Peace

"Peace is flowing like a river, flowing out of you and me... flowing out into the the desert, setting all the captives free."

I finally feel resolved. I laid my cards on the table last night with Sam, and he did the same. I do not like having relationships out in the wind dangling, so it was good for us to find closure. We are going to be friends, and I'm looking forward to seeing how we grow in our own lives because of it.

The Metta practice and the Forgiveness practice has been really helpful to me. I keep talking about the joy I feel inside, and I think it is something that is starting to shine through my eyes and out of my skin. I have not found enlightenment, but I have found something that naturally resides in me that has been hidden for the last 6 years. It really started with me when I was hurt by my friend Brian. I felt betrayed and used, which I shared with him then, and never really got over that. We still talk monthly now, and have for the last few years, and I no longer have that hurt that I had. It took me awhile to get over it, and I don't think I ever was, as I still had bitterness inside of me. I feel like it is finally gone.

I start working with my friend David next Monday as I help him complete his certification in the breathing practice. This is the same sort of exercise that brought up the intense emotions in me back in May, but I feel safe and guided to do it now. I want to get all the crap that I have been repressing out of me, and I think this is a good way. I have a support system in place to help me - my therapist, my family, my medical doctor, and my friends. I think the weight stays on me as a shield, and since I've been losing it, my tender insides have started to be exposed. But I'm ready to be out of this covering of fat to reveal my true self.

I also might do a charka healing. My friend Stephanie just did one, as she is helping one of her friend's get their certification in that practice, and claims that if felt amazing. She said that the practitioner spoke to her about some issues that she was facing, linked them to various charkas and she could actually feel her moving the energy and cleaning it out. At one point Stephanie felt that she was completely draining all of the repressed issues out of her, and now completely feels clean. She's taken to cleaning her house because she wants everything around her to be as clean as she feels. And she is spending a lot of time outside, healing with nature. Her husband is so sweet and supportive of her, and gives her the space needed to do that. I like that kind of support.