I did some more thinking last night at the gym, and I talked to my mom about it. And after thinking about the guys I used to be interested in, I concluded that none of them were emotionally available to me. To me, that means that they were safe, and I didn't have to worry about being hurt. I think going in to the relationships, I never thought they would last, but I did always get my feelings hurt when they hurt me.
The guy I'm going out with tonight is totally available. And he tells me that he's interested, and attracted, and its not some stupid game with him. I like it. But I'm not really sure what to do with that, I've never been in this situation before. Prior, I always felt like I was doing the chasing, and had to be a great saleswoman of why they should spend time for me. I had to work for their attention... this time, its freely given. And its sweet, and genuine.
It scares me a little, because I don't have a script or a role of behavior to play - but love can be scary. I haven't met him yet, so I'm reserving judgements until after our date tonight, but its a new pond of fish to be in when someone is so open to you.
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