Enlightenment

I've been drawn to a lot of Buddhist thought recently, especially on the teachings of enlightenment. I think it stems from the need to feel completely connected within my body, and that connection radiates out to the entire world. I'm not turning away from my Catholic faith, but I seek to enhance it to fully experience myself in my body.

That sounds weird, but I get so trapped in my head that I often am unaware of what is happening around me, or what is going on within my body. The way I'm sitting, the breathing that I am doing and how shallow it is, the rapid ringing of my hands when I'm thinking or nervous, my posture when I'm standing... all of those things escape my attention. I seem to only notice things that are in front of my face and that I draw attention to. Even on the physical level, I can walk into the house and not notice the curtains changed unless I have to interact with them. It seems contrary, as I am very observant in things that I am interested in... which I think comes more of an intuitiveness that something is different, opposed to an actual visual understanding of what changed.

I read The Power of Now and am in the process of reading Touching Enlightenment which has had a profound effect on me. No, I wouldn't call it a self-help book, either of them. They are both about experiencing the present within the body and not searching for it among the past or the future. Touching Enlightenment has really been insightful, as it has helped me work through the natural emotions that I am feeling and highlights the stages of change. The fall into what feels like insanity as your body forces you to face the reality that you are not on the right path and need to readjust the way of life you are living is described in detail. I felt that way when I had my emotional reaction to stress and the meditation. That I was losing my mind and it was terrifying.

It is remarkable to me that humans experience this, yet rarely speak of it. It is so private inside, yet speaking about it gets it out. I find that writing about it helps me to process it so its not in my head. Its my extroverted way of thinking.

I've been reading more about the idea of Somatic Meditation, which Touching Enlightenment highlights. Its the idea of meditating with the entire body, and using sensation and feelings to release the build up of emotion that is capture inside. Its truly about escaping into the body, the darkness that is inside, and fully understanding Jung's shadow that may reside in us. I've studied Jung in school, but this book adds an insight to the shadow that is expanded from his theory. The idea that every person we meet, every experience that we have is brought to us on purpose. Its the karma trapped inside of us from unlived experiences that need to be lived... or from past experiences that have never been resolved. I also like the thought that we so strongly focus on the mental image or concept of something that we never see it in its entirety. We limit ourselves by not fully experiencing and rationalizing the experience. It is not until we let go of how we want things to be, that they can start to be as they should. That's pretty simple, yet powerful stuff.