Grasping

I've been reading about the concept of "grasping" in my Buddhist books and it is a very intriguing thought. Basically need becomes so great that you "grasp" onto things, trying to not let them go. Often people grasp on to other people or objects, and I think that's how in extreme cases OCD results.

Although I am still doing my loving-kindness mediation, and am noticing the attention that I am getting from the guys I am attracting, I'm no longer grasping. I'm no longer, with force, trying to make something work so I don't lose it. Its liberating. I just keep focusing on me, and what I want, and if they want to reach out and engage me, I engage back, but I leave it up to them. It just feels much more healthier this way.

I also like my "Amy" time. I like being by myself and relaxing. I enjoy going into my head now and meditating, opposed to always having to entertain myself before. I'm comfortable in my own skin again. And that feels so good. I feel like I'm back to who I was 5 years ago, and that is a good thing.