Where did July go?

Welcome to August 2, with July leaving us so quickly, that I don't know where it went.

To catch the world of my blog up - I've been living the fun life with my boyfriend while trying to ignore my Practicum project. I also love my new job, and I spent a whole week working from home last week, which was AWESOME!

I have one class left in my masters program - August and September... my practicum is due in October, I take my test in November and I'm free! Well, until I decide to start my doctorate. heheh I know, I'm sick.

Mentally I've been doing well, still with the yoga, the breathing coach, loving-kindness meditation, and having fun as much as possible. Physically, not as good. I've been clenching my jaw, which is connected to my tight hips, hurting my ear in my TMJ. So I need more relaxation!

I'm taking Johnny on a weekend cruise in October for his birthday - I can't wait! With the new job I really don't have vacation time, so I can't wait for this one! It will be well worth it! :)

Already July!

Where does the time go?

So I've been working at my new job for a little over 2 weeks, and I love it. I love the mornings I can sleep in until 8, get up, make a fruit smoothie and then sit at my desk in my pjs and begin working! Its AWESOME! I don't like the drive when I have to go to Greenbelt... because its kinda stupid to just run down there for a meeting or so and then drive the whole hour back. But it works. I'm going to start looking into public transportation, as that may allow me to have more time to do work in my commute.

My practicum project is going... I had my second meeting with my client last night, and now I just need to write all the stuff. I have to still write my Statement of Intended Project, a Proposal, and a Contract. I am already a head with my client, working on data collection, but I'm trying to get these pieces off of my plate. I just need to find the time to do them. I had a paper due last weekend for a class, so now my evenings are more free to work on that.

I'm leaving in a little bit to go to NJ to spend the weekend with John. I was hoping that I could work from home on Monday as well, but it looks like I am going into Greenbelt for a meeting. I'll have to come home Sunday night instead... BOOOOOO! I hate these last minute meetings, they get in the way of my social life.

John and I are going out for our anniversary dinner this weekend. Last weekend was our 6th month, but since it was a holiday weekend we really didn't get any time to ourselves. He gave me a beautiful heart necklace that I've been wearing! I'm taking him to dinner... I'm thinking the Melting Pot! I love that place! :)

New Job

Day 2 of my new job.

I started working at Beacon officially yesterday, arriving early in the morning to meet with the Deputy of the department. He gave me my laptop, met with me for a bit, gave me my desk space there, and then sent me home to work for the rest of the day.

I am also working from home today, and its been great. I got up this morning, went to the gym, took a shower, made myself a fruit smoothie, and then began work. I watched some tv during my lunch break, and have been working on and off in my comfy clothes! I like working in shorts and a tank top.

I'll be back in the office tomorrow, meeting with the director for the first time. That's right, I haven't met the director of my department yet. I was hired over the phone, and am slowly putting all the pieces together of who is who.

I think I'm really going to like this! :)

Change, Change is Good!

So, when we last left this episode of Amy's life, I was freaking out about a lot of stuff and having anxiety. I gave in, called my doctor, and went back on my meds. They help me to not sit on something and dwell for hours, causing the anxiety. It is what it is, but I'm feeling 100% better.

With that... on Tuesday I got a call from an old colleague who had a job offer for me. I decided to follow up with that... and long story short - I have a new job. Officially today they sent me my offer letter. I'm going to work for an external consulting firm, doing government consultanting. I can't wait! My official start day is June 21! I get more money, and I get to work from home on days that I'm not at the client's location. I love this! I'm so excited!!!!!!!!

I had to resign to my boss today, which prompted me to begin writing my first book. I know, I'm weird, but its an idea that I've been mowing over for a long time. I want to write at least one book in my lifetime, its a good time to start now while everything is fresh!

I'm so happy! Also, for those following along on facebook - I have new pictures from my amazing weekend with Johnny! We got to spend 4 and 1/2 days together, and it was bliss. I miss him. I really am in love with him! :)

Biggest and Best Problem to Have

Time to spill my guts...

Things seem to happen to me at the same time. I was driving to NJ this weekend, and I was reminded of the date, and realized that this time last year started my downward spiral into anxiety. I had a moment of panic, and when I started thinking about what I have to be anxious about, a few different things showed up for me.

First, I'm stressed at work and not currently happy with what I'm doing. Actually, I checked this out with my coworkers, as I mentioned yesterday, and they all feel the same way. We all want to run away somewhere and not show up again. For each of us it is a struggle, and it is not something I carry alone. So I can check that off my list - I'm not going crazy because I don't want to be here. (That is one of the false statements I carry - I "should" be happy at my work all the time and enjoy what I do.)

(Before I go on, I feel like I have to give an explanation - as someone who never felt strong emotions before, when I do feel them, I think I'm going crazy, because I don't know what they are and what is causing them. People who have felt emotions all their life and learned to deal with them, don't have this problem. So I need people around me to keep telling me that I'm normal, and I'm supposed to feel this way.)

Second, I got what I wished for. As I mentioned in earlier posts, the Law of Attraction works. What you ask for and put out in the universe, and mediate on, and feel good vibes about, will be attracted to you. So back in October-November, I was putting out vibes to find my life partner. I did a lot of growing over the last summer months, a lot of determining who I am and wanted to be in life, lived through a lot of emotions and fear, and got to the other side where I felt ready. Now I have him, my Johnny, and I'm scared to death.

I did something I would not normally do with a guy I'm really interested in - I shared my inner self. I explained how stressed and anxious I was feeling about all of my work for school and my job, and how I was afraid that the stress would cause me to melt into anxiety again... I cried - for a good few hours, sharing all the things I worry about - and I basically let him into the wall that I've built around myself. He cried too. He first cried for me, then he cried for his own worries about his parents and their health. Then we decided that we needed to get out of bed, go do something fun, and stop laying there crying.

So here's the problem. I just realized this weekend that I am falling in love, I've let someone into the secret sanctuary of my inner-self, and now I'm scared to death. Why? Because this means I'm growing up, and my inner child is scared shitless about it. She's actually throwing a temper tantrum and wants to hide under the blankets until its all figured out and she doesn't have to deal with it. Growing up sucks. Because with it comes all sorts of responsibility.

I've also lived in the land of someday.... Someday I would fall in love, someday I would own a house, someday I would do this... and surprise - someday is here. And its scaring me to death. John and I talked about getting our own place next summer. (I also have "shoulds" about when it is too soon to talk about these sorts of things, and if relationships seem to be moving too fast - which I'm working against right now too. Entering into this conversation with him and entertaining the idea broke my "should" about this.) That means I have to move out of my house and actually become an adult, not the facade of an adult that I put on. I seem to be two people - the one at work is a total adult - hell, I teach other people how to be adults. Then there is this inner kid who isn't ready to leave her mommy. Then there is Mommy who doesn't want to let me go - because she likes to take care of people and this is the first time she won't have someone to take care of, and has no idea how to do that. (Those were her words last night when I was sharing this with her.) My initial reaction to this - my animal gut - tells me to run away. To go hide somewhere and not deal with it. Its all scary monsters and I need my teddy bear, my blanket, cheese or chocolate, a knitting project, and somewhere to hide where no one can find me.

My gut wants me to maintain status quo - where life doesn't move forward, and life is suspended in time - where none of these things have to happen. Yet that is not what life is. I'm at the biggest turning point and growth of my life - and it is scary as hell.

Most people go through this at a younger age, which leads to a judgement about myself being too old to feel this way and to grow up.

I think the theme of LOST is helpful here - I just need to "let go" and "let it happen" and enjoy it. Reframing is helpful, as this is something that everyone goes through - it is arrogant of me to think that no one has felt this way. But my other habit, my habit of impatience, wants me to have it NOW - and not wait. I'm always looking for the end result, and not too willing to let the ride happen. Example: I'm already looking for PhD programs - my next thing - before I'm even finished my MSOD. This external focus of satisfaction reminds me that I need to get in touch with my internal and spiritual self. That's where true happiness and joy are, not with more achievements. But my need for achievements are driven by my desire to be perfect. Then I question, since I never dated someone like John before, is he going to help or hinder my desire for achievements.

Ahhh... so there is my true learning. I'm too worried about being perfect and living the perfect life, that I am almost willing to run away from the "greatest love of all" and hide. But the truth is, with that kind of love, completeness will find me - and being whole and complete is the true mission in life, not perfection.

So what do I do with myself while my ego is trying to remove the idea of perfection? Because my ego fights it. I read a book once that mentioned that when you are growing and changing, your ego will fight you each step of the way - through fear and anxiety - because it doesn't like to grow and change. It wants to be in control. Like me, I like to be in control - and fear and anxiety mean that I'm not in control. But I can't control growth.

What a weekend!

So, I have to share that I did something I would never normally do in a relationship, I laid my emotions on the line and shared the turmoil that was going on inside of me. I basically had 9 days straight without a break, I have a two page list of things to do, and I just want to run away. I cried with him yesterday, just letting all of the stress go, and getting it out of my system. Actually, he's so sweet, that we both laid in bed, and cried all morning.

The truth is, I just want to run away with John... running away is a trigger to me that I am not having fun in what I'm doing right now. The enormity of the amount of work I have to do is staggering, and plus I am emotionally and mentally tired, which doesn't give me the energy to do anything to chip away at my list.

So now I need to find a way to have fun! I want to do fun things! :)

But I'm proud of myself for sharing... I'm working on letting it out, and not leaving it sucked inside of me. Being authentic is where I need to spend my energy. I don't have it together all the time, I can fail, I don't have to be perfect. I am human.

Looking for Something

I seem to be looking for something that will take my stress away. I would not normally call it stress, or rather if that is the right term to use... as what I am feeling is a weight upon my shoulders. A weight that looms over me and sucks my energy because I have to be constantly "on" and on top of things. Lori, at the team meeting yesterday, said that all of this structure makes her crazy - the idea that we have to plan out our vacations two years in advance because the schedule is so tight for the next 24 months that we can't deviate. Also, its a hassle to change things. Her example was that she can't go to NJ for Father's Day, because she has to be in the hotel room in DC getting ready for a 7am start in DC. I have to agree with her. When fun things come up on the weekend, I have to actually check to see what I'm doing on Monday, so I know where I have to be, and if I have to have a really early morning. I also can't easily go out at night and stay late, just because of the fact that some of my days have been starting before 5am. One would argue and say, "That's dumb, I go to work at 4am every morning..." Yes, that is true, but you aren't at work until 6pm at night. Working through lunch, and breaks, and constantly having to be on my toes leading 20 adults in learning - is taking a toll on my body.

So I'm looking for something to relax me. Some sort of healing art therapy to help me let go, and not feel the weight on my shoulders. I don't know if that exists. But I do know that I will see my boyfriend this weekend, so that is a start! :)

Where's Amy-do?

One could hope that I was on vacation for the last few days; however, that has not been the case. I've been doing so much that I need place to capture all this running around in my head... here's my running ToDo List:

Fun Stuff:

• Map directions to candlelight yoga in NJ on Friday night
• Purchase a gift for John's friend Sam for his birthday party this weekend
• Pack the yoga stuff for the weekend, as well as sunscreen for biking and a potential day at the beach
• Check out menu options and events to make sure that dinner is still on tonight with Sam
• Be in front of the TV at 7pm on Sunday night for the final eppi of LOST

School Stuff:

Part 1 - Leadership, Power, and Politics Class, due June 18:

• Prepare the case study given in class as an example for our final comps
• Create a coaching agreement with Svenja and schedule two more sessions with her over this 5 week period
• Begin research for our larger group project on Leadership Development in Organizations (celebrate because I do this for a living, which makes the project easier) and prepare a 60 minute presentation
• Read chapters from both books
• Read additional articles from blackboard
• Write a short reflection paper to be posted on blackboard about my coaching experiences as a coach to Svenja and being coached by her

Part 2 - Practicum Project:

• Write Statement of Intended Project (6-10 pages with sources) before I can begin contracting with client
• Follow-up with Client about dates to meet with the council and him to finalize the contract
• Write the contract and get signatures
• Begin the Proposal
• Coach Jackie

Part 3 - Studying for Comps in November:

• Begin to ID 1-2 theorists from each class taken in order to have a reserve for final comp exam in November

Work:

• Begin design of online training module for new Talent Manager technology, due at the end of May
• Continue to rotate facilitating 2 days a week, 8am-5:3pm, being the admin for 2 days a week, 6:30am-4pm, or providing tech training or support for 2-3 hours. I could be doing any of those at any given time during the week.
• Begin design of day 3 and 4 of the training

Taking Care of Me:

• Go to bed early each night, opposed to my normal 11pm time
• Drink plenty of fluids and immune boosters
• Eat lighter meals to keep up energy and not get sick
• Take the time for fun and relax
• Spend as much time as I can with Johnny

Ewk! My Allergies

I don't know what has bloomed in my area that is causing this reaction (I'll have to do some research) but I'm having a larger reaction than I normally do this time of year. Watery eyes, itchy and running nose, and the occasional sneezing just make me oh so very attractive! I'm HOT! hehe

I just laid down the gauntlet yesterday with my cohort. Over the stupidest decision in the world, going outside for Learning Community (LC). A group of us wanted to go outside when we were having that amazing weather in March during class weekend, and the entire group was convinced to go - after spending over 45 minutes talking about it - when someone then decided to throw out their personal need of not wearing the right clothes to go outside. This comment put the entire group at a stalemate, and we stayed inside. This cohort has a hard time balancing its personal individual needs with the group needs, with people throwing wrenches in at the last minute after the group made the decision, in order to get their own way. Considering that they wait until after the group makes the decision to give the opposite, it almost seems like a form of intentional sabotage. I'm not sure what that is about, but this gives me more indication of people that I don't want to work with after graduation. Anyway, for this weekend, the offer was sent to the group to go outside again, so I just cleanly and neatly stated that we should assume we are going outside because the 2 factors hindering us from last time are not there, and people have until Thursday to state an argument of why it would not benefit the entire group to go outside, opposed to their own personal needs. Considering that this weekend is a class in leadership, I also posed the question, "Isn't doing something for the benefit of the whole of the group a sign of leadership?" Damn, I'm good at delivering zingers when I need to. I'm sure I'll get my ass kicked for it, but someone had to do it. But that shows the maturity level of the group.

Feeling Good in the Neighborhood!

Feeling much better has me back in the office today! Yay! And I'm really excited that I am going to see my Johnny tonight! I can't wait - the weeks are so long and the weekends are so short!

The office is a flurry of energy this morning, as the entire team is here except for Carol! Its so funny, because when she isn't here we all wear "illegal" clothes. We each have jeans on, and Ashely and I have short skirts on - Carol would roll if she saw the length. Not that any of us look trashy, we are just comfy! hehe :) Glenda is even wearing flip-flops! hehe ;)

I have to run out and buy a present bag for my mom for her mom's day present! I got her a really neat necklace that she said she liked from Hallmark! yay! :) Then I may go to TacoBell for lunch... nommy!

Tomorrow is going to be a big day - I have a bridal shower to attend, and then we're going to a beer and wine tasting at my old college! I hope the weather stays nice and warm, but it seems to be calling for rain again. I don't get why it has to rain here every weekend that John and I are in town! It hasn't been each, but it has been for most! :)

I'm also going to do some reading for my homework! I am the admin 2 days next week, so that should give me plenty of time to read and catch up on my homework for the following class!

Once again...

After going through the same thing where I wake up in the middle of the night with stomach and gallbladder pain, based on over-eating at dinner the night before, and promising myself that I will not do this to myself - I do it again.

I had steak, veggies, mac&cheese, salad, and left over fried rice for dinner. The salad was a mozzarella and tomato, which is so yummy. I ate it all. What did me in was the helpings of mac&cheese and rice. Instead of one serving, I lost count. I was really hungry after my walk and I just kept filling my plate. Talking at the same time, telling mom stories of my day doesn't help. I eat slowly, but I'm not paying attention to my plate or my eating and I don't realize how much I've eaten until the bowls are clean. Then, later on, as I'm doing my early morning confessions now, I had a piece of left over birthday cake. I'm sure that didn't help.

I woke up with my stomach in pain about an hour and 30 minutes ago. Not to be gross, but I went to the bathroom, which didn't help, and felt like I needed to throw up. So I did. That took care of the stomach ache, but of course that doesn't fix the gallbladder attack. That is something that just needs to work off on its own. There isn't a position in the world that makes me comfortable. Its not an acute attack, and my doctor knows this happens to me when I over eat. Her advice - stop doing that. If habits were easier to break, I'd be rich. It feels like a dull ache on my right side, under my breast, and radiates to my back. I guess its like a tooth ache or a dull headache for those who haven't had this experience. All I end up doing is trying to wait it out, and not feel sorry for myself in the process. And actually, I wanted to cry about this, and I couldn't even pull out the tears - I did some fake crying to see if I could get myself to cry, and it didn't work.

To top it off, because I can't sleep right now, and I feel like throwing a temper tantrum, my legs are restless. I just paced back and forth by the side of my bed for a few minutes just burn off the energy. It didn't really help. And when I try to get myself in weird positions to stretch my legs, my gallbladder hurts more.

Did I mention my allergies? Oh yes, after my visit to David on Monday night, they kicked in fully. I don't know if my breathing loosened a few things that were stuck in side of me or what. He had his windows open, the scent of flowers were strong.... so I'm sure I inhaled a lot of pollen while doing my deep breaths that may be causing this. I've been using a saline solution to clean my nostrils, which seems to be helping... but my allergies are not helping me right now.

Geez, I can't win for trying. I just got up to go to the bathroom to pee, after finishing and using the toilet paper, I accidentally dug "myself" with my nail, and now I'm bleeding. They really should tie me to my bed, because it looks like its not going to be my day. I'm taking a mental and physical health day, and staying home from work. This is nuts!

To go back to the eating for a moment... I think I'm not eating enough during the day, which is causing me to eat a lot at night for dinner. Yesterday I had cantaloupe, blackberries and strawberries for breakfast with carrot juice. Then a banana, grapes, and for lunch a green small salad with roasted chicken and a plum. I also had a lot of water and hot green tea. Pretty healthy... then I get home and I'm like a vacuum. I also stress eat... and with everything I'm trying to balance right now, I'm stressed.

Sleep now?

I think the new policy should be that if you have two 10 hour days of training back to back - as the instructor - you should be able to take off the rest of the week... Or at least work the other 20 hours however you want for the rest of the week. But, here I sit, in my cube, arriving at 7:30am. And I want a nap.

Oh well - at least my boss is still on vacation, its quiet until about 9am when some of my other coworkers will roll-in, and I get to work on my homework. Yeah, despite all of this craziness with work, I'm also considered a full-time graduate student. I'm not only working on my practicum with an outside client, I also have a class to prepare for - and we were just told about a huge assignment due today. Luckily I have the time today to work on it, otherwise I would be working hard after work to try to get it finished. But, my actual classwork is over in August, and then I have 2 months to write my final practicum paper, as well as prepare for the comp exam in November! :) Yay

On to the homework... but I think I'm going to get some hot tea first, my allergies are drying me out at night.

Great birthday!

I really had a nice and relaxing birthday yesterday! I went to dinner with my mom to Kobe, and stuffed myself on shrimp, scallops, and steak - NOMMY! Fell into a food coma on the couch, and I'm back at work today - having an awesome quiet day because my boss is on vacation! Yay!

I was right! I am getting a bike from Johnny for my birthday! I'm so excited! I can't wait to go try it out! :) Its going to be so much fun! I'm now busy looking up biking trails to test out in NJ for Sunday. Hopefully the weather man is not lying and the weather is going to be as awesome as they are indicating!

Tonight I have a busy night. My goddaughter is making her confirmation - it was moved to this night because Bishop Borders died last week - and since I'm also the teacher, I have to be there. Which means we are going to be late to the bullroast and shrimp feast that we're going to. But it is better late than never. I actually invited a whole bunch of people to go, but only my friend Michelle and her husband Tony wanted to go, and responded. So they'll be there tonight as well! yay!

I also think we are going out to sushi today for lunch! NOM! :)

I can't wait to see Johnny! I'm so happy! I had a weird dream that he was wearing a 70s style tux and a long curly wig and he proposed to me for my birthday - WEIRD! hehe

I also have work to do today for my practicum project - I'm so excited for it! I actually have to email my client and get on the ball with that! :) Yay! :)

It's My BIRTHDAY!!!!

I just noticed that I need to change my profile information on my blog, I'm no longer in my late 20s... I'm in my early 30s! Today is my 31st Birthday! WOOT!
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I'm having a much better reaction to this one than my 30th - that one hit me hard! But I'm keeping it really low key today. To be honest, I hate throwing birthday parties for myself, because it just seems very vain... but to each their own! Tonight I'm going out to dinner with my mom, and then I'm spending the weekend with Johnny. I still don't know what he got me for my bday, but I think I have a good guess - we'll see if it comes true! (I'm guessing Bike.)

My coworkers were sweet, with the most awesome strawberry shortcake from the local yummy bakery... I'm also going out to lunch with 2 of my coworkers. My birthday present to myself was getting my car worked on and detailed. That thing hasn't been cleaned in over a year, so it was worth it! yay! :)

Well... here's to another year of life! Thank God! And definitely to living in the moment!

Back at my Desk

I never thought I'd be so happy to see my desk in my cube. I guess its because I know that I'm working a normal schedule and not the crazy one I've been working. Its just the second week of the roll-out and I'm already tired. I think it has to do with being there for over 12 hours each day. I think I will be fine if I'm the one actually doing the training, and not just observing. To sit in the back of a classroom and just watch is as boring as anything. The facilitators try to include me, as I wrote the material, and they defer to me on some points that they may not know the answers to... but still. Going forward I will actually be the one teaching, so I should have more energy around that. Its hard to be "on" for 12 hours, teaching from 8am-5:30pm, but with set-up and clean-up, it easily gets to 12 hours, for 2 days in a row. I at least get a resume boost for this.

Anyway, on another note... Tomorrow is my Birthday! :) Where in the world has this year gone? It felt like yesterday I was having anxiety attacks about life and turning 30... yet now I feel like I've been through a rebirth and I finally have my priorities straight. I know who I am, or at least I know more about myself, and I'm getting better with managing my boundaries. I'm not having a huge blow-out party like I did last year. I just really don't have any energy for it - as there hasn't been time for me to really plan anything. Actually, I'm not having a party at all. Mom is taking me to dinner on Thursday night, John is coming down on Friday and we are going to a Bull roast/Shrimp Feast, and then we are heading back up to NJ on Saturday morning for a birthday party for his niece and nephew. I get my present from John on Saturday, which I still don't know what it is. I'm supposed to be getting a hint in the mail any day now, but I haven't gotten it yet! I'm feeling low-key this year... don't get me wrong, I love my birthday and I love to party, but I just really don't want to plan my own party. hehehe I'll show up if someone wants to have one for me.

I'm also challenging some of my facebook friends, and John and I made a pact, to lose 10lbs by the end of June. I think if we take it in chunks, it will work. I've gained 17lbs since December. That sucks. I was actually down to a smaller size, and now that size is a little tight on me. I want to be there again! Plus I have more to lose. But I think stress at work has incensed me to make choices that weren't very healthy. Being mentally tired after being brow-beaten all day just urges me to want to eat and not exercise. But its a new day, and a new outlook on life!

What a Week

I knew this week was going to be crazy going into it, but not as much as it actually happened. As a department policy, the consultants have to observe a leadership class two times before facilitating it. I was doing my first observation on Monday and Tuesday of this week, when Murphy's Law took over. The vendor facilitator from Towers Watson was sick, didn't call his backup, so I had to step in. Luckily for all those involved I actually wrote 2 sections of the training, so this rule didn't magically apply to me, and it went off without a hitch. But I almost fell over when I was told that I was stepping in. I didn't prep for that, so they found me a cubby to do some quick studying before I went in to teach it. Then I had a different class that I didn't prep for to teach this morning, because I was so busy trying to keep ahead of the 2 day one I got thrown into. Luckily I pulled that one off without a hitch too... but CRAZY.

I'm finally back at my cube, and I'm counting down to 4pm when I leave for the day. At that point I have to go buy a Marc train ticket, because I will be spending the day in DC observing some more tomorrow, and doing my training to be an admin when I have to fill in for that. Why is it that I have 4 jobs to play in this whole thing, when most only have 2? I'm tired.

Thank goodness for Yoga tonight and then my weekend with John. I think we are going to do some hiking - I need the mental break to just relax and refocus.

Looking good

So here's something female that I noticed... when I have my period is when I actually look my best. I glow, my hair lays right, clothes fit me correctly, and my appearance seems to pull together well.... that lasts up until about 2 weeks before my period, and then I start to look a little more goofy then normal. hehe :) Hormones are a crazy thing.

Anyway, this week is going to be NUTS! I'm off site for the next four days, either observing a class or teaching a class, or learning how to do the admin duties on site for a fill-in for two classes. This week begins the craziness of the huge roll out of classes. We are training twice, sometimes 4 times a week until June. BUSY! I'm either in the classroom for 1 of 4 reasons... facilitating the entire 2 day leadership class, facilitating a 2 hour chunk on technology, assisting for a 2 hour chunk on the technology, or being the admin. Luckily the 4 things don't happen all on the same day, but I will have 4 different hats to wear. I'm also the back-up on a few days, so if anyone gets sick, I have to be ready at the drop of the hat to step-in and facilitate the 2 days of leadership training. I'm going to need a vacation for sure when this is all over! I'm also charged with taking my laptop home with me every night, so I can be ready to go at a moment's notice. I'm definitely living for the break on the weekends.

Friday Field Trip

So apparently the team decided to finish all of the binders yesterday so I can go on the field trip today and not have a reason to stay behind! Yay! :) I love my team. Its relevant that I go, as I'm going to be observing and doing training there next week, but Carol doesn't like me too far out of her sight, because she needs someone here to make changes to things when she dreams up new ideas for how the binders should be. She did that last night. She didn't like one paper in the side front pocket, and waited until we had almost all of them done before telling us she wanted it in a different pocket.... so we had to switch them out. Really? Does it matter? The participants are going to move everything around anyway when they get their binders. Geez! ANAL MUCH?

Anyway, Johnny is coming down tonight and I can't wait to see him. It feels like its been weeks, although it's just been since last Sunday morning. I had to leave early to go teach Confirmation, but we get a 2 full days and 2 nights together this weekend... we should be getting that time together more often since Confirmation is over after Thursday night and I don't have to leave early anymore. Plus with it being daylight longer, no worries! :) I love my Johnny... he's so sweet and loving! :)

I've already started planning things to do this weekend, and I think I'm going to take him to the Visionary Art Museum, since we both haven't been there. Then off to dinner in Hampden to meet my friend Stacey and her boyfriend. Yay! :) That will be fun, I'm glad Stacey will get to meet him. She's my first non-school friend that gets to meet him. If the weather plays along, we may take short hike on Sunday - I got a whole bunch of trail books for John and I to explore from the library.

Storybook Land

I loved the Enchanted Forrest when I was a child, which was located off of 40 West in Maryland. It was a play ground with some rides (if I recall correctly - I get confused with the one in PA sometimes) where you can climb on things that were characters from rhymes. For instance, the Old Woman in the Shoe was a slide, etc... I was looking for things to do in NJ with John, and I stumbled upon Storybook Land in Egg Harbor, which is very similar. Actually, the last one I've been to was in New Orleans before the hurricane when I was visiting Brian. They had one in their city park, and we walked through it while visiting the holiday light display. It just reminds me of a different time in my life, when everything was so full of magic. I think John's nieces would love it! Plus I get an excuse to go and ride the rides, as I'm the adult with them! hehe

I'm really excited about him coming down this weekend. I'm going to take him around to a few different places to visit, and I'm looking for a non-hot yoga class that fits into our time-table. We had the hot yoga experience on Saturday and it did not go over well... it was just WAY too hot. I think that was more of a Birkam style, which is intense. hehe

Insanity

So apparently, even though I'm salary and can work whenever, we have to let our boss know our hours, so I've changed mine to 7:30am to 4pm. She works 7am to 6pm, but I'm sorry, I'm not going to work 11 hour days. Especially when I'm not getting overtime from it. That's stupid. Life is too short, and I have too many things I want to do after work to have to be that kind of stressed.

I like being here at 7:30am... its pretty quiet.

The Test

I think right now this is the one of the times when I'm reliving past things in order to learn and grow from them... one of my many tests while on Earth. I say this because every pet-peeve and button of mine is being pushed repeatedly by my boss. On Friday I almost wanted to walk in and proclaim that I quit. Just to see what she would do and teach her a lesson. But she's 63 years old, she doesn't see this as anything to learn.

I hate doing duplicate work, and having to print things over and over again because she wants to change the word aspire to inspire... then back again... or add a space - then take the space away because she likes it better the first time. WHEN IS ENOUGH, ENOUGH? Perfect does not exist. And I'm also tired of the unclear directions... "I would make it blue" is not the same as, "Make this blue." I'm supposed to read and not debate and know that it is what I'm supposed to do. Don't give you opinion, I learned that, just do what she says... let her figure out why you did it that way in the first place, that's the only way she'll get it.

I even got moved off the team because the work was finished and I am not supposed to help the technical team - yet they keep calling me back and handing me projects. I'm not supposed to be a shared resource, but apparently I'm shared on all three teams: behavioral, technical, and administrative. Why do I always get called in to consult? Figure it out yourself... that's how I learned. If I was so important, then give me another 60,000 a year!

RA RA....

So I got to sing Bad Romance (mine and John's song - I know, sounds crazy) during our game of Rock Band this weekend at Mark's. It was awesome! hehe :)

Overall I had a great weekend. Friday we did a BBQ with his parents and played Apples to Apples. Mark (his brother) and Gwen (his niece) came over, and she and I played Barbies for a few hours. She is so smart for a 6 year old! She can read well above her age group, and she has an awesome imagination. Plus she is ADORABLE!

Saturday had John and I getting up early to try our first hot yoga class together. We nearly died, but we made it through. It was so hot in there that we spent most of the time on the floor because of the fact that when we would stand we would automatically get dizzy. After we showered off, we headed over to the Bus Stop Cafe in Pitman to each lunch where his other brother works. We then took a great walk around Pitman and down to the lake, and had a blast. After a trip to get ice cream, walmart, dinner, we were off to game night. Unfortunately there was an incident with Mark's step-son as he jumped out of the 2nd floor window in his room. He's severely autistic and they have yet to find a manageable program for him. We heard a crash but thought it was the cat until the neighbor knocked on the door. He somehow got the safety-locks off of his window, and started throwing toys out of there to see how far it was. He then jumped.. breaking his wrist and twisting his ankle. Luckily the neighbor was out back when it happened and heard him crying. They spent the night in the emergency room and John and I took care of Gwen until her other uncle arrived and we got her into bed. Her uncle Chris lives there too, so he was staying with her over night. They had to ducktape the splint on his wrist until they can get a cast on it... he kept taking it off and refuses to keep it on. Poor kid... I keep praying for him.

Kick her

if it is socially acceptable to kick your boss in the face, i think i would be promoted to "head kicker."

Speaking up

I'm getting better at speaking my mind before I explode in a temper... although after holding my tongue for 6 months, I had to explode on my boss yesterday. Its too much to even go into, but I have a few pet peeves. My biggest is to not engage me in a 45 minute conversation where a decision has been made, and then 20 minutes later forget that conversation has happened, and that you just wasted 45 minutes of my life arguing over something stupid if you are not going to remember it. Why even have the conversation in the first place if it is not important to you. It is impolite for me to say it, but I wonder if its age related... all of these women are over 60. Why can I remember things that they can't?

Anyway - I am going breathing with David tonight. Yay! Its been a month since I've been, and I'm looking forward to continuing to clear my subconscious even more. I also want to look into body-psychotherapy. A friend of mine goes to one, and it sounds like an amazing profession. I'm looking into doctoral programs, and maybe that is one avenue that I'll be called to explore. I know, let me finish my masters first - but that happens at the end of this year! :) But I am more called to holistic healing... its a remarkable profession.

I also can't wait to go to NJ tomorrow after work to spend the weekend with Johnny. I'll be home Sunday morning because I have to teach, but it'll still be fun to be there with him. I love him so much! :) I'm taking him to a hot yoga class on Saturday morning, his first, which should be an amazing experience for both of us. Fortunately he is into the mind, body, spirit balance thing like I am, so its good to share that with him. :)

Yarn-fu Princess

That's my new nickname. Hehehe.. John and I came up with it last night and I think I'm going to create a new facebook character page with that name. We crack each other up! This comes after his brother proclaimed that he can't go to yoga with us on Saturday because he has stinky feet... my nickname for him "Professor Stinky Feet." I like it, he finds it amusing, and it cracks Johnny up, so it works! hehe

Spring always makes me feel crafty... as in its a new start, everything is fresh and clean, and the perfect time to make stuff. I have no idea what I want to make, but sitting on a blanket, under a tree, making something, sounds awesome to me. That's my new thing... I like being outside taking nature walks and exercising. This is new for me because I don't usually get along with nature - it burns me and/or bites me. All I need is for something to touch me and the nature experience won't stay for very long, but for now it seems riveting and fun! Once mosquito season starts, I'll be inside all the time! hehe They REALLY like me.

I'm excited about having dinner tonight with Hansa and Stephanie - we are a really good supportive group to have fun at dinner with. We also like wine, and getting Stephanie drunk on one glass is pretty fun! hehe I like girl talk too, I'm sure it would make the casual observer blush!

I'm also looking forward to being with Johnny this weekend - the week can't go fast enough! I love that man.

The weaning off process has been going well.. I haven't noticed a difference in temperament - which is a good thing! I have everyone watching me for a difference, and no one has reported anything yet. I did get grumpy on Saturday, but that was after my cousin was irritating me by continuing to pull my shirt off my shoulder to expose my bra strap to the world, commenting on my driving, and talking about the places I picked to have lunch. He was also trying to make me fall on the subway, because we had to stand, and he was making comments about me being dressed like a tramp - loudly. Umm.... I had a dress on - which was down to my knees. When that wasn't going on, he was trying to tickle me... I think he's jealous of my boyfriend John. Usually he doesn't have to share my attention on these outings, but he was acting out extra to get attention.

Happy and Crispy Weekend

I officially got my first sunburn for the season this weekend while in DC at the Cherry Blossom Festival. And in true "Amy" fashion, its only on one arm, and my chest burn has lines in it from my necklace. Look at me, aren't I stylish!?!? hehe Oh, and I have a very clear watch line too. hehehe I have to giggle, one never knows where the sun is going to burn me. The day started overcast and I had leggings and a sweater on, but once we surfaced out of the metro in DC, the weather was warm and sunny. Off came the sweater, and after walking around the Tidal Basin, I stripped in the middle of The National Mall and took my leggings off. Luckily I had a summer dress on over it. My intention was not to wear the leggings to begin with, but it was so chilly in the morning that I needed them. My years of quickly changing in the back of coat rooms in catholic school for gym class paid off.

I'm so glad that I got to spend the day in DC, with Johnny and my family. Actually, the pictures are up on facebook, and I'll be posting them to picasa soon. After that we went to see my work buddy, Judy, in a play at her church. They did an awesome Easter Pageant called "the payment" (yes, in lowercase). It was AWESOME. The singers and dancers are really talented... as well as the band.

Johnny got to meet my immediate family yesterday at Easter... and his words were, "You really couldn't describe them to me... they were something I had to see for myself, but now that I did - WOW." heheheheheehehe - they are a crazy bunch of people really only concerned with the material side of the world. It always amazes me how they try to find happiness in buying things. And arguing over who bought the best one. My mom, Johnny, and I didn't get involved, we just sat back and let them go!

I can't wait to spend the weekend with him next week - I'm taking him and his brothers to a hot yoga class with me. This should be good! hehe :)

The Weaning Process

As many of you know, I started taking anti-anxiety medicine back in July of last year, just because of everything that was going on in my life at that time. Frankly, I thought I was losing my mind, but after therapy, learning to have fun again, breathing with David, yoga, meditation, reading some Buddhist books, and all of the other life changes I've made - I finally figured it all out. Well, I figured out what was happening to me. Here it is: I never processed my breakup with my ex boyfriend. I just buried it under the layers of fat inside of me to hide it away. When I was faced with suddenly turning 30 and my life not where I always imagined it being, the emotions started to leak out. Actually, my therapist likes to say that I cracked open like an egg, and everything I've ever held inside of me came out. That just goes to show that its not good to hold opinions and things inside, and its best to share them when they happen.

I also thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life alone and I had to come to conclusion about what that would look like, and if I didn't get my way, what kind of person I wanted to be - what kind of adult did I want to be. Over the last 8 months I've figured that out, lost weight, cleared out my subconscious, and started being the authentic adult woman I wanted to be. Now its time to start weaning off the medication.

I had my doctors appointment, and she told me that she only gave it to me because I was freaking myself out, and she didn't think I really needed it to begin with. My anxiety was episodic and was spurred by an event, as I never had a history of this in my earlier life. That's what freaked me out - I was totally not "myself." So I've started the weaning process. I'm doing every other day for 2 weeks, then 3 times a week for a week, and then 2 times a week for a week before I stop it completely. My dosage is so low, that I really don't have to have an intense process. But my body is used to it, so I have to do it slowly. I was worried, but yesterday went really well, and I totally forgot about it until I was driving home from DC last night.

Here's the thing... I want to get to a spot where I never think about it again. I just forget that this ever happened to me. Not that I forget the lessons I learned, or destroy the new woman I've become, but I get to a place where I don't think about having to take meds to get over something. The stigma of the whole thing sits hard on my shoulders. I know that is to do with my own personal need to be perfect - a reality that does not exist. But I don't want others to feel sorry for me, or feel like something is wrong with me, and lose my credibility. I have such a high reputation as the one who holds it together and is brilliant that I have based most of my identity on that. To hear my Buddhist friends speak, that is really what is going on here. I'm trying to destroy my own ego, and the ego is using tricks and anxiety to hold on. The ego sort of grows a mind of its own and the worse thing that could happen to the ego is for it to not exist. I'm working on it. To live without ego is an entirely humbling experience. Its never about me in the first place, its always about others, but I like others to think about me in a good way.

Anyway- I'm on the process to get off the meds... and since I have the love and support of my friends, family, and boyfriend - I think this is going to work wonderfully! I just have to stay patient and know that in a few years, this will just be a blip on my radar screen of life.

Flying Kites!

My weekend in NJ lived up to everything I was hoping for in a weekend with my someone special! We shot pool on Friday night - I still suck, by the way, then had my favorite dinner food - grilled cheese! Saturday we went and flew kites. That's right, we flew kites! It was so much fun, and I haven't done that since I was a little kid! I was giggling the whole time. There's an awesome picture of me laughing hysterically while sitting on a purple dinosaur with my kite at a park! LOVE IT! hehe Sunday, we slept in late, then did some driving around listening to tunes while looking at various areas of NJ... then had a nice long nap on the couch.

I know this is the real thing because I don't want the weekend to end, nor do I want to leave him. When I was with my ex, I couldn't wait to go home, and I really didn't care that I didn't see him often. I justified it as not being a clingy female and living my own life independently. But in reality, he was an asshole, and I could only take him in small doses. That sounds harsh, but its my truth. Speaking the truth, in the moment, live here in Maryland! hehe

My mind is already on the weekend...

The time seems to be moving so slowly, although its already almost 11am. I just can't wait to leave for NJ and see my Johnny. I just saw him last weekend in DC, but it doesn't seem like we got a lot of time together because I was in school for most of it - and we just had the evenings together. But this weekend should be great!

I'm also excited that my PA signed my contract! Yay! She had one or two small changes to it, but overall, loved it. Now, I just need to make my meeting with my client, and we'll be in business. I also finished my brochure, and will start working on my business cards! Yay! :)

I also have a list of changes for the crazy project at work, but at least time is much more relaxed and I don't have to scramble to get them finished before I leave today. Although I feel a much stronger sense of accomplishment when I'm working in such a tight environment with a turn-around like that, as I like the challenge. I get more lazy when I have more time to complete something. Maybe that is my next thing to work on.

Yay! :) come on weekend! Let's go! :)

Meditation

I started reading the loving-kindness book again, as I find it so very insightful. For some reason, and maybe its because my unconscious body has been working through so much when I do my breathing with David, I just want to go find a rock by the river, sit and meditate. The breeze in my hair, the sun on my face, and just enjoy the calming effects of the deep breathing and meditation.

I get to do some tonight during yoga. I love yoga. I need to find a slightly more intense class, as when I do the practice on my own, following a video on Exercise TV, my body really feels the benefits. Especially when I break a sweat moving through the poses. I found a 50 minute video that had me doing 3 different sun salutation variations quickly that had me up and down off the floor quickly. My biceps have been achy from holding myself in plank pose for some of them. That's the kind of workout I like. I wish I would have an aerobic effect while doing that - as that is how weight is lost.

I've set a new intention and have completed a circle of intention with it too. I want to lose 40 more lbs by November. I've been using the practice of positive intention and holding my hope out to the universe to give me the strength to do it. Its a matter of breaking habits and patterns, which are only good for me to break. Time does heal.

Pair Consulting

I created a new company (make-believe) for my practicum consulting project, called Pair Consulting. It is a play on words, as I plan to "pair" i.e. partner with my client - and my logo is a pear. Cute! I like the design so far, and my artistic boyfriend is going to help me beef it up a smidgen! yay!

I think I have so much energy about this because its new, exciting, and totally not like something I've worked on in awhile. I need a mental break to make my work interesting again - and this is what I need. I also need a vacation. I've been pretty much going non-stop since July. Yes, I was in Bermuda for 2 weeks, but that was an emotional roller-coaster where I worked from 8am-Midnight each day either with the client, in class, or with my team. There really wasn't escape time to just sit and ponder. I need escape time. I think I'm going to get some this weekend at my boyfriend's... at least a chance to sleep in for a few days. I haven't had that in awhile.

By the way... 8 Months to graduation! :)

Purple Practicum Prettiness

I have a fascination with school/office supplies. I like them, and the prettier they are the better. Actually, that was always the best part of getting ready to go to school - the supplies. On one level I like to be organized, it gives me the illusion of control, but on another, my organization only lasts as long as I maintain interest in it. I'm challenging myself to use the organization and stretch my awareness for 7 months.

I stopped at Office Depot after work yesterday to stock up on organization to get ready for my practicum. They didn't have 2inch pink binders, so I went for a purple theme. I have a shiny new collection of purple things: binder, pencil case, binder clips, paper clips, pens, table of contents dividers, and a binder calendar. WOW! I am even putting together a bag to carry it around in, so I can stay organized and prepare all the time.

I am ahead of the curve, as yesterday I started my project timeline and wrote my PA Contract. I even have my letter and my learning goals completed, and already started client conversation for contracting! yay! :) I'm using Google Docs for the first time to share some of the documents that I'm writing so they can be edited by my PA. We'll see how that goes. Her father is in the hospital this morning so she wasn't able to review it yet - my thoughts and prayers are with her.

I also am now connected to Buzz on google, so all of my blog posts get automatically posted onto Buzz. Not sure if I like it or not, but I stopped posting my stuff to facebook because too many people were friends of mine on the facebook account - some people that I didn't want to read my blog. Yay! :)

So today I am going to kill some trees as I print all of the guidelines documents, and syllabus (23 pages of syllabus) for this project. Plus I'm going to start printing information about my client and looking for any information about them. Another day of freedom at work! :)

Practicum 1 Weekend in DC

I don't think I've ever felt so clear about a project as my Practicum 1 weekend at graduate school this weekend in DC. The professor and the 5 PAs went over every detail step-by-step, which really helped me understand what is due, and when. Sometimes it got very redundant, but in the end it was worth it. I also got a lot of clarity about which client I should chose. My original plan was to work within my current work system, picking a division that I do not currently interact with, but I quickly nixed that idea after I realized that I would have to spend a lot of time manging the politics and my boss. I really don't need that added stress right now. I have enough going on at work, and I think it will benefit me to work outside of my current system.

So, my client is going to be my priest's new church in Fredrick. He wants to get the parishioners involved in the church decision making and much like any non-profit with volunteer members - figure out what they want most out of their membership. This lends itself to a pretty easy project that I could be passionate about. I will also stretch my learning because my client is a friend, and managing the boundaries of that relationship will be challenging so I do not get sucked into doing more work that what I contracted for - as a favor.

I also really like my PA - Renee. She's fun, open, and very flexible, and she is going to help me become a scholar. I seem to be one step ahead of the curve, and have internalized all of the theory of OD, so I can talk about it - I just can't attribute it to anyone in particular. Which is really a good thing, because I'll be acting on instinct instead of searching for answers. However, that doesn't come in handy when I have to quote theory in my paper. She gave me some recommendations on how to handle that, so I'm going to start making a matrix of theorists in layman's terms in order to help me remember it.... its not important in the real world - but I have to be able to quote theory from my head in order to take my 4 hour comprehensive exam in November to graduate. This will be good practice for me, and a good way to start studying. It is an academic program, not a practitioner program, so theory is important.

Then about a year later, I've decided I'm going to start my PhD program. But I'm not sure in what yet. I'm toying between OD and Human Development, and Clinical Psychology. The only issue I have with Clinical Psychology is that I do not want to do a clinical rotation - I just want the in depth knowledge into human nature in order to expand my OD practice... and I can always turn to therapy if my OD practice doesn't work. The other issue is that I have this habit of internalizing, so I'll start coming up with all of these mental disorders I may have and admit myself to a hospital because I'll think I'm going crazy. hehehehee :) (joke)

On another note - this weekend was one of great weather in DC! My boyfriend, John, had so much fun visiting the museums and we both loved the marble bathroom in the hotel. The stupid DC marathon ruined my Saturday morning commute, as it took me nearly 2 hours to go 6 miles. Lovely! I invented a few new curse words during that time. But I got there, and with our relaxed schedule this weekend, I had a lot of time to sit outside and enjoy the weather over lunch and during breaks.

I can't wait for next weekend - I'll be in NJ with John! :)

How did I...

... become the one that is in charge of this crazy project at work? For some reason I'm the fire marshall when it comes to making sure everything is completed, where it is on time, knowing what everyone is working on, the important information from kinkos, and all the other stuff that goes along with project management - and I'm not even a freaking J!

I think the new Amy that has come out of me in the past few months, the much sassier version of me, has become more organized and understands exactly what she wants. She also doesn't have any patience for morons. That's new... but if you can't help me, then get out of my way. Don't stand there wasting my time when I have things to do. I guess this is what is called a "stressed-prompted J".

To fix it, I'm heading to the park after work to enjoy this beautiful weather and walk my mile (I did two last time) and then I'm going to yoga tonight!

I have school this weekend and Johnny is coming down to DC with me - Yay! :) Fun times, and great weather!

Those crazy people at work are on their own! :)

Day 2 of Relaxation

Today marks the 2nd day of not having a crazy work schedule. Actually, I'm pretty much the only one here right now, which is a good thing. I get to work on some school stuff again, before the crazies get back to the office tomorrow.

I'm sure they will be in a flurry, making last minute changes before the executive pilot next week, but I'm not here on Friday, so for once they are on their own! Yay!

I saw an interesting post on facebook from my friend Lori at work... she's actually off today to celebrate St. Patty's. I think she was meeting people at 7:15am for Irish Car Bombs before her friends went to work! That's INSANE! But those who are dedicated to the cause of St. Patty's are like that... or so I hear. I'm sporting my green today, even though I'm only Irish by association. Everyone thinks I look Irish, so I guess I can pass for it in a pinch.

Today is also the 1 year anniversary of my Uncle Jerry's death. I'm going to have a Coors Light at dinner tonight in honor of him. He passed away unexpectedly last year, which had a crazy impact on the entire family. But such is life.

I haven't heard from Johnny yet this morning, which is odd. I know that his dad was going in for some laser surgery today to remove some cancer cells from his head, but he seemed fine last night when we both went to bed. We always chat via text message, and we had our usual good night conversation. Our inside comment is that we say we love each other "SO BIG!" - like little kids do. He sent me a picture last night with his arms spread wide doing "So BIG!" so I made that the wallpaper of my phone and changed the welcome message to "I Love you SO BIG!" - now I'll always have a reminder. He's such a sweet guy. I'm a dork, but a sweet one.

Dreaming Again

I guess I knew that I was going to have a relaxing day today, because I actually went to bed, was able to relax totally and had some crazy dreams. I am going to blame it on the Tacos I had for dinner. So very vivid... but so wacky! Typical!

I am prepping for class this weekend. I think Johnny is actually going to come down and stay with me in DC, which will be a lot of fun. I'm staying at a new place (well, new to me) so this should be good. One of my classmates emailed me to let me know that there is a marathon on Saturday morning in DC, so it looks like a lot of road closures are going to impact us getting to school that morning! Great! Johnny gets to meet some of my friends from school, the girls, so this would be a good time. I think Svenja is bringing David and Stephanie is bringing her husband Jay, so he shouldn't be alone! A table full of women is always daunting.

I got a lot finished today... taking care of a lot of business things that don't involve the big project that I've been working on. Today is the pilot of the program, so I have two days of non-craziness before it starts back up with changes on Thursday. I don't think it will ever be finished, we keep tweaking things. But according to my boss, it has to be perfect. I think her perfectionism is hindering our team. But that is just my professional opinion.

I'm about to start my practicum for school - yay, more pro-bono work! I have an idea for a client, but we'll have to see how my boss feels about it. She has to totally butt out of the work! And that is going to be hard for her, since its a work client that I don't have current contact with. Otherwise I would have to take vacation time to do it. I want my vacation time.

I kicked ass yesterday to get everything finished for them... so I deserve my time away from them.

Busy as a Bee

I wonder where that expression comes from? I guess because Bees put their mind down to their job, especially worker bees, and that's all they do. I have been so busy at work lately that I haven't had a chance to really blog.

I started my work day at 7am. Yes, world, I am usually just waking up around that time and am not normally functioning until 9am, but I made an exception for this. I've learned that if people just leave me alone and stop asking questions I can get a lot done. I had all gazillion changes completed by 8:30am, so the 9am printer deadline. Yet my boss came in and changed a few things. Things were more for looks then for content. That is a pet peeve of mine. Tomato vs To-MATO... as long as the content is there, people get the gist, then you don't have to spend 10 hours lining up spacing. I don't have patience for that level of detail, and I really don't think the senior leaders will notice it. They want the executive version anyway - not the line-by-line version.

Anyway... I had a fun weekend with Johnny. I really love that man. He's a sweetheart, and so caring. A real soft-soul. We went to a St. Patrick's party at my church and had a blast. I was shocked, he was able to get on the dance floor and hold his own with me - even in lining dancing, although he didn't know the steps - it was cute. At one point he just started spinning. hehehe.. :) However, he was sick for most of the weekend, so I just pampered him with movies, chicken noodle soup, and cuddles. When he was getting ready to leave, he thanked me for taking care of him so well, and told me that he will take care of me when I'm sick... then grabbed my hand, put it on his heart, and said, "You know it belongs to you, right?" So SWEET! hehe :)

I want to go home and take a nap. I finished all of my work for the day, now I just need to hang around until 3:30pm for when the stuff comes back from the printers in order to stuff binders. Oh fun! :)

Catching up!

Wow... life has been a whirlwind the last few days, and I finally feel like I can take a breath. Actually, I took a lot of breaths last night as I went to a breathing session with David. I'm a paying customer now, but I got so many benefits of it last night. It was so relaxing.

Anyway.... what's new?

Well, we left work on Friday early to go to my coworkers in Fells Point for a happy hour and surprise baby shower for another coworker. We all needed the wine from the horrible week we had at work. It was just so intense, and our boss' nuttiness doesn't help. I left there and drove up to NJ to be with Johnny.

Johnny and I had an awesome weekend. The weather finally warmed up, and we spent the weekend outside... on Saturday exploring Parvin State Park and then on Sunday exploring different neighborhoods in New Jersey around his church. Because I got to spend some much time with him, I realized that I really really love him. I knew I loved him before, as I love everyone, but I learned this weekend that I am totally head-over heels in love with him. He is such a good man, and I feel so adored when I am with him. I always wanted something like this, and now I have it - and its wonderful! The universe does supply what you need, you just have to know what to ask for. I've found my life partner.

The last two days I've been off site at a Train-the-trainer for the big project we are working on. Its been nuts. First I'm facilitating, then I'm not because I don't have management experience.... yet I'm invited to the TTT anyway to present the material that I designed. Apparently I totally kicked ass doing it because now they want to put me back on the schedule to facilitate. Lord only knows what is going on now!

Anyway, we have so much work to do!

Graduated from Therapy

Last night I offically graduated from therapy. My boyfriend is going to throw a little party for me on Friday night because of it! hahahaha!

Actually, it was an uneventful session, as I again told her where I am in life and she made the comment that I've come so far and I really have myself back to a comfortable place without anxiety attacks. I guess my friend Jenn was right when she mentioned that everyone has episodes and I just was not used to handling them. I also got to meet my therapist's grand-dog, who ended up scratching my nose. But very cute! hehe

I've taken to journaling in a private space at night before I get into bed. Its two for the price of one journaling. I do some quiet meditation and deep breathing while I'm writing, and then I end up sleeping really well. Although I don't want to get up in the morning because I am so comfortable. I actually fell asleep sitting up last night at my laptop with my head propped up against my jewelry box. I was working on my paper, got sleepy, and just closed my eyes for a second. 30 mins later I woke up and decided to go to bed! I can fall asleep anywhere. Which is kind of amusing since I'm very flexible. Some positions I relax into seem to be body-defying.

Mmmmmm.... Zen tea. I have a nice big hot cup of my favorite tea - Tazo Zen. Its a mix of lemongrass and spearmint. The smell alone puts me into a Zen state. I wonder if I can find incense with this mix of smells... it would be wonderful to yoga too. By the way, I invented a verb last night - yogaing. It means to do yoga. My therapist liked it.

I have two more sleeps before I'm back in Johnny's arms again. I count things by sleeps. I always have, but it seems to help the time go faster! I get to sleep in both Saturday and Sunday with him, which is going to be wonderful. He keeps my feet warm, rubs my back, and doesn't mind holding me until I fall asleep. What a guy! :)

Back to the Gym

So after a long break for the last month or so, I've finally made it back to the gym last night. Yay! I got in 30mins of cardio while reading my assignment for class, and then did some deep stretching. I've missed the gym. I always feel so good when I leave.

Tonight is my last session with my therapist. Yay! Actually, its just been a formality now for the last 5 months or so, as I've been doing really well. She's a nice lady, and I enjoy talking to her, but I really don't have any issues right now to work through.

I'm also stopping my medicine next month! Yay! That reminds me that I need to make an appointment with my doctor so we can begin the withdrawl application of the meds. I think I'm supposed to go to every other day, or drop the dosage down to 10 opposed to 20... but she'll decide that. I feel ready to come off of it, and I can always go back on if I need it. But I really don't need it. I feel like I'm back in control of me, and I have since I started taking it - so that's the placebo effect for you.

I've been looking at houses again. There's a few that I want to buy, but I want to wait until I'm finished school... so next year this time, I'll be a home owner! yay! I just want to own a place of my own, where I can have my own rules, own style, and live as I want. I still feel like I have to check in with my mom now, since I live there. Although I live financially independent of her, I do it out of respect. It caught me as funny when I was over John's parents house this past weekend. His youngest brother, Eric, was going out to a friend's. Eric is in his early 20s. And John's parents looked at each other and said something like, "Is he coming home tonight?" and the other said, "I don't know, we'll see if he's here in the morning." And they were totally cool about it. I couldn't help but think about my mother... that would never fly. I would have to tell her where I'm going, what time I'll be home, call her when I get there if its out of the state, let her know what time I'll be home, pack a bag, make sure I have everything I possibly need in the bag, etc. etc. etc. I would also have to tell her what clothes I'm taking, because she feels the need to iron everything - God forbid if I show up somewhere without my clothes ironed. I need to move out! hehe

Fasting

Okay, that's it, I'm going to start fasting. I had another episode early this morning/late last night that hurt my stomach so badly. I didn't have breakfast, as I drove home from NJ early to make it to church and then teach confirmation. I didn't get lunch until after 1pm, and I was starving. Mom and I went to Outback, and I had too many carbs. I had the baked cheese fries as an appetizer and then one of their pasta dishes, plus some bread. I was stuffed. I wasn't hungry for dinner, but mom wanted to cook something, as she didn't want us to go to bed hungry. So I ended up eating some chicken nuggets and mac&cheese with green beans. My stomach revolted.

I had pain because it was over-stuffed and I couldn't function. I ended up getting sick and vomiting. My stomach felt better after that, but then I had an adverse reaction to the soda I drank to calm my stomach, plus a gallbladder attack from all of the fatty food. I had so much hyped up energy from the soda, that I couldn't lay still. Yet I couldn't get comfortable and fall asleep because of the gallbladder pain.

I finally feel asleep around 2:30-3:00am and the alarm went off at 7am. So not much sleep for me. Luckily I had a long nap in the afternoon yesterday, otherwise I would be really mentally hurting.

I am beginning to understand that I have a food addiction. Why do I say that? Because I know that I have food that I shouldn't be eating, yet I eat it anyway and suffer. I guess I'm just hungry in the moment, and even though I have a moment of clarity where I think "this isn't going to be good," yet I eat it anyway. Of course I could have told you that eating all that food yesterday would not be good for me, yet it went into my mouth. Why do I do that? That's the behavior of an addict. Stuck on something and not able to stop.

I just had pure fruit juice for breakfast, and I've only had some fruit so far today. I'm sticking to it this time, because I like my sleep, and I don't like to wake to pain like that. It sucks not being able to sleep when I am so tired, and I can't get comfortable to do that. I ended up laying 1/2 on the bed and 1/2 off, as it felt better to have my right arm stretched over my head. I don't understand why, but opening my chest cavity and stretching it gave my gallbladder more room to function. who knows! I'm drawing a line in the sand... I'm not going to do that ever again.

Indecision

I'm having another episode where I am paralyzed by indecision. I'm in the process of thinking it through, and I'm trying to understand how I got myself here once again.

Here's the deal... if everything was right and perfect in the world right now: I would leave work Friday afternoon and drive to NJ to spend the weekend with my boyfriend, leaving early Sunday morning to come back in order to teach Confirmation class. We will spend much needed alone time together on Friday and Saturday, and then go to game night on Saturday night. I haven't been in over a month up to see him and his family, since the weather has been bad and I was away. He came to pick me up at the airport so I saw him last weekend.

Here's the issue:
THERE'S ANOTHER FREAKING SNOW STORM COMING!
This time it is supposed to hit NJ hard, and we aren't supposed to get that much here. My coworkers are trying to talk me into leaving tonight, faking sick at work so I would actually leave before it starts bad, and get snowed in with him, faking sick tomorrow too.

But here are all the dependent factors that I am allowing to control me right now, and are making me crazy:

• I was gone for 2 weeks, which my boss did not like because we are in the middle of a huge project.
• Now that I am back, my team is relying on me to take some of the pressure off of them from my boss.
• If I leave tonight, I may get stuck in NJ with the weather, if they close down the state like they did to Maryland where no one can drive. This means that I would have to continue the lie to my boss that I'm "sick" because I couldn't tell her that now I'm stuck in NJ.
• If I miss 3 days of work in a row (sick days) I need a doctor's note to come back. I'm not sick, I'm faking.
• I now have a meeting scheduled with one coworker tomorrow after the staff meeting to begin our part of the project so that get's underway.
• I have a deliverable on Monday that is due because my boss needs to send it to the graphic designer. I should have it finished by this afternoon... however, if there is anything wrong with it, I need to be available to make changes. If I'm stuck in NJ, I won't be able to make changes. This will set-off her temper, and she will take it out on other people of the staff. They already are feeling abused, and I'm afraid that a mutiny would occur.
• My mother does not want me to drive in the snow tonight, or any snow for that matter. She thinks it is unsafe and I am being reckless if I do that. The guilt trip I would get from her would be painful, if I went when it was snowing.
• I would also get a guilt trip from her, if we get bad snow, that I wasn't here to help her dig out. Since I seemed to miss the last big storm, she was stuck in the house with no one to help her. Never mind that the nice people from the church came to dig her out... but you know how my mother is.
• If I ask for the day off tomorrow, the guilt trip I would get from my boss would be as painful. She does not want any of us to take off, and she is grudgingly accepting that I have to take 1 day a month off for school. I already missed 2 weeks this month for school... never mind that I have 4 weeks of vacation just sitting there, plus the bonus week on her she gave us - 5 weeks. What happened to work-life balance? Did I mention the almost 300 hours of sick time that I have, because I never call in sick?
• I opened my mouth and mentioned to Johnny that I was thinking of playing sick, now he's encouraging me to do it, and if I don't, I think he'll be disappointed. I don't want to disappoint him. He's thinking of calling in sick to work too tomorrow, just because he needs a break.
• I also have a 12-15 page paper that is due on March 7th. If I get stuck in NJ all that time, if the snow is really bad, then that is going to put me behind, and only give me 3 days to work on it. I want my weekends free to spend with John. Also, we were already told that we cannot take an extension on this paper. Its not really hard, its just finding the time.
• I also really want to go to yoga tonight. Its the first class of the new session.
• None of my clothes or stuff is together to leave tonight, and by the time I get it together, leaving after work, the storm would have already started badly up there.
• It started snowing here a few minutes ago when I went to the bank.
• If I'm not here on Sunday, stuck in NJ, then I would need to call Kathy and have someone substitute for my class. I only teach 6 classes a year, so that seems kind of shitty of me not to be able to fulfil my obligations.

So the question to ask is... f*ck all of them, what do you want, Amy? Well, I want to leave work now, go to Johnny's and find myself wrapped in his arms all weekend, not caring who is snowed in where or what is due and when things are due and just live for me for a bit.

But we know that I don't operate like that. I'd feel horrible leaving my boss, team, mom, and Kathy in the lurch. The guilt would eat me up, and I'd feel in the dog house. This guilt complex I carry around is too much. But I don't know how to stop it. I need to take lessons.

So, what I've decided to do, is wait for the storm to end, Friday, and see what its like on Saturday morning... going up for one night is better than going up not at all.

Use I Statements

Often times it is easier for me to become detached if I use the royal "we" or refer to my experience at the group level, opposed to the individual. I don't have to be responsible then, and I won't feel bad for hurting someone's feelings. I take ownership in that, and am willing to work on it.

On the other hand, I don't like it when other people speak up for me. I prefer to speak on my own. My coworker gave me interesting feedback when she was listening to my account of what Bermuda was like. I apparently had the power on my small team and the competence, but for whatever reason my teammates wanted to fight authority and power; but they didn't have the competence for back it up.

This is partly why instead of the body of work being closed for Bermuda, my team is writing recommendations and a plan for them now... two things my team fought me on when I recommended them earlier. The phrase of "I told you so" played out for me again. And she used the royal "we" to excuse why the directions were not followed. She needs to make I statements and say why she didn't want to follow directions. I never want to work in that team of people again. They are trying to suck me into a conference call this evening, but I am being very directive about the time I have available. I don't want to go through this painful experience again with them.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a lot swimming around in my mind and energy traveling up and down my limbs. I got out of bed and decided to dance in place in order to burn some of the energy. It was great fun! One can only imagine what I looked like, dancing in the dark, to no music, at 3am... hehe

Back from Bermuda

Well, that was a hellish experience that I never want to go through again.

I'm still spitting mad from the work with my team, and the lack 0f self awareness. I'm justified in the fact that I was right all along, and now they are apologizing to me for not listening. I spent more time doing interventions with my team, then I did with the client. And now, our lead professor is letting us know that we have to follow up with an action plan (what my team fought me on) and have it done by Wednesday. HELLO!

There's a lot more detail then that, but lets just say, it would take too many years to explain everything that happened in that weak with the client.

I'm home now, that is all that matters.

Blizzard Coming

So, I'm at work this morning. Actually I was at work until almost 8pm last night, which caused me to miss yoga class. I really wanted to take yoga before I left for Bermuda, but it looks like its not going to happen.

When my boss wants something done right, she wants it done now. She gets totally energized by being the only people in the building, working on a last minute project. Me... not so much. I marched back to my desk, leaving the meeting early, and fixed everything I was supposed to fix, and marched it right back into them. Jim, the consultant, has a meeting with the VP today at 11:30am, and she wants to make sure he has all the information. It makes no sense... the 3 of us have to explain it to her, she explains it to Jim, and then Jim explains it to Joy. Why can't we just meet with Joy - it will be easier and make more sense coming from us. But no, we have to spend time in 6 hour meetings making sure they understand it enough in order to explain it to someone else. And they usually get it wrong... but since that's what they told Joy, we have to re-design to match what they told her. And they call our department Organizational Effectiveness? Ummm... yeah. The irony rarely escapes me.

Hopefully we can leave after our meeting this morning... we aren't essential employees... there aren't "training or organizational" emergencies. Or emergency coaching sessions that we do. I'm salary, technically I worked my hour, so I can roll out and get paid for the entire day... but that's bad form.

I just can't wait until I am in Bermuda and away from all of this for awhile. I'll be working all weekend to finish my section of the training, it needs to be done by Monday, because I'm out for 2 weeks, and the training is due March 1. I really don't care at this point... perfection is an illusion, but they haven't learned that yet.

Busy Busy Busy

I learned that I need to bitch about something before I can actually do it. From that perspective, you would think I'm a "J," as "Js" are adverse to last minute changes in plans, but that isn't so. I just need to think it through out loud before I can start working on it.

So I have to get everything ready for my trip on Tuesday to Bermuda. I have some clothes picked out, but I have to pack my business suits too... I'm wondering how many suitcases I need to take. I'm there for 12 days, and I need 6 business suits and 6 business casual outfits, plus play clothes. There is an iron and such in the room, or at least I think there is, I have to check that too. I also have to bring some text books, materials for meeting with clients, and money. Plus all of my bath stuff.... I need to go to the bank too and get more money.

This 2-4 feet of snow they are calling for is putting a damper on my weekend, because instead of being out and doing some last minute errands, I'll be stuck in the house. I dug my suitcases out of the back shed last night, so its just a matter of seeing if everything can go into one, or not. If not, I'm taking 2 huge suitcases. I hate bringing 2 large suitcases, because I get the eyeroll of "women travelers" and it looks really extra bad when other women in my cohort can get away with just 1 suitcase. My mom is pushing for two, because she doesn't want them to be overweight, which is a good point, but I may end up taking one really big one, and one smaller one. who knows!

I also have to get all of my training design for two modules done by Monday. But I won't know the final version of what that should look like until 6pm tonight. Thank God I have yoga tonight to relax me. But I'm probably going to be working on that all day tomorrow and then again on Monday. Maybe over the weekend too if I need that extra time. I just keep getting interrupted at work to check in with other people and give them my feedback on their work.

Then I have a conference call with my teammates to review what we should be reading this weekend before the trip, and going over the brochure I designed for us. I have to make those last minute changes and then get it printed on good paper at Kinkos. We need 12 copies. I might have to delegate that to someone else... hehe

And on top of all of this, I really wanted to spend the weekend in NJ with John, but it looks like I'm not going to be able to if we get 2-4 feet of snow! I won't see him for 3 weeks, which kinda sucks, but then again, we keep in touch via email while I'm out of the country. Hopefully my flight isn't cancelled on Tuesday because of the weather.... that would just OVERLY SUCK.

Okay.. enough hashing it out.... onward to work!

Beautiful

It is so beautiful outside, with the snow stuck to the trees, and a white crispness in the air. However it is already starting to melt and turn slushy, so that's not a lot of fun. I wanted to stay in bed for a bit longer this morning, which I did, but I got motivated and came to work. I almost got sucked into an episode of Maury Povich - I wanted to know who the Baby Daddy is, but I left instead. I don't need to get another bad habit! hehehe

Last night my PC finally decided to die. There were a few different viruses on it that I couldn't remove, which just chomped at the speed in which it moved, so I had to setup my new laptop last night. It was the craziest thing, the computer would turn on, but it wouldn't send a signal to the monitor. I checked all the wiring, unplugged everything and put it back together, but it wouldn't work. Luckily I had backed everything up awhile ago... I just need to go to Picasa and pull down my pictures and save them to my external hard drive.

This is why Murphy's Law follows me around... a perfect example. So my PC was working fine on Monday night, I was online chatting with my boyfriend and his brother via facebook, playing scrabble, and just surfing the internet when I should have been working on the brochure for the Bermuda trip. Normally I would do it at work (the brochure), but my teammates want me to use Publisher (well, one is pushing for it since she knows that program) and since I'm using the loaner laptop at work, it doesn't have publisher on it. My PC had publisher on it, thus why I was on it Monday night. But I told the team I would have it to them late Tuesday night, because I figured I'd come straight home from work on Tuesday and work on it. I thought I had plenty of time! I came home, walked a 15 minute mile, then decided to get motivated on the brochure. My PC wouldn't boot up. After that went on for awhile, I decided to switch out my PC for my new laptop and router that I haven't installed yet. I figured that would take me 2-shakes of a tail feather, I would just need to install Office, and be done. Well.... this version of Office didn't have publisher... and I was trying to get online to contact my team to tell them the brochure was going to be late, but I couldn't get my router installed, nor would the direct connection to the laptop with the network cable from the modem work either. I had to call comcast, talked to two people there, and they finally had me call Netgear for direction... he told me the settings I needed to use, because the install CD wouldn't work because I have Windows 7 and the install CD was not configured to use it. Meanwhile, I wanted to have all of this done for 8pm, because the show I've been waiting for all summer and winter, LOST, was coming back on for the final season. Needless to say, I missed the first episode (it was just a re-run), only caught the tail-end of the second brand-new one that came after it, and was finally able to sit down and watch the third episode that came on. This is why I try not to test fate and I live by the law all the time, because my luck isn't that good. I always make the best of it, and its a learning experience, but things like that always happen to me. LOL!

Awesome Snowy Weekend

Well, all of my weekend plans were cancelled due to the snow, but I had an awesome snowy weekend with Johnny anyway. We stayed in, watched some TV and movies, did a puzzle, cuddled, took some silly pictures, and just enjoyed each other's company. He truly is a really really sweet guy. He even had a tear in his eye at one point when he was telling me how much he cared about me - I love him! hehe He's ready for a relationship, and he treats me so well.

I'm spending this week packing and getting ready for Bermuda next week! Hopefully it doesn't snow this coming weekend, because I really want to go to NJ and spend time with Johnny before going away for 2 weeks. My fingers are crossed!

Ra Ra RA

That darn song gets stuck in my head every time I hear it. Its CRAZY! I can hear it now, Lady Ga Ga shouldn't be so catchy!

I finished reading the book last night at book club. It was inspiring and I felt so grateful that I live in a country that does not suppress women like that one. What a tragic and chilling way to live, in fear of your life.

I want to knit, not work on work. Actually, I wanted to stay in bed this morning and sleep a bit more, then knit some, then work on work from home. But no, hear I sit, in my cube... oh fun. I can't wait until I get my own office. It looks like we are moving in May, and we picked out some office furniture already. I'm hoping I get the dark mahogany set, as I really like dark wood better. I'm going to get a bean bag chair, and one of those ergonomically correct stools so I can move around and be creative from different locations. Its hard for me to sit still and think outside of the box. I have to get outside of the box for that to happen. Inspiration is a good thing.

I have to say that I really like John. We email on and off all day, and text in the evenings to keep in touch between seeing each other on the weekends. He's coming down this weekend to go to an Alumni event with me, which should be fun. I'm going with my friend Jenn, as she got a table and had extra tickets. We get to go to the new campus location, which I've only been to once before. He'll also get to meet more family at my little cousin's birthday party. I've warned him about them! hehe

Sleepy

For some reason, I must be getting old. If I stay up too late past my 11pm usual bedtime, its hard for me to get up in the morning and be functional. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, as I was comfortable and having odd dreams about cathedrals, parties, and my cohort in DC. Now that I type that, I do remember the dream I was having.

The night before last, when I woke from a vivid dream, I took the time to write it down in my new dream journal. I'm trying to keep one, just because its interesting to me to see if there are any insights into my unconscious.

Yesterday was a bear. I had a marathon of a meeting that lasted from 11am-6pm where we did a major rework of the material that I've been working on for the project. It was INSANE, but I finally feel like I have some direction. I also started reading the book that is due today for Book Club tonight. I didn't make it too far into it, but I plan to read some more at lunch, and after work before heading over to the meeting. The intention is to at least get through 1/2 of it, so I can contribute to the conversation.

On an AWESOME note - I got my grade back on my paper, presentation, and final grade from my Team Interventions class - A! WOOO HOOOOOOOO!

Project TAM Decommissioned

Straight from the headline of Amy's World.... Project TAM DECOMMISSIONED

(Baltimore, MD January 25, 2010) Project TAM, created several months ago by some members of Cohort 58, was an acronym for a software tool used to "Track Amy's Men." The tracking device, an Access database inside of Amy's head, was used to categorize the men Amy was currently seeing in order to not get them confused. The upgraded software also sent out status reports bi-monthly to members of Cohort 58 in order to debrief and provide input to the project.
Fortunately, after many entries were evaluated in the system, a man was chosen this past weekend. John, Jr., of West Deptford, NJ has beat the tracking system and disqualified all other males involved in the tracking process. His kindness, respect, and genuine honesty, plus sweet adoration of Amy has moved him to the "head of the class." After spending the weekend with him and having and open and frank discussion, John and Amy have decided to update their status on facebook to reflect their new budding relationship.

John was not the only one tested. Amy faced rigorous challenges this weekend: using a map to navigate Philly, meeting the parents and the dog who doesn't like females, meeting the brothers and friends, and most importantly meeting the nieces, aka The Princesses. John's mother, Mrs. Murphy, was heard saying, "Amy is just delightful, please don't let this one go!" Mark, John's middle brother, thought Amy was "stunning" and remarked that he is so happy for his brother. Uncle Joe, current resident of the Parental Murphy's who doesn't speak to guests and normally stays in his room, even greeted her with an incredibly warm grunt and curiosity. Rosie, The Murphy's dog who doesn't like females, showed her love in support by sitting on Amy's lap and resting back against her chest. As an FYI, Rosie is not built to be a lapdog; this was truly a stunning feat! Even Mark's cat liked her, falling asleep in her lap while the group of friends played games at the local Saturday night game night.

Upon arrival on Friday evening, Amy knew it was going to be an awesome weekend when she saw the bouquet of pink roses and Gerber daises waiting for her. And, upon her exit of NJ early Sunday morning, John made her breakfast. When he heard that she liked juice in the morning, he also stopped and got her 3 different kinds: orange, grape, and apple, so she can have a selection. On a more personal note... the intimacies were great that they shared, and everything seems to be working well.

Therefore, the software has been decommissioned and will be now transferred to April. The new software, Tracking April's Men, should be installed next week and will begin production.

Excited for the weekend

I'm leaving tonight in a few hours to drive up to NJ to spend the weekend with John. I can't wait! I haven't seen him in 2 weeks, which is a good amount of missing each other time - so to cuddle up is going to be fun. We are going to spend tonight in watching movies, and then tomorrow go to Philly to check out some museums before heading to game night. I get to meet his family and friends, which should be a good time! Friends and family usually like me, so I'm not worried about that.

I'm looking cute today too, with grey leggins' and boots, with a green tunic top. I even took the time to fix my hair and put makeup on! hehe That comment goes back to my high school days when we didn't care what we looked like, because it was all girls and no one to impress at school.

I'm waiting for the comments from ex-guys that I was interested in... they usually begin with, "see, I told you you'd find a better guy than me who is going to treat you right." I normally snicker back with, "yeah, but it could have been you if your head wasn't so far up your own ass." That normally shuts them up for some reason. hmmmm... I wonder why? hehe

I'm wasting time while waiting to go out with the group for lunch. Last night was yoga and the class was incredibly impressed with my flexibility. I guess they don't expect someone of my size to be able to fold in half and put her feet on the floor behind her head. Never judge a book by its cover.... speaking of books, I have to get the new one for book club and read it by Wednesday.