that is the right term to use... as what I am feeling is a weight upon my shoulders. A weight that looms over me and sucks my energy because I have to be constantly "on" and on top of things. Lori, at the team meeting yesterday, said that all of this structure makes her crazy - the idea that we have to plan out our vacations two years in advance because the schedule is so tight for the next 24 months that we can't deviate. Also, its a hassle to change things. Her example was that she can't go to NJ for Father's Day, because she has to be in the hotel room in DC getting ready for a 7am start in DC. I have to agree with her. When fun things come up on the weekend, I have to actually check to see what I'm doing on Monday, so I know where I have to be, and if I have to have a really early morning. I also can't easily go out at night and stay late, just because of the fact that some of my days have been starting before 5am. One would argue and say, "That's dumb, I go to work at 4am every morning..." Yes, that is true, but you aren't at work until 6pm at night. Working through lunch, and breaks, and constantly having to be on my toes leading 20 adults in learning - is taking a toll on my body.

So I'm looking for something to relax me. Some sort of healing art therapy to help me let go, and not feel the weight on my shoulders. I don't know if that exists. But I do know that I will see my boyfriend this weekend, so that is a start! :)

Where's Amy-do?

One could hope that I was on vacation for the last few days; however, that has not been the case. I've been doing so much that I need place to capture all this running around in my head... here's my running ToDo List:

Fun Stuff:

• Map directions to candlelight yoga in NJ on Friday night
• Purchase a gift for John's friend Sam for his birthday party this weekend
• Pack the yoga stuff for the weekend, as well as sunscreen for biking and a potential day at the beach
• Check out menu options and events to make sure that dinner is still on tonight with Sam
• Be in front of the TV at 7pm on Sunday night for the final eppi of LOST

School Stuff:

Part 1 - Leadership, Power, and Politics Class, due June 18:

• Prepare the case study given in class as an example for our final comps
• Create a coaching agreement with Svenja and schedule two more sessions with her over this 5 week period
• Begin research for our larger group project on Leadership Development in Organizations (celebrate because I do this for a living, which makes the project easier) and prepare a 60 minute presentation
• Read chapters from both books
• Read additional articles from blackboard
• Write a short reflection paper to be posted on blackboard about my coaching experiences as a coach to Svenja and being coached by her

Part 2 - Practicum Project:

• Write Statement of Intended Project (6-10 pages with sources) before I can begin contracting with client
• Follow-up with Client about dates to meet with the council and him to finalize the contract
• Write the contract and get signatures
• Begin the Proposal
• Coach Jackie

Part 3 - Studying for Comps in November:

• Begin to ID 1-2 theorists from each class taken in order to have a reserve for final comp exam in November

Work:

• Begin design of online training module for new Talent Manager technology, due at the end of May
• Continue to rotate facilitating 2 days a week, 8am-5:3pm, being the admin for 2 days a week, 6:30am-4pm, or providing tech training or support for 2-3 hours. I could be doing any of those at any given time during the week.
• Begin design of day 3 and 4 of the training

Taking Care of Me:

• Go to bed early each night, opposed to my normal 11pm time
• Drink plenty of fluids and immune boosters
• Eat lighter meals to keep up energy and not get sick
• Take the time for fun and relax
• Spend as much time as I can with Johnny

Ewk! My Allergies

I don't know what has bloomed in my area that is causing this reaction (I'll have to do some research) but I'm having a larger reaction than I normally do this time of year. Watery eyes, itchy and running nose, and the occasional sneezing just make me oh so very attractive! I'm HOT! hehe

I just laid down the gauntlet yesterday with my cohort. Over the stupidest decision in the world, going outside for Learning Community (LC). A group of us wanted to go outside when we were having that amazing weather in March during class weekend, and the entire group was convinced to go - after spending over 45 minutes talking about it - when someone then decided to throw out their personal need of not wearing the right clothes to go outside. This comment put the entire group at a stalemate, and we stayed inside. This cohort has a hard time balancing its personal individual needs with the group needs, with people throwing wrenches in at the last minute after the group made the decision, in order to get their own way. Considering that they wait until after the group makes the decision to give the opposite, it almost seems like a form of intentional sabotage. I'm not sure what that is about, but this gives me more indication of people that I don't want to work with after graduation. Anyway, for this weekend, the offer was sent to the group to go outside again, so I just cleanly and neatly stated that we should assume we are going outside because the 2 factors hindering us from last time are not there, and people have until Thursday to state an argument of why it would not benefit the entire group to go outside, opposed to their own personal needs. Considering that this weekend is a class in leadership, I also posed the question, "Isn't doing something for the benefit of the whole of the group a sign of leadership?" Damn, I'm good at delivering zingers when I need to. I'm sure I'll get my ass kicked for it, but someone had to do it. But that shows the maturity level of the group.

Feeling Good in the Neighborhood!

Feeling much better has me back in the office today! Yay! And I'm really excited that I am going to see my Johnny tonight! I can't wait - the weeks are so long and the weekends are so short!

The office is a flurry of energy this morning, as the entire team is here except for Carol! Its so funny, because when she isn't here we all wear "illegal" clothes. We each have jeans on, and Ashely and I have short skirts on - Carol would roll if she saw the length. Not that any of us look trashy, we are just comfy! hehe :) Glenda is even wearing flip-flops! hehe ;)

I have to run out and buy a present bag for my mom for her mom's day present! I got her a really neat necklace that she said she liked from Hallmark! yay! :) Then I may go to TacoBell for lunch... nommy!

Tomorrow is going to be a big day - I have a bridal shower to attend, and then we're going to a beer and wine tasting at my old college! I hope the weather stays nice and warm, but it seems to be calling for rain again. I don't get why it has to rain here every weekend that John and I are in town! It hasn't been each, but it has been for most! :)

I'm also going to do some reading for my homework! I am the admin 2 days next week, so that should give me plenty of time to read and catch up on my homework for the following class!

Once again...

After going through the same thing where I wake up in the middle of the night with stomach and gallbladder pain, based on over-eating at dinner the night before, and promising myself that I will not do this to myself - I do it again.

I had steak, veggies, mac&cheese, salad, and left over fried rice for dinner. The salad was a mozzarella and tomato, which is so yummy. I ate it all. What did me in was the helpings of mac&cheese and rice. Instead of one serving, I lost count. I was really hungry after my walk and I just kept filling my plate. Talking at the same time, telling mom stories of my day doesn't help. I eat slowly, but I'm not paying attention to my plate or my eating and I don't realize how much I've eaten until the bowls are clean. Then, later on, as I'm doing my early morning confessions now, I had a piece of left over birthday cake. I'm sure that didn't help.

I woke up with my stomach in pain about an hour and 30 minutes ago. Not to be gross, but I went to the bathroom, which didn't help, and felt like I needed to throw up. So I did. That took care of the stomach ache, but of course that doesn't fix the gallbladder attack. That is something that just needs to work off on its own. There isn't a position in the world that makes me comfortable. Its not an acute attack, and my doctor knows this happens to me when I over eat. Her advice - stop doing that. If habits were easier to break, I'd be rich. It feels like a dull ache on my right side, under my breast, and radiates to my back. I guess its like a tooth ache or a dull headache for those who haven't had this experience. All I end up doing is trying to wait it out, and not feel sorry for myself in the process. And actually, I wanted to cry about this, and I couldn't even pull out the tears - I did some fake crying to see if I could get myself to cry, and it didn't work.

To top it off, because I can't sleep right now, and I feel like throwing a temper tantrum, my legs are restless. I just paced back and forth by the side of my bed for a few minutes just burn off the energy. It didn't really help. And when I try to get myself in weird positions to stretch my legs, my gallbladder hurts more.

Did I mention my allergies? Oh yes, after my visit to David on Monday night, they kicked in fully. I don't know if my breathing loosened a few things that were stuck in side of me or what. He had his windows open, the scent of flowers were strong.... so I'm sure I inhaled a lot of pollen while doing my deep breaths that may be causing this. I've been using a saline solution to clean my nostrils, which seems to be helping... but my allergies are not helping me right now.

Geez, I can't win for trying. I just got up to go to the bathroom to pee, after finishing and using the toilet paper, I accidentally dug "myself" with my nail, and now I'm bleeding. They really should tie me to my bed, because it looks like its not going to be my day. I'm taking a mental and physical health day, and staying home from work. This is nuts!

To go back to the eating for a moment... I think I'm not eating enough during the day, which is causing me to eat a lot at night for dinner. Yesterday I had cantaloupe, blackberries and strawberries for breakfast with carrot juice. Then a banana, grapes, and for lunch a green small salad with roasted chicken and a plum. I also had a lot of water and hot green tea. Pretty healthy... then I get home and I'm like a vacuum. I also stress eat... and with everything I'm trying to balance right now, I'm stressed.

Sleep now?

I think the new policy should be that if you have two 10 hour days of training back to back - as the instructor - you should be able to take off the rest of the week... Or at least work the other 20 hours however you want for the rest of the week. But, here I sit, in my cube, arriving at 7:30am. And I want a nap.

Oh well - at least my boss is still on vacation, its quiet until about 9am when some of my other coworkers will roll-in, and I get to work on my homework. Yeah, despite all of this craziness with work, I'm also considered a full-time graduate student. I'm not only working on my practicum with an outside client, I also have a class to prepare for - and we were just told about a huge assignment due today. Luckily I have the time today to work on it, otherwise I would be working hard after work to try to get it finished. But, my actual classwork is over in August, and then I have 2 months to write my final practicum paper, as well as prepare for the comp exam in November! :) Yay

On to the homework... but I think I'm going to get some hot tea first, my allergies are drying me out at night.

Great birthday!

I really had a nice and relaxing birthday yesterday! I went to dinner with my mom to Kobe, and stuffed myself on shrimp, scallops, and steak - NOMMY! Fell into a food coma on the couch, and I'm back at work today - having an awesome quiet day because my boss is on vacation! Yay!

I was right! I am getting a bike from Johnny for my birthday! I'm so excited! I can't wait to go try it out! :) Its going to be so much fun! I'm now busy looking up biking trails to test out in NJ for Sunday. Hopefully the weather man is not lying and the weather is going to be as awesome as they are indicating!

Tonight I have a busy night. My goddaughter is making her confirmation - it was moved to this night because Bishop Borders died last week - and since I'm also the teacher, I have to be there. Which means we are going to be late to the bullroast and shrimp feast that we're going to. But it is better late than never. I actually invited a whole bunch of people to go, but only my friend Michelle and her husband Tony wanted to go, and responded. So they'll be there tonight as well! yay!

I also think we are going out to sushi today for lunch! NOM! :)

I can't wait to see Johnny! I'm so happy! I had a weird dream that he was wearing a 70s style tux and a long curly wig and he proposed to me for my birthday - WEIRD! hehe

I also have work to do today for my practicum project - I'm so excited for it! I actually have to email my client and get on the ball with that! :) Yay! :)

It's My BIRTHDAY!!!!

I just noticed that I need to change my profile information on my blog, I'm no longer in my late 20s... I'm in my early 30s! Today is my 31st Birthday! WOOT!
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I'm having a much better reaction to this one than my 30th - that one hit me hard! But I'm keeping it really low key today. To be honest, I hate throwing birthday parties for myself, because it just seems very vain... but to each their own! Tonight I'm going out to dinner with my mom, and then I'm spending the weekend with Johnny. I still don't know what he got me for my bday, but I think I have a good guess - we'll see if it comes true! (I'm guessing Bike.)

My coworkers were sweet, with the most awesome strawberry shortcake from the local yummy bakery... I'm also going out to lunch with 2 of my coworkers. My birthday present to myself was getting my car worked on and detailed. That thing hasn't been cleaned in over a year, so it was worth it! yay! :)

Well... here's to another year of life! Thank God! And definitely to living in the moment!

Back at my Desk

I never thought I'd be so happy to see my desk in my cube. I guess its because I know that I'm working a normal schedule and not the crazy one I've been working. Its just the second week of the roll-out and I'm already tired. I think it has to do with being there for over 12 hours each day. I think I will be fine if I'm the one actually doing the training, and not just observing. To sit in the back of a classroom and just watch is as boring as anything. The facilitators try to include me, as I wrote the material, and they defer to me on some points that they may not know the answers to... but still. Going forward I will actually be the one teaching, so I should have more energy around that. Its hard to be "on" for 12 hours, teaching from 8am-5:30pm, but with set-up and clean-up, it easily gets to 12 hours, for 2 days in a row. I at least get a resume boost for this.

Anyway, on another note... Tomorrow is my Birthday! :) Where in the world has this year gone? It felt like yesterday I was having anxiety attacks about life and turning 30... yet now I feel like I've been through a rebirth and I finally have my priorities straight. I know who I am, or at least I know more about myself, and I'm getting better with managing my boundaries. I'm not having a huge blow-out party like I did last year. I just really don't have any energy for it - as there hasn't been time for me to really plan anything. Actually, I'm not having a party at all. Mom is taking me to dinner on Thursday night, John is coming down on Friday and we are going to a Bull roast/Shrimp Feast, and then we are heading back up to NJ on Saturday morning for a birthday party for his niece and nephew. I get my present from John on Saturday, which I still don't know what it is. I'm supposed to be getting a hint in the mail any day now, but I haven't gotten it yet! I'm feeling low-key this year... don't get me wrong, I love my birthday and I love to party, but I just really don't want to plan my own party. hehehe I'll show up if someone wants to have one for me.

I'm also challenging some of my facebook friends, and John and I made a pact, to lose 10lbs by the end of June. I think if we take it in chunks, it will work. I've gained 17lbs since December. That sucks. I was actually down to a smaller size, and now that size is a little tight on me. I want to be there again! Plus I have more to lose. But I think stress at work has incensed me to make choices that weren't very healthy. Being mentally tired after being brow-beaten all day just urges me to want to eat and not exercise. But its a new day, and a new outlook on life!

What a Week

I knew this week was going to be crazy going into it, but not as much as it actually happened. As a department policy, the consultants have to observe a leadership class two times before facilitating it. I was doing my first observation on Monday and Tuesday of this week, when Murphy's Law took over. The vendor facilitator from Towers Watson was sick, didn't call his backup, so I had to step in. Luckily for all those involved I actually wrote 2 sections of the training, so this rule didn't magically apply to me, and it went off without a hitch. But I almost fell over when I was told that I was stepping in. I didn't prep for that, so they found me a cubby to do some quick studying before I went in to teach it. Then I had a different class that I didn't prep for to teach this morning, because I was so busy trying to keep ahead of the 2 day one I got thrown into. Luckily I pulled that one off without a hitch too... but CRAZY.

I'm finally back at my cube, and I'm counting down to 4pm when I leave for the day. At that point I have to go buy a Marc train ticket, because I will be spending the day in DC observing some more tomorrow, and doing my training to be an admin when I have to fill in for that. Why is it that I have 4 jobs to play in this whole thing, when most only have 2? I'm tired.

Thank goodness for Yoga tonight and then my weekend with John. I think we are going to do some hiking - I need the mental break to just relax and refocus.

Looking good

So here's something female that I noticed... when I have my period is when I actually look my best. I glow, my hair lays right, clothes fit me correctly, and my appearance seems to pull together well.... that lasts up until about 2 weeks before my period, and then I start to look a little more goofy then normal. hehe :) Hormones are a crazy thing.

Anyway, this week is going to be NUTS! I'm off site for the next four days, either observing a class or teaching a class, or learning how to do the admin duties on site for a fill-in for two classes. This week begins the craziness of the huge roll out of classes. We are training twice, sometimes 4 times a week until June. BUSY! I'm either in the classroom for 1 of 4 reasons... facilitating the entire 2 day leadership class, facilitating a 2 hour chunk on technology, assisting for a 2 hour chunk on the technology, or being the admin. Luckily the 4 things don't happen all on the same day, but I will have 4 different hats to wear. I'm also the back-up on a few days, so if anyone gets sick, I have to be ready at the drop of the hat to step-in and facilitate the 2 days of leadership training. I'm going to need a vacation for sure when this is all over! I'm also charged with taking my laptop home with me every night, so I can be ready to go at a moment's notice. I'm definitely living for the break on the weekends.

Friday Field Trip

So apparently the team decided to finish all of the binders yesterday so I can go on the field trip today and not have a reason to stay behind! Yay! :) I love my team. Its relevant that I go, as I'm going to be observing and doing training there next week, but Carol doesn't like me too far out of her sight, because she needs someone here to make changes to things when she dreams up new ideas for how the binders should be. She did that last night. She didn't like one paper in the side front pocket, and waited until we had almost all of them done before telling us she wanted it in a different pocket.... so we had to switch them out. Really? Does it matter? The participants are going to move everything around anyway when they get their binders. Geez! ANAL MUCH?

Anyway, Johnny is coming down tonight and I can't wait to see him. It feels like its been weeks, although it's just been since last Sunday morning. I had to leave early to go teach Confirmation, but we get a 2 full days and 2 nights together this weekend... we should be getting that time together more often since Confirmation is over after Thursday night and I don't have to leave early anymore. Plus with it being daylight longer, no worries! :) I love my Johnny... he's so sweet and loving! :)

I've already started planning things to do this weekend, and I think I'm going to take him to the Visionary Art Museum, since we both haven't been there. Then off to dinner in Hampden to meet my friend Stacey and her boyfriend. Yay! :) That will be fun, I'm glad Stacey will get to meet him. She's my first non-school friend that gets to meet him. If the weather plays along, we may take short hike on Sunday - I got a whole bunch of trail books for John and I to explore from the library.

Storybook Land

I loved the Enchanted Forrest when I was a child, which was located off of 40 West in Maryland. It was a play ground with some rides (if I recall correctly - I get confused with the one in PA sometimes) where you can climb on things that were characters from rhymes. For instance, the Old Woman in the Shoe was a slide, etc... I was looking for things to do in NJ with John, and I stumbled upon Storybook Land in Egg Harbor, which is very similar. Actually, the last one I've been to was in New Orleans before the hurricane when I was visiting Brian. They had one in their city park, and we walked through it while visiting the holiday light display. It just reminds me of a different time in my life, when everything was so full of magic. I think John's nieces would love it! Plus I get an excuse to go and ride the rides, as I'm the adult with them! hehe

I'm really excited about him coming down this weekend. I'm going to take him around to a few different places to visit, and I'm looking for a non-hot yoga class that fits into our time-table. We had the hot yoga experience on Saturday and it did not go over well... it was just WAY too hot. I think that was more of a Birkam style, which is intense. hehe