weight on my shoulders...

I just got weighed-in this morning, and I lost 1 pound exactly from last week! So that is 7lbs since I started. I think my weight loss is going to be slower this week then the others, as they all porked out the weekend we started the contest. Hopefully the playing field will even out. But I'm just so excited!

I think I've been losing inches more than anything, as my pants are fitting me differently and my midsection is sliding in. I only got a chance to go to the gym twice last week, but I did go bowling for 4 hours on Saturday night and mowed the lawn last night. But I will do better this week... although, I have bowling tonight, and a meeting tomorrow night, so I won't be able to get to the gym until Thursday... but I'll have all weekend to catch up.

As for the other weight on my shoulders, I've been thinking about a book I read back in my single days before I met my recent ex. Relationships always intrigue me, as human dynamics are so very interesting. I used to read books on body language, flirting, relationship dynamics, etc. One that captured my attention was the book "He's Just Not Into You". It got a lot of hype during that time, but I didn't read it for that reason.

The basic concept of the book was about how to tell that a man wasn't really into you, and was just leading you on. What I found intersting is that women are in such need of validation, that they accept scraps of attention while making excuses for the man of why he can't give her more time. That book really opened my eyes to a lot of behavior that I was accepting from men in my life a few years ago. I quickly changed my attitude about it, and stop allowing that sort of behavior to continue. If you didn't have time for me, than I didn't have time for you - it was that easy.

Yet, the mighty still fall. For some odd reason I can be a "strong, screw you" type of woman with everyone else, defaulting to the logical side of my brain, yet with this one person I love the attention, even the scraps that I do get. No one should be too busy that they can't take the time out of their schedule to show love to those that matter most... yet I accept that every time and tell them it's okay.

I just don't get why I do that, even when I know it's not good for me. It just seems ironic to me that some people push away the ones that would love them the most, and run/chase after those that would love them the least. Then they need me to be there to validate and show them love, and build their ego back up - just to send them out in the world again and ignore me.

Maybe that is my life's curse... lol

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.