What a difference a week makes...

I guess it's natural after such a shock that my mood swings from confident and full of bravado, to questioning and unsure.

I went out to dinner with my mom tonight, something I normally do on Fridays, and I could only think about dinner out last Friday. Mom and I went to a local restaurant and were chatting about life and the upcoming things that were happening in mine and my ex's life.

I told her about his upcoming trip to Canada this past week, about how he mentioned last week that we were going to the beach over the summer. His new job, and what time he would be over the next day to take her out to lunch for her birthday. I was so happy and eager to see him, as I normally am when I hadn't seen him all week. I told her about the weekend before, when we were out to dinner with friends, and talking about life, and how we saw a sushi karaoke place, and I was trying to talk them into all going.

And tonight, as we sat at the table, I couldn't help but think about how my life completely changed in less than 24 hours.

I never claimed that he was normal, but usually if someone is at odds with the relationship, they'd start pushing you away. Or, they would ask for some space and time apart to think things through. Even a "I need some time alone to figure out my new job and what I need to do, and what I want out of the relationship." Or, if they are mature enough, they'd sit down and talk about their feelings, and what we could do as a team to sort them out. Unfortunately none of that happened.

I can't help but wonder if this is a repeat of his last breakup. From the side of the story I heard, work asked him to stand up and show what he was made of, and he was never challenged like that before. He got upset, and through some sort of logic prevailed, he went home and broke up with his then girlfriend. I don't know, it just seems to me that it wasn't going to end this fast and this way. I just think he wants to focus so much on his career, because that is what makes him the happiest. He wants the love and companionship of a relationship, but doesn't know how to find that balance.

But life is all about balance, not about depriving yourself of something for the sake of something else. Yet, again, I go back to my first comment that I made to myself after all of this happened, "I can't make someone love me who doesn't want to."

I tried my hardest to never pressure him for more than he was willing to give. But, I thought he was with me every step of the way. However, I can't solve a problem unless I know about it.

My "in the moment" lesson for this evening is to enjoy every moment you have with someone, because you never know when it will all be taken away.