is love a losing game?

I brought my ipod to work today, and instead of helping me focus, it's been making me ADD. It's almost as if I'm drunk, and just saying things that pop into my head, having an almost out-loud stream of conscious monologue that I've been sucking my google talk friends into.

I'm currently listening to Amy Winehouse, and I normally stick to the 1st three songs on her CD, as they are my favorite. She also sings my all-time favorite line in musical history, "What kind of f*uckery are we? Now-a-days you don't mean d*ick to me!" in the song Me and Mr. Jones. But as I've been working on things at work, and chatting with people, I've been letting her CD play all the way through.

I'm struck by her song "Love is a Losing Game" and how love was profound until the chips were down, then love became a losing hand with a gambling man. "Back to Black" is also great, "me and my head held high, my tears dry, get on without my guy. You went back to what you knew, so far removed from all that we went through. And I took a troubled track, my arms are stacked, I go back to black. We only said goodbye with words, I died a hundred times. You go back to her, and I go back to black."

Although I didn't turn to a life of despair in drugs and alcohol after my breakup, I can still find a kinship in the words of her pain. All of this just seems to be a case study in human nature for me. I look at each emotion with wonder and awe, and in my infinite curiosity examine it for all that it may offer.

I think this is where I get myself in trouble, because I look at situations from all angles, looking for any possible meaning that could exist outside of the norm. Freud and I would have gotten along famously, but so far I haven't been wrong. Some may deny when I bring the true intention behind the action to the surface, but I usually find that I'm too close to the truth for comfort. A truth they aren't willing to admit, or one they keep hidden deep inside.

The truth inside of myself, that guides me, is the need for love and acceptance. Those are basic human needs, but I have a far-reaching empathy which craves it more than others. But, I'm educated, knowledgeable, and wise - so I know that the only person who really needs to love and accept myself is me. I already do, but I like the extra cushion of love around me.