doing the right thing

I was talking to my friend Stephanie today via email and she and I uncovered another theme that I keep replaying. Actually it goes with the "last cupcake" piece, but I was just reminded of it again.

I told her that I have to do the right thing because otherwise I feel childish and bratty. She reminded me that I need to do the right thing, but only if it is the right thing by me. The universe would be much happier if I stopped enabling behavior to continue. She's right. She said that she doesn't mean living out every whim, but she means the right things that I need to do to maintain a healthy balance for me.

I think I struggle with that in the negotiation piece when someone is opposing me. I can be a true Taurus Stubborn Bull, but for the most part I'm not. If someone wants to go left, and I want to go right, I always end up going left. That doesn't seem so stubborn, does it? When someone reminds me to stand up for myself, I do, and the other person ends up saying that I'm being hurtful and I feel guilty. I think some people know that about me, and use it to their advantage, including family members. What that leaves me with are a lot of experiences where I am independently making myself happy and I'm making everyone else happy in the process to keep the peace. I stopped caring about and sharing what I wanted, because I never felt the exterior world could provide it for me. Only I can make myself happy.

Therapists spend years trying to get patients to the statement that I just said, i.e. Only I can make myself happy. But for some reason I don't think it has the same meaning for me. I think the therapist needs to help me include others and to form healthy attachments with a balanced emotional mix. Most often I become the caretaker in the relationship, or the "Wounded Warrior."

I was reading more about the "Wounded Warrior" archetype, I found this interesting:

Who is the Wounded Warrior?
The Wounded Warrior is powerful, independent, self-reliant and successful -- because you have to be. Yet, you resent all of the responsibility and obligation that goes with your role. You are the only one around who can get things done, and get things done fast enough and perfectly enough.
You are bitter (at least inwardly) toward men, who you believe get all the breaks, but do little of the real work. You see men as the weaker sex, responding emotionally and acting illogically, when they act at all.
Long ago, you let go of the fantasy of a knight in shining armor or Prince Charming. You are bitter, angry and sometimes even cutting in your dealings with men. You may consciously or passive-aggressively seek revenge against the male transgressors in this patriarchal society.
You respect other female Warriors, yet have no tolerance for “weaker” females who don’t carry the Warrior’s sword. You are, or were, a good wife and good a mother, protecting and providing for you family. Yet you express even these roles through the stance of a warrior.
You are tired of fighting. You displayed your battle wounds proudly in the past, but have now grown bored with conquest. Your armor is heavy and you long to remove it for good. You long for the Goddess within you; yet believe you couldn’t survive without your Warrior’s sword. Let me introduce you to -- the power of the Goddess.

How Did You Become a Warrior?
There are several possibilities. You may have grown up feeling that your father did not provide the required safety and protection. Maybe your father was absent emotionally or physically. Or maybe you had a father who expressed mostly the feminine energy, not modeling a mature male archetype. You may have modeled yourself after your mother or other influential female who was a Warrior. You may feel betrayed or abandoned by one or both of your parents. You may feel you need to play the role of a male and be the provider and protector of your family. You may have decided that you needed to develop warrior-like qualities to survive in the business world.
Whatever the reason, you put on your armor and you fight. You fight for yourself, your family, your job, recognition and validation. You accumulate wounds, battle scars and conquests too. Your ego is over-taxed and your soul cries out for retirement.

How Does the Soul Use the Law of Attraction?
The reason you encounter hurtful situations is because of the hurtful energy that is stored inside your DNA. Your soul it is always seeking to bring you back to health and joy. It tries to release hidden and suppressed energy. It uses the Law of Attraction (like attracts like) to magnetize the people and situations that will trigger the opportunity for release.
That’s why, as a wounded female warrior, you attract wounded men. They trigger you and give you the opportunity to clear and release this stored energy. Yet, you rarely take the opportunity because you just don't know how. Based on my experience, you CAN clear the hurtful energy in the DNA. And when you do, you begin moving through your life without the hurtful cellular memory. Your ego’s job is much easier because there is no hurtful energy to be released – you are not drawing hurtful situations anymore. When you move into a new situation and your ego scans for hurtful memories, it can’t find any. So your ego allows you to move into new experiences with no limitations.

How to Recognize a Goddess
The Goddess has let go of all that is not divine. She enjoys and expresses her femininity with courage. She finds that both men and women are easier to work and play with than ever before. She has let go of her suppressed feelings of betrayal and abandonment and radiates the energy of trust. So others open up, let down their walls and she draws out the trustworthiness and integrity in them.
She treats others with understanding and kindness. Yet she is discerning and knows how to draw boundaries when appropriate. She speaks the truth, from her heart, with respect, honoring the feelings of others.
The Goddess carries a particular energy, a higher, faster vibration in her electromagnetic field. She has created an environment in her body that magnetizes more refined Divine energies. Her body becomes a radio tower that grounds the celestial energies of profound compassion and joy into the Earth and then radiates it outward in all directions.
There are many aspects of the Goddess. She can be like Isis, expressing the Creator Mother aspect. She can express Aphrodite; the loving, sensual and sexual playmate aspect. She can express Kahli, the destroyer of that which no longer serves. She can express a Warrior Goddess, the protector that knows how to draw and protect boundaries. The difference is now that she is healed and whole, she can call upon whatever aspect of the Goddess best serves her in any moment. She is no longer limited to only acting out the part of the Wounded Warrior.
She radiates the energy of Sacred Union within herself, then the Law of Attraction operates to magnetize others who are of the same energy and consciousness. Soon she finds herself surrounded by Gods and Goddesses – all living harmoniously in Paradise on Earth they created from their balanced energies of Divine Love, Divine Wisdom and Divine Power.